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disengagin in a blended family

smurf99's picture

Hi here is my situation i have a 6yr old son my partner has a 8 yr old girl and a 15yr old boy. He has his kids 90% care (mum is useless and has only recently come up with a regular contact arrangement otherwise it could be 3-4 wks she would go with no contact). I have my son 60% and have a good relationship with my ex over joing custody. We communicate well, my partner doesnt the past 18 motnhs since i met him have been a struggle, