does you SO more strict with your Bkid than with their own Bkids?
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Do any of you notice if your SO is more strict with your Bio kid than they are with their own kids. I've noticed that when my BS10 says something smart assy under his breath my DH comes unhinged and will scream and yell at him and threaten to spank. But when his own children used to act this way it was a "you need to respect me, and you know better, now go to your room" My DH will yell at my DS7 (almost 
when he gets a smart mouth or an attitude but not to the degree he goes to with my BS10.
Any of you have similar experiences?
sorry it should have read is
sorry it should have read is your so
Oh God yes. DH is WAY rougher
Oh God yes.
DH is WAY rougher on my kids than he is his own, especially my 9-year-old. He practically rips BS9 a new one if BS9 does anything. Let any of his three kids do the exact same thing, and DH is all, "Oh SS, now you stop doing that? Okay? Please? All right, buddy!"
TOTALLY different reaction.
And TOTALLY unfair.
I don't allow it. I did the
I don't allow it. I did the first few times it happened, until I realized how awful his kids were.
I've disengaged from his kids, so they're spared the hellfire and brimstone I'd surely rain down on them daily if I were still engaged with them.
But I've made it abundantly clear to DH that he'd better keep his trap shut around my kids until he gets his OWN brats in line. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and all that.
And yes, I DID call them "BRATS" right to his damn face, because that's what they are and he KNOWS it, so no, pitching a bitch fit at my kid for any little thing he does will no longer be tolerated!
My BS10 never complains when
My BS10 never complains when my DH is chewing him a new one. Never throws it back at my DH that his kids can get away with murder. Don't get me wrong, when I think my DH is way out of line I will take him aside (never in front of the kids) and tell him he legally has no say over my son, and should not treat him in whatever manor. Then he gets all pissy. Would I be a bad mom if I didn't? I know I would feel that way.
Yet I was NEVER allowed to dole out punishment to his 2 girls. EVER. PERIOD.
I know my DH is less patient
I know my DH is less patient with my DD11 than his own. I don't expect him to be more patient with my kid than his own, regardless of the circumstances. My patience with my kid is what truly matters.
I wonder if our DHs would say we treat their kid(s) different? Truth is I do and I don't.
I do redirect or reprimand skids way more than my DD11. But when the skids do 20 rotten things a day, and I call them on 2 of them (10%) and my DD11 does 5 rotten things a day, and I call her on 4 of them (80%) it may *seem* like I'm more strict with the skids, but truth is it is my DD11 I'm more strict with.
DH would've said the same
DH would've said the same thing about me before I disengaged - that I'm more strict with his kids than my own - but for the same reason you stated above, tabby. They do bad shit WAY more often - and more inventively, I might add - than either of my kids ever have, so yeah, if I called them out maybe 10% of the time, it was still more instances of reprimand that you'd witness with my own kids.
But now? I've disengaged, and I don't say shit to them anymore, good or bad, unless they actually want to come up and have a real conversation with me instead of trying to bark orders at me. Most of the time, I don't pay any attention to the stupid, bad shit they do, and I don't comment on it or try to reprimand or correct them, either. I've just checked out altogether.
I had no say with my DHs kids
I had no say with my DHs kids so I checked out. I refused to even listen to my DH talk about what they (the skids) got in trouble for either at BMs house or school.
My DH then broke down one night and said he was just so stressed because he couldn't confide in me about what his girls were doing/not doing. I told him no he couldn't because if I have no say in parenting then why would I want to be involved?
He still will blah blah to me, and all I say is I don't care and don't want to hear it. (then fight ensues)
I wish DH didn't want me to
I wish DH didn't want me to have any say in how his kids are dealt with.
If he had his way, I'd handle ALL the discipline and teaching in our house, both for my kids and his, so he wouldn't have to face it anymore and could go back to pretending that there's no problem.
That's the way he seems to like it. He'd be more than happy to sit back and let me take over, but I'll be damned if I'm about to! I'm already the "wicked stepmother" enough as it is without adding that to it!
Plus...not my monkeys, not my circus. It's his job to make sure they grow up to be decent human beings, not mine. They're already too old and accustomed to their entitled lifestyle for me to even THINK about tackling that issue. Nuh uh.
Normally the kids are not
Normally the kids are not treated any differently. DH is just as harsh with my two and as he is his own. But Since his ex-wife has told him that his son hates him because of the way he punishes the kids (instead of spanking them, he makes them do the things they hate the most) SS is exercising. But since ex-wife told him that SS hates him, he has only gotten yelled at and grounded, trust me, doesn't do anything!
But every time SS gets upset or mad at DH, DH comes to me and says "my son hates me", he looks extremely heartbroken. But leave it to his ex-wife to be able to literally fuck with his head. I constantly tell him that SS does not hate him, but yet he still believes her. Which honestly should not be one bit surprising but it is. Considering that anyone can try and use guilt on DH and it normally never works. He will just look at you and laugh or tell you what he thinks.
Now if I have to deal with SS(9), BD(5), and BS(2) at one time, because he is either sleeping or he leaves to go some where I will snap, because they don't want to listen like they do when he is home.
My skids definitely don't
My skids definitely don't mind well AT ALL when DH isn't there (not that they mind THAT well when he IS there). That's why I've refused to babysit them anymore. They'll blatantly blow off anything I say to them if DH isn't around, and they're almost literally bouncing off the walls and trashing things the minute DH walks out the door.
I'm sure DH would say I used to be too strict with his kids, but good LORD they're wild, especially when he's not around.
Disengagement has been a blessing for me. No more babysitting, no more interfering when they act up...it's glorious! Now I just have to deal with my own two kids, and that's enough for me.
Yes I notice the same thing
Yes I notice the same thing in my family with my DH and my BS. He is a lot meaner to my son than he is to his own kids when they act up.
My DH is way too hard on our
My DH is way too hard on our kids, of whom he is also the father, compared to how he treats the skids. I think the reason is that the skids as children of divorce, inspired guilt and always had to appease otherwise they might abandon him. I pull him aside privately if he is too harsh on ours but I have stopped bothering to make the comparison to him, it's pointless given how disengaged I am and how head in sand he is. Luckily mine were too young when the difference in treatment was more obvious, when the skids were 7 upwards, to notice the contrast. Now the skids are adult the bios still don't really notice because they don't understand how the skids and their dad's relationship comes over to outsiders -- yet.
I agree about guilt. My DH
I agree about guilt. My DH cant even see what he' doing. Even when I've called him out on it. I think the reason my BS10 notices is because he remembers what it was like when the older SD lived with us since it was about 2 1/2 years ago. My other 2 kids (both are ours) don't see it at all, but they do get away with more than my BS. My DH says its because hes older and should know better. True he is older but the treatments shown should not be harsher. I interject when my DH goes beyond what I think is acceptable, which he does not like.