Does DH need to tell BM about school things?
DH and I have SD full time (she sees her mom on the weekends) so we are the ones who have her all week for school.
SD has a concert at school today & last weekend when she was at BM's, she must have talked about it because BM called DH flipping out saying SD is having a school concert & you didn't tell me.. you kept it from me.. blah blah blah.
My thought is that it is not DH's responsibility to tell her anything. She is the parent & she can involve herself in school as little or as much as she wants to. She can call or email the teacher or do what she has to do.
Not only that, but when the teacher was scheduling conferences, we (DH and I) emailed her asking for separate conferences (one for us, one for BM). The teacher sent home 2 forms to schedule a conference, he gave 1 to BM, and she never even returned the form or scheduled a conference!
Anyway, I feel like if you don't know what's going on at your kid's school, it's no one's fault but your own.. what do you think?
The only thing I did, school
The only thing I did, school related, was to make sure my ex was put on the school records (this was per our divorce decree). After that, it's up to him to get information. Which by the way, he has never done. Not once.
"My thought is that it is not
"My thought is that it is not DH's responsibility to tell her anything. She is the parent & she can involve herself in school as little or as much as she wants to. She can call or email the teacher or do what she has to do."
I agree. It seems like many NCPs expect the cp to do their dirty work for them. Being an ncp doesn't mean THEY can't contact the the teacher/coach and look at school/activity websites.
Now if she asks, that's one thing. But there's no reason any ncp can't find this stuff out on their own.
Dh tried giving SDs bm the info, but she showed no interest. So after awhile he stopped.
I tell my ex everything. Not
I tell my ex everything. Not everything is posted on a website or addressed in an email. Not every coach makes extra copies of the schedule nor should they.
A quick text or email suffices.
I'm not sure what benefit it is to make the NCP bother the teachers and coaches twice nor put the school or the coaches in the middle. Regardless of whether my son's dad shows up to things that aren't on his weekends or during the weekdays, aren't my concern. Making sure my son knows how to communicate properly is.
My partners ex-wife and kids tell him nothing. The school doesn't post shit. He doesn't find out where the kids need to be at what time on his weekends until the Friday they get dropped off. Like this weekend - the debate team is leaving @ 4:30 Saturday morning. When did he find out? about 15 minutes ago. We live 45 minutes from where his daughter needs to be at 4:30 AM. THAT IS RIDICULOUS. But because Horsehead and SD feel that it's his responsibility to find out (which they frequently sign up for extras that he isn't told about until it's too late and their on the team) he's always getting screwed. So he can either tell SD she can't go on the debate trip, or he can haul up there at 3:30 in the morning, or he can forfeit his time with both kids this weekend because Horsehead won't let him have one without the other. Then we can go back to court where they do nothing.
I can't figure out why the entire world is filled with people who are incapable of simple communication. Oh wait. yes I can. They're too filled with hate and bitterness to get the fuck over it.
f'n bingo Crazy....my ex and
f'n bingo Crazy....my ex and myself also communicate anything that has to do with school or extra activities...its not that hard to do.....
You're right, it shouldn't be
You're right, it shouldn't be that hard to do.. thing is, every time DH has any sort of conversation with BM it turns into her screaming at him, physically threatening us, and hanging up on him. She's IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation with.
Someone mentioned sending a text or an email which is a great idea.. unfortunately, BM does not have a cell phone OR a computer. The only means of communication is through phone, which DH only does when he absolutely has to for reasons mentioned above.
I think she just brings this on herself.. if she wasn't such a nutjob, we would have no problem communicating with her!
My ex raped me twice and then
My ex raped me twice and then when I ran away from him tried to have me arrested for kidnapping his kids. Then he fought me for custody. He didn't want to pay child support because my fiancée has been financially supporting us and we didn't need it, in his words. We have to pay for the plane tickets to send my kids to see him because the court said we could afford to because he never keeps a job for long. When he has the kids, he fills my youngest one's head full of crap about me and my fiancée so much so that we have to deprogram her when she comes back.
