Don’t think I want to be involved in SK lives
So I've posted on here before about my issues with my BF's 9 year old son. I'm at a crossroad now. It's been almost 4 months since I've seen his kids. I don't miss them at all and that is horrible. It feels so wrong coming out of my mouth, but it is the truth. His 9 year old has temper issues and uses tantrums as a tactic to try and get his way. Now I never say anything to his kids about their behaviour, I try to ignore it or leave the room when I can't stand it. I've said this in other posts, but I believe that he has ADHD and possibly aspergers, but I am no Doctor or professional. I just know that something by is going on with him.
Anyway....I just don't like the idea of having him in my life or being in his. It's horrible to think about, but he just give off to much bad and chaotic energy...when I am trying to eliminate that from my life. I think the biggest issue is that he has not given me a chance from the beginning (the first 1 to 1.5 years of me actually trying hard to be a part of their lives). Once I realized that he didn't like me and that I couldn't stand the behaviours...I just stopped beating a dead horse, ya know?
I know that my expectation of having a relationship with his Dad and not with him is pretty unrealistic, but has anyone out there actually been doing this? Not having a relationship with your partners kids?
I think it can probably be
I think it can probably be done if you don't live with him or marry him - but if you plan to do either, it's going to be very challenging.
Remember it’s only one
BM accident, or finding a new Boy toy. Away from BF having SS full time.
Of you can not stand SS, you will never be able to live with BF. Living with BF means supporting SS with your money. Talk about really being upset.
I'm in the same boat
Not to inundate this site with my particular issue but I posted a similar blog last week.
I am living with my fiance and we will be getting married after he's finished coparenting his two kids with his ex. I did the same thing as you, tried, tried, tried to bond with his two kids but after knowing them for about 3 years and living with their father/having them over our house for a year and a half, we are no closer than we were at Day One. The kids are happy to see their father but want absolutely NOTHING to do with me. I'm officially done trying.
Sorry to hear that you don't want to be in this child's life but if he doesn't like you and vice versa, I don't see it going any other way.
I think having a relationship
I think having a relationship really depends on the situation and the kid. For example, technically we are 50/50. SD10 prefers her BMs house and stays over there "extra" when she can. I have totally disengaged from her when she comes over to our house. Only talking to her if necessary. When she is here, she will sleep past noon and only "hang out" in her room doing something with electronics. So honestly, I forget about her until she comes downstairs to raid the fridge.
With your BFs kid having temper tantrums its pretty hard to escape that. SD10 mostly keeps to herself, so I think that makes a HUGE difference.
P.S. - Don't feel bad for not wanting a relationship with a terribly behaved kid. He's not your responsibility and it seems like your BF doesn't see anything wrong with him? Get out while you can.
It can be done. When if I
It can be done. When if I first came along to this site 6 something years ago there was a poster that went by Sally and she didn't like her partner's daughter at all. She lived seperately from him if I remember correctly and when the kid was over at his place she would stay at her own. Actually now that I think back it was a regular suggestion to live seperately until the kids aged out. But Im rarely on and I know theres been a few purges here to keep things civil so I don't know who all is still around. Check the archives for "living seperately". There is absolutely nothing wrong with being "dad's wife" instead of "stepmom" if that is the role you want to take.