Doing more work than the bio mom
Glorified nanny is the word i see alot on here and i feel it! The bio mom does prettt much nothing, but i still will never been fully seen or appericated as a care giver by my partner, the kids or really society. She has the kids for 48 hours a week really.
I need breaks from the kids they are 3 and 5 and i am in a really difficult Bachelors program at school. It is impossible to study with the kids here. Neither her or my partner understand that. I will have exams and she will change her mind about the date she promised to take the kids so i could study.
She constantly sends the kids back to us dirty in shitty clothes. My SD is half black as i am (darker skinned cause her bio Dad is African and not my partner). She seems to think if she just ignores the fact that she is black she can just raise her like a white girl. She takes her to hair dressers that have to straighten her hair to cut it (a giant black hair no no) and does a half ass job of doing her hair even though i showed her how to do it. My SD is already having iasues and has said multiple things about not liking her skin colour and wishing she was white. Still her bio mom keeps trying to talk us into allowing her to send the kids to a country school where she will never see another black kid to feel like she isnt the only one, which she is in her current school and between the two households.
My partner and i are the only ones cleaning ears and clipping toe nails. I feel like her nanny and i dont know how to handle these feelings anymore. Somedays i just spend the whole day avoiding the kids in my room cause i thought i was getting a longer break and surprise they are coming back to our house for another 5 days in a row cause she had them for 48 hours.
Please is anyone esle dealing with being the primary mother figure without the benefit of respect?