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father overly attentive to his daughter

wigcen's picture

I feel my husband is overly attentive to his daughter and it is affecting our relationship. He takes her on trips and leaves me behind with our 5 year old. When he's not taking her somewhere or doing something for her, he is talking about how much he likes to. It's not that I mind him doing things with her, it's that I wish he would do those things with me, too. He is very critical of my children and my parents and of me...but thinks his girls are perfect. He makes light of their poor behavior to me and to our youngest daughter. They pretty much ignore our youngest and it hurts her feelings. I feel hurt by it too. He doesn't share information about his kids. It feels like he thinks that their so special that he has to keep them separate from me. I'm wondering if there is something I could be doing differently??

Stick's picture

Hey Wigcen - I have no advice for your situation, but you may want to post this as a general discussion blog so that more people see it, and can possibly give some insight.

Best of luck to you.

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

steppingover's picture

My best advice to you would be to talk to him about it right now and let him know how you feel.

I am in the same kind of situation where my fiance lives and breaths his daughter and noone else. I am trying to get the courage to walk away from it as I just came home from work tonight to find him and hid 16 year old daughter cuddling on the couch yet again after he flipped out on my children.
As close as fathers and daughter are sometimes there is just to much and I am finding that no matter what you say or what you do you will never be as important or be able to get as much love from them as you deserve because they cant take their daughters off the pedistals the put them on.
And to be honest those are the guys who will spend their lives alone or spend them having their daughters living at home for ever playing the wife role for them

marina2000's picture

I am in exactly the same position, SD has become clingy and has to have her dads arm around her all the time! We even went to the Zoo on Sunday and met up with friends of my BF whom he hadn't seen in years. They spent the whole day with their arms around each other! - in the end I felt really really uncomfortable with it to the point wher I couldn't even look at them any more! is this normal!! She will be 13 next so I assume its hormones, but I need to address this as my BF doesn't see its not right.

jojo68's picture

Same deal difference is that my BF's daughter lives full time with us. The clingyness is unreal. She has bad separation anxiety too. Sometimes she follows my BF to the bathroom and whines by the door for him to hurry and come out. She is almost 10 going on 5 and moving farther back with each passing day it seems. I really feel that this child has some type of medical/pyschological issue besides just being extremely spoiled and overindulged. Her behavior is not normal but how do you tell your BF something like that. I am not the only one who thinks this way. Things definately look different from the outside looking in.

retardedstepkids's picture

I know how you feel, I am pretty much in the same situation but I call it gropping. My boyfriend has a fit if my 5 year old son hugs me or kisses me he will give my bs the evil eye everytime and if he hugs me for more then 1 second he tell him that's enough boy that's enough. BUT its ok for his 7 year old to grop all over him on the couch while watching tv or run and jump on him after work and wrap her legs around his waist, yeah that's ok just not for my son. You can tell there is something wrong when he tells these kids he loves them more then he tells his wife OR has is wife move to a different couch so his kids can be on top of him while watching tv. Pretty disgusting so I feel for ya sick sick sick!
But anyway don't feel bad I'm going through it also makes me wanna throw up! Lol

Ajchick's picture

I know how you both feel and it sucks. My DH is like that with his 5 y/o daughter. I am to the point where I don't want to be in the house because of all the touchy feely stuff. I know she is only 5 but come on! You wouldnt think that he has to always be holding/petting/kissing on her. It makes me pretty f***ING ill.