Sorry, this is why I am bitter and full of hatred and don't care if I work hard at communicating with him.
Your case sounds extreme and
Your case sounds extreme and I'm sorry that that happened to you.
However, I can't believe that every single case is as extreme as yours. Many people are bitter and full of hatred because they just don't get their way. They need very reason little to hold on to it.
I am so sorry that you went
I am so sorry that you went through that experience. Some guys should be castrated....including rapists and child molesters.
Omg hun ((((hugs)))) I can
Omg hun ((((hugs)))) I can sympathize with you because my ex did the same to me. The only other person who knows what my ex did is my husband.
Wow, I am so sorry you went
Wow, I am so sorry you went through that! :jawdrop:
That's awful. I'm so sorry
That's awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I used to get upset that BM
I used to get upset that BM didn't tell DH things about his kids' school activities and schooling in general. Then I realized that it wasn't HER job to provide those things. It would have been NICE but since that would be completely foreign to her, what did we expect?
My DH could have sent correspondence to the schools to get the info for himself. He didn't. I probably would have but had already realized by that point that, no matter how much I cared or tried, the skids had two parents and I wasn't either of them.
It sounds like your DH didn't
It sounds like your DH didn't care, which sucks.
My partner has sent emails, letters, lawyers letters, you name it to the school that his kids attend. He's gone to the administration office, he's talked to the teachers (and it's a never ending change of teacher rotation). He's taken her to court. The list goes on and on.
Somehow it still falls through the cracks. OOPS we don't post that to the website. Oops, we only send that home once at the beginning of the quarter. Oops, the schedule is set by the team leader. Oops. We had to change her to a different band class, that was sent home with her. It goes on and on.
All it would take is a simple email and text.
Ok there are some people without email and text and that sucks. Ok there are people who's exes are truly HEINOUS (the abusers, rapists and murderers) - but I tend to think the majority just enjoy being as non-communicative as possible because it's completely awesome to hold onto their anger or something.
He cared for his kids a LOT
He cared for his kids a LOT and was a good father in all other respects, he just took them at their words for how they were doing in school. He has ADHD and didn't do well even though he is very intelligent so I think it didn't matter as much to him.
Actually it really is that
Actually it really is that easy for a parent to get information about various school events.
All you have to do is call, stop by the office or check the website.
"I used to get upset that BM
"I used to get upset that BM didn't tell DH things about his kids' school activities and schooling in general. Then I realized that it wasn't HER job to provide those things. It would have been NICE but since that would be completely foreign to her, what did we expect? "
That is how I feel too...BM never told DH about the kids' school events either.
But then I realized that there's no reason that HE couldn't contact the school and teachers and show them that even though he's an NCP, he's a dad who cares enough to reach out to the teachers and school himself and not rely on others to do it for him.
I think if everyone is
I think if everyone is cordial then sure, share information--- if you arent, and communication is impossible then no... We don't tell BM things. But we are in an extreme situation where she has gained and lost custody, refuses mediation, blah blah blah. I WISH everyone talked about the kids and I could share information easily, but unfortunately that is not the case. She has the contact information to the school, and trust me when I say she calls them regularly (and shows up unannounced and wanders the school without checking in)
Lol sorry I am rambling. In short, if everyone in the room is an adult then yes, but when parents act like children or are violent/non-cooperative then I say don't worry about it.
That's how I feel too. BM is
That's how I feel too. BM is a total nutcase. She just recently got out of rehab for prescription drug (& God knows what else) addiction. She also has history of mental problems (been in the nuthut at least 2 times that I know of) and robbery.
She is supposed to take SD on weekends but usually it's her mother who takes her.
& like I said, she didn't even schedule a conference with SD's teacher even though we made sure to get a paper for her to do so.
She's just pathetic. Some people truly should have their uterus' removed.
It is for the child's benefit
It is for the child's benefit for both parents to be involved so I think the cp should do what they can to communicate. In my case, dad doesn't care to show up for much of anything. I give him schedules and that's as far as I go. I homeschool and he's not too concerned about what they're learning either.