StepMadre's picture

I'm guessing that some kind of emotional imbalance is happening here and there is a reason he is favoring some of his children over the others and you. It's really important that he knows how you feel about this and that you clearly communicate why you feel the way you do and what you expect to change. I've noticed that in these situations, the favoritism stems from guilt on the part of the dad. He probably feels guilt over not being with his daughter's mom and being responsible for them growing up in a "broken" home. Single and re-married dads often feel guilty and try to make up for it by showing favoritism to the affected children. It's not fair and it's not right, but it happens a lot. He probably doesn't have a clear perspective on his own behavior and treatment of his kids and doesn't realize that he is being unfair to them and you. He is actually doing his favored daughters a disservice because he isn't having high expectations of them and is showing them that he is okay with them having poor behavior and expecting more from their siblings. I would put money on him having massive guilt and that being the reason for his favoritism. The only thing you can do is to tell him how you feel and why and what you think and point out when you see unfair behavior. It's not okay for you or any of the kids to be emotionally neglected and he needs to hear about this from you. Also maybe start having family meetings and encourage all the kids to express their feelings directly to him. If he hears how they feel it might be a powerful motivator and will teach them how to communicate effectively in general and give everyone in your family a chance to have a voice and be heard. When I was a kid, we had nightly family meetings after dinner that we called "family round" and we had a rock that had "joy" carved into it and worry stone grooves and we passed it around. When a family member was holding the rock they had the floor and no one could interrupt them. Everyone got a chance to hold the rock and we had to say something positive about our day and something we were worried about and then everyone could respond and give advice and comfort. It made our family bond really tightly and was a great communication tool. My mom encouraged us to say how we felt using "I" words, rather than accusing others or telling people that "they" made someone feel a certain way. She was teaching good communication and it has stood me in good stead my whole life. H sometimes has a hard time verbalizing how he feels or even figuring out how he feels and I never have that problem. Smile

Anyway, I think communication is key here and anything you can do to get everyone talking and let your husband know how his behavior is affecting you and your kids and how you feel will improve the situation. He needs to change his behavior and make sure that he is treating everyone in his family equally, but he won't know he needs to change until he hears how you feel and what issues you have. If necessary, you can get a counselor or a mediator to help get things going, but the dynamic is off and totally unfair to you and your kids and that should change.

That's my opinion! Hope it gets better and that things get more fair! Good luck!

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

Ajchick's picture

I understand. My FH admits that his 5 yo daughter is his whole world and shows it. It hurts my feelings. It makes me want to say, "well if she's your WHOLE world then why am I even here."

Most Evil's picture

I for one think that is very strange, to idolize your child? It sets up a weird dynamic where the adult is looking to the child for guidance, when the parent is supposed to provide that, dur!!!

I think you do need to have a serious conversation that you think his outlook is inappropriate and a disservice to his daughter and everyone who ever crosses her path, including her own husband.

I remember the day I did this to DH when we were getting serious, and he cried, because he did feel guilty over divorce and not being there daily for SD 10 at the time. But it is not in her best interest, which is what he claims to be concerned about. It was hard but it has to be done, for all of your own good.
“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

lostdad's picture

I don't know if this will help but I'll give it a stab:

My wife died three years ago and I was left with my 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son. I remarried about a year ago and inherited another daughter 9.

My natural daughter and I are extremely close, my wife used to say I S*it her...which still makes me laugh. She speaks like me, has my sense of humor and loves to play golf like I do. My son does also and sometimes my wife would come but she could care less most of the time preferring instead to curl up with a good book in the bath tub.

Fast foward new daughter does not like ANY sports, my new wife is trying them with me (which is cool). She says she is not jealous, but I have a nervous pit in my stomach that this will change over time.

You can't make a kid do things with you especially your step children, and 2nd wives...I don't know??? The 2nd time around is definitely different than the first.

I pray she doesn't try and cut my time with my children simply because her natural daughter doesn't want to DO anything...but I am not a believer and cow-towing to the lowest common denominator. I'll say for my wife now...she tries to participate a lot and I admire that, and/but will also say you are either first or second in his life. I don't know if things are different with a 2nd marriage because I WOULD HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED divorce with my first wife??? We had a very, very strong bond. 2nd marriages like step kids are a slower and tougher bond, especially later in life and especially if you married someone dramtically different than your first spouse.

I babbled...

That didn't help did it?

Ajchick's picture

I don't mean to pick on mr. Lostdad, but I was pissed when I read his comment. Not at him but at my FH. It infuriated me to think my man feels this way. He probably does though! I have never been married and have no kids of my own, and I feel like OUR marriage will never be as special or OUR child will not be as miraculous because he's been there and done that. WTF!!! Is it my fault that I did the smart thing and waited to marry and have kids? Should we first timers be punished because we haven't been around the "block"? That's bullshit if that's how it has to be.
Some might say, "you knew he's been married and had a kid." My answer to that question is, " ya I knew but I didn't think I'd be treated like a second hand/second rate wife!" I think if I had previously been married with kids I would not remarry if I thought I might think of him as a second class husband.

Gia's picture

Well, your case is different because you didn't divorce your wife, she died (I'm really sorry) which is bad because I don't think you truly "overcome" or forget that person, because love didn't end, life did.

jojo68's picture

I think that our job as a parent is to guide our children in the best possible direction that we can lead them. Children most often learn by example so what we do and how we react to situations is so very important when they are watching. These parents let their kids raise themselves essentially by not having any rules or guidelines. The parents who who overindulge them show them that there are no limits to money spending and give a false impression of the real world. The parents with kids that rule the household only shows the kids how to be bossy, manipulative, overbearing people later on in life who have a hard time making friends and relationships. So how is this helping your child?????????? I told my boyfriend that his daughter would end up living at home for the rest of her life being a lonely old cat lady if her attitude didn't change. Seriously people.....

lostdad's picture


That is my ultimate nightmare...having my natural born kids get jobs, great grades, and/or a scholarship...and then have my sd still living at home with us because my wife doesn't have the guts to kick her in the ass and lets grandparents enable her.

It is a disease...

jojo68's picture

So very true....and the grandparents thing....that is a big part of the problem with my BF daughter is that her grandmother baby's her because she is the only grandchild and she doesn't want her to grow up. So as a result this an almost ten year old girl who is going on 6.

TattooQT's picture

Sounds like he is overcompensating to me. I would ask him what mesage he thinks that sends his other kid (you know the one he had with you). My husband tried to do the ditch the wife thing and take his daughter on vacation once. Trust me it didn't go over well nor has it ever been forgotten.

Constantly_guilty's picture

Three words for ya sweet girl: BLENDED FAMILY COACHING. Your DH needs to learn how to do this right because it sounds like he's failing miserably.

Sweatheart's picture

My husband has been the same way with his daughter. We have been married for 5 years, his daughter is now 11, things have not changed. He has admitted to me that the reason he is like this is he feels guilty that he put the children through a divorce, plus she has a lot of mental problems, so he feels like he has to compensate. He feels insecure about himself as a person and as a parent to compound the issue. He sees the success of my children and feels jealousy. Maybe something like this is going on in his head? Maybe he feels guilty over the divorce & feels he has to compensate?

TheBrightSide's picture

I WAS married to an indulgent, guilt parent father to his 9 year old daughter. We are now separated.

He entertained her from the moment he picked her up from school until she shut her eyes at night. At her whim, of course. Unless she was playing with her friends.

He would even read to her while she was in the bathtub.

He called her the same pet names that he would call me.

He made sure that he kept BM happy (for SD9) sometimes at my expense.

He would tell me that I was an important part of his life, but he rarely "showed" me. And when he did, it was during our "off" weeks, when SD9 was at her mother's. I used to "live" for those off weeks.

When we separated he said to me..."i worry for you, because I have SD9 and you have no one". He also said, "i have everything i need".

I tried for 3 years to wrap my life around his and SD9, waiting in the wings until he had time for me. He "never had my back".

I have learned, the hard way, that people "show" you who they are. I've learned that words are easy. I've learned that when people "show" you who they are, believe them, the first time. People rarely change. I had believed that I would grow into an elevated status with him. But I now know that would never have happened.

It was a hard lesson and a very painful lesson. Its still painful, every day. This man that I would have done anything for, who didn't reciprocate. He wanted a fair-weather wife. A "beck and call" girl. I couldn't do that. I lost myself.

And here I am now, rebuilding, regrouping....still living in the same house with them until it sells.

I wish you luck. Remember, this: learn to accept that your situation is the BEST its ever going to get. If you can't accept that, then move on.

Ajchick's picture

Your situation sounds so much like mine. My FH whom used to adore, is so overly attentive with SD5. He, like your ex spends every moment with her when we have her on the weekends. If he goes to the store for something he tells me to hang out with her while he's gone. I just want to say, "Why? Will she evaporate into mist if someone isn't entertaining her for a few minutes?" And Im not saying he should leave a 5 y/o unattended for a long period of time, but damn she can play by herself for a bit can't she? I feel like I have to get out of the way on the weekends so he can be HER man, not mine. It is actually making me lose interest in him. Any man that is so obsessed with a child can't be completely right in the head, right?
Reading your comment made me think about some things like.....He is being the way he IS ALWAYS going to be. He is not going to ever be less infatuated with her. And he is SHOWING and telling me who he is and how he's always going to be by his everyday actions!
I am sorry things didnt work out in your marriage. Reading your blog has helped me see the reality of my situation and what I have to do about it. Thank you.

TheBrightSide's picture

No offence steperg, but i tried that....participating "with them".

"We always include you" he used to say to me.

That's not the point. The "We" was him and his daughter. In my book, the husband and wife are the "we". Husband and Wife should include daughter in their plans when she's at their house.

Why should stepmother "go along with them"..."participate with them"? Its bullshit. And a symptom of the problem with guiltparent fathers who put their children above all else.

jojo68's picture

Stepaside.....all of the stuff you mentioned is wonderful...I feel the same way you do...but my case is an the point where nothing else matters in my BF life but keeping his daughter happy at the expense of everyone else. Just speaking for myself that is why it bothers me. I only have myself to blame for the situation because I was told very early on in the relationship that this girl was his reason for being and that she would always come first but I didn't realize the gap between first and second was so great.

helpless2's picture

I'm in the same boat. I have 2 kids of my own and 3 step children. Out of my step kids there is only 1 that I dont mind being around and that is the 13 stepson. They are 15, 13, and 10. My SD is the 10 yr old and also my husbands "baby". He tells her all the time that she's his princess and does stuff for her and treats her differently than everyone else in the house. He buys her stuff and when i say its not fair to the boys his come back is "life's not fair". We cant go anywhere without her tryin to beat me to him to walk with him and hold his hand. She whines at bedtime cause she wants him to sleep with her. Its like she is trying to compete with me. I myself grew up in a broken home and I also had a Stepmother. Everytime I tried to hug my dad she got mad and rolled her eyes. I'm tryin so hard not to be like that. It is very hard. I'm at my wits end.

christie's picture

I'm going to say some very rough stuff here. My conscience will not allow me to simply stay silent. First, NONE of the "overly infatuateds" are going to change and ALL of you in one of those situations need to wake up and realize that THIS is not the best or even an adequate life for you. Why on earth are you "engaged" to a man who is completely pre-empted by his relationship with his daughter. You might as well be engaged to one of those guys serving life in the penitentiary. There is nothing but grief and sadness ahead in these relationships. Please save yourself. Walk now.

Second, and don't bother to flame me for this. I know what I am talking about by virtue of thirty years of professional practice. These guys are in love with their daughters. Actually, most of them are in love with their idea of their daughters, but the difference to you is immaterial. It is her that they enjoy, think about, get a thrill catering to, feel tender toward, etc. It is not about divorce guilt. Very likely their inappropriate acting out of their romantic feelings toward their daughters played a prominent part in the disintegration of their previous marriage. You are there for camouflage, and for self-reassurance that they are normal. They are not. You are being used as a prop. Most of them, one hopes, will not act out their romantic feelings sexually, but all of them will fantasize about it, and too many of them will attempt it. You are the raw carrot in their fridge. She is the dessert that calls to them in their sleep. On some level these girls intuit this, and use it to maintain some power and to keep hold of the only form of love from him that they know. It's a poisoned toxic dynamic that screws up the daughter's ability to have sound wholesome relationships for life, whether or not actual sex acts are happening. Run, do not walk. You cannot save her. You cannot change him. You can make a real life for yourself where you, not a child, are the love object. There is no excuse good enough for staying in such a relationship. He wants her.

sm27's picture


This is negative, and also fucked up. I would hope that the poster try to resolve her issues with her SO first, and let him know how she feels about the situation before automatically assuming he is a pedophile. They say that daughters are closer to their father and boys to their mother, and I have heard plenty of men saying that there is nothing like having a daughter (including mine, he wants to have a girl with me), but I would hate to think that it is because he would secretly want to sleep with her!

christie's picture

You missed the point. I am not using the label "pedophile." That's too blunt an instrument to include all of these situations. What I said, what is true, is that in the situation described the daughter is the love object, the romantic figure, pre-empting the father's ability to have a real romantic/companionate/sexual love for his wife. Talk will not help, if help is defined as changing anything.

Any woman who "fixes" this in her own mind simply by parroting that mothers are close to sons and daughters are close to fathers is living in a fantasy world, and will eventually find herself posting here about her unhappiness.

It is the nature, character, and quality of the bond that is pathological, not the fact that there is a bond, even a close one. If the father is so enmeshed in his feelings/needs/attachment for his daughter that he cannot have a full relationship with his wife, no homilies or homespun observations about parental closeness are going to give anyone any relief from an unbearable situation. Unbearable for all of them, by the way, the wife, the daughter, and even the poor disfunctional guilt-ridden husband.

I'm fucked up? I don't have this problem. But it seems like something I wrote struck a real raw nerve in you. For your own sake, and for the sake of any child, don't have a daughter with this man until this issue no longer clouds your horizon. Talk to a GOOD professional, first. You have nothing to lose, and much to avoid.

sm27's picture

>>>>>>>>>Most of them, one hopes, will not act out their romantic feelings sexually, but all of them will fantasize about it, and too many of them will attempt it. You are the raw carrot in their fridge. She is the dessert that calls to them in their sleep.

Hey Christie,

But I'm taking this wrong?

sm27's picture

I also wrote in haste and didn't mean that YOU were fucked up, I felt that what you were SAYING was fucked up. I just think that to assume that someone will not change, before even trying to talk it out with them is not giving them the benefit of the doubt. Granted, the poster's situation is difficult to deal with, and I misinterpreted the age of the SD (I thought she was 5, not 19), but still, to say that talk will not help, in a situation that we only know one side of the story, is unfair (at least, this is my opinion). It would have been different if she posted that for example, she caught her SO jerking off to SD's pic, but she didn't say anything that extreme. And I'm not trying to downplay her situation, but I definitely think that before she goes assuming things and leaving her husband (as per your advice), why can't she try to work things out first by talking about it?

christie's picture

"....why can't she try to work things out first by talking about it?"

Two reasons, below.

We, as women and as a community, need to recognize that this is terribly difficult stuff. This is not rudeness, thoughtlessness, or failing to put one self in another's shoes. This is distorted/disordered thinking and the best, most heartfelt, reassuring, and constructive discussion in the world is irrelevant and useless in this context.

Re-read the original post. This time, picture that you were watching from the doorway the activity she describes. You should feel creeped out (scientific term.). That's NOT how you feel when someone you care about is being thoughtless and trampling your feelings. Your feelings are more reliable than your intellect here, sm27. You can talk yourself INTO a benign interpretation of all this. Problem is, he can't talk himself OUT of his disordered feelings toward his daughter. He can't; she can't; therapist can't. Some problems are not fixable. It's pathology.

He can be helped to change his conduct (not his thoughts and feelings), if he really wants to. Successes are very rare and usually not permanent. But let's assume the best: Even that doesn't solve the poster's problem. She needs and wants and deserves a real life where she is the center of her husband's genuine loving feelings -- not a sham life where he mechanically acts loving toward her because his feelings of affection and need and engagement with his daughter are unwholesomely and unacceptably disproportionate. So, let's all hope he gets the help he needs, but let's not counsel the poster to let her lifetime run through her fingers while he engages in his permanent struggle. I believe that she has a higher purpose and value than that life.

Why not talk to him?
1. It won't help. Conversation with his wife or fiancee will elicit whatever he thinks she wants to hear. It will change and reveal nothing.
2. She already knows what she needs to know, as evidenced by what she selected to write. What she needs clarity about is what to do about it. And there is only one sound solution: gather her life around her and leave this situation.

sm27's picture

Okay, this is her original post:

I feel my husband is overly attentive to his daughter and it is affecting our relationship. >>>>no example given, so this is open to interpration.
He takes her on trips and leaves me behind with our 5 year old. >>>>>What kind of trips? Trips to the store, or trips to other countries? Also open to interpretation.
When he's not taking her somewhere or doing something for her, he is talking about how much he likes to.>>>Is this a fact, or how she feels? Is he really ALWAYS either doing something for his daughter and then only talking about how much he likes to do it, or does the poster FEEL like this?
It's not that I mind him doing things with her, it's that I wish he would do those things with me, too. >>>What things does she want him to do with her?
He is very critical of my children and my parents and of me...but thinks his girls are perfect. >>>>>What happened to make him criticize her children and family?
He makes light of their poor behavior to me and to our youngest daughter. >>>>Okay, this, I do not agree with, poster has a valid point.
They pretty much ignore our youngest and it hurts her feelings. I feel hurt by it too.>>>>Has this been discussed?
He doesn't share information about his kids. It feels like he thinks that their so special that he has to keep them separate from me. I'm wondering if there is something I could be doing differently??>>>>Has any of this been discussed?

I'm sorry, Christie, I just don't see where in any of this I should be "creeped out", and the poster never stated she felt that way either. Not only is the post is open for interpretation, there are not enough facts or examples given to warrant stating that the H will never change, or may fantasize about sleeping with his daughter. I just didn't get where that came from in this specific scenario.

Milomom's picture

Wow Christie, thank you for your post. I read it and really thought about what you said - and honestly, it makes perfect sense to me. Thank you for sharing your 30 years of professional practice & experience with the rest of us.

I personally would RATHER read a post that contains a little "rough stuff" from someone who is a professional - it answers a lot of questions and tells it like it is - the REALITY of the situation, IMO.

I suppose I'm very lucky, my BF doesn't show any of these dysfunctional, inappropriate behaviors or tendencies towards SD15. Don't get me wrong, he will make excuses for HER behavior with the best of them (i.e. "oh, she's not a bad kid, she just isn't inclined to get "A's" in school" for when she fails math & science in all of 10th grade). But he doesn't do anything odd/strange like cuddle or spoon with her on the couch watching TV - that's just creepy. He always says "I love you" when he speaks to her, always gives her a peck on the cheek "good night" before she goes into her "cave" (bedroom) to disappear for 24 hours -lol. But he doesn't sit there and hold hands with her when we're all walking somewhere (he holds mine), he doesn't act romantically towards her at all.

For those of you that DO have BF's/DH's that act this way, I can only say that I think you should heed some of Christie's advice & what she is saying. It's not normal for men to overly act that way (inappropriately) towards their daughters. My BF doesn't do this with his daughter (and trust me, he loves her a lot - sometimes looks the other way when she doesn't obey his rules, etc..., normal stuff), and my father didn't act that way towards me, either (ew, gross) - and my father had 6 daughters & 2 sons!!!

It doesn't have to be this way - so if you're feeling uncomfortable with how your man is behaving towards his daughter, you should DEFINITELY discuss this with him NOW, ASAP, RIGHT AWAY, before it gets out of hand, IMHO. If he doesn't feel that his actions are inappropriate, and you feel very uncomfortable with it all, you may need to reconsider staying in the relationship you are in.

I agree with Christie in the sense that it is NOT ALWAYS about divorce guilt (although in some situations, it MAY be a factor) may be their making excuses and trying to make you feel that YOU'RE the one out of line calling them on it.

TheBrightSide's picture

I'm convinced there is no black and white here. But many shades of grey. I agree with Christie. I think some of these men have a fucked up sense of their own sexuality, coupled with unrealistic love for their daughters. Again, shades of grey, the extreme of which would be pedophilia.

not4me's picture

Hi,everyone!Brand new member,but been reading here for quite some time.I do not have kids or skids,but almost married on 2 different occasions,a man with a daughter (2 completely diffent men),and both times failed (I bailed out) exactly for same reasons,the BM drama,spoiled entitled daughters,who act like the wife,wimpy fathers,guilt parenting,etc,and of course,putting me last on the list.I can go on,but reading these forums has opened my eyes and described these men's actions to a tee.As a result,when I meet a man and he says he has a daughter,I RUN immediately.It is the same for most men in the world,I'm originally european,although in europe men to seem to care more about MARRIAGE first,at least in my experience.
Kristie's post is what made me join....You have hit the nail on the head!!I couldn't put my finger on explaining situations I was dealing with,and now I can.
Me and my girlfriends discuss this all the time,and when they meet a man with a daughter,it's usually the same outcome.My gf's are same as me,successful,independent,and these fathers get super clingy and weird,which makes the girls run too.Funny,it's not the same when it's a son.
Here's my dilemma,maybe Kristie can help a bit more with this....
1.Why are these men attracted to single,childless,successful independent carreer women with assets,so often?Is it because they want someone stronger than themselves?Or are they jealous of their independence and live through them?They look at that woman as masculine?
2.Why do these men put their new wives last on the list?What's the real reason?Or is it because they just don't want to be lonely and have a sex partner,as in have and eat their cake?Have a ready made family,where they can't have sex and just shamelessly need someone to fill in the void?
3.Or do they flatter themselves by having all these women fighting over them,by being in the middle (a daughter is still female)?Makes them feel desirable and wanted?
I also noticed that some men who let their daughters dictate their lives,have trouble carrying out strong friendships with other men and are a little feminine themselves,but not all of them.My father was never this way with me,and treated me like a child,not a wife (brrr),but then,there are no divorces in my entire family.
I know that everyone is different and cannot be put in the same category,but there must be some similar general traits.I've read tons of psychology books and talked to many people,but would like to hear an opinion of a professional.Please!I'm genuinely curious.
Thank you in advance!

wgup's picture

It doesn't end at 18. SD is now 35, married with 2 kids. I have 3 kids, all adults now also, I have been married to DH for 11 years, together for 18. SD has always been the priority, with money, with time and attention. Now we have grandchildren. 5on my side, 2 from SD. And so it continues to the next generation. My DH was great with my grandaughters if they were here alone, ignored my grandson and did not want stepgrand over. Had a strained relationship with my oldest son, distant with middle son and cordial relationship with my daughter. (also tries to buy her but always in lesser amounts than SD) Recently DH told my DIL not to come over. She had expressed to me her youngest son was feeling he was treated differently. DH stepped in after DIL and I had worked out a solution. He also had issues with son purchasing car from us. Reniged on agreement, stating we needed to keep it as backup. My son responded by blocking both of us from grandchildren, stating his SD treated him like s**t all his life and was not going to do it to his kids. If his grandaughter was here he would take her aside from other kids to play with her. Not socialize with anyone but his daughter the whole night. He asked 1 wk after reniging on sons agreement to purchase car if his daughter could buy it. ( No money of course) I said no. Then while I was out he gave it to her. (borrow for a trip) Shes been back from trip over a week, still no car back. Im selfish for wanting it back. Grandaughter likes the DVD player and it fits her family. Couldn't she just keep it for short trips.( It's a touring van) Meanwhile I am disabled but still working to pay for everything. He is retired on a fixed income. Also, if we get in a fight, he now sleeps at her house and confides in her

IslandGal's picture

Click on this link..

Print it out and give it to your idiot DH to read. Some men don't realise that they are actually harming their daughters by behaving this way. They are emotionally stunting their growth. My DH was one of these - hell, his 11 year old daughter wouldn't go to sleep unless he sang to her... or she had to be sleeping with him! Fucking pathetic! Trust me, if I tried doing that to my Dad.. I'd be in my grave today.

mm86's picture

My DH used to spoil and be way over the top with his daughters, especially the youngest one. It got to the point where I was blunt with him and said it was "kind of creepy" and he backed off from the clingyness big time. Now he has always been very attentive and affectionate to me. I think he does fantasize about me sexually. He has a lot of nude pictures of me and things like that, likes to buy me clothes he wants to "see me in" etc and I really don't believe he's "in love" with his kids like that...When we had our son together it all became clear. He loves babies. When i think back on his weird behavior toward SD5, it was always him babying her. He would even spoon feed her at 4 years old! he's been very resistant to her "growing up." Whenever we saw a cute baby at the mall or whatever he would get all smiley and want to talk to it/hold it. He gets the same way around puppies and kittens. I think some men just have baby fever but our society is so conditioned that loving babies and cute animals is a "woman" thing, that it's weird to us. He started crying when our baby was born and literally will not put our son down when he's home. I don't know if this helps the OP but I'm offering an alternative explanation for overly clingy dads beseides "he wants to fuck his daughter." Yeah I think some men are like that, but not most of them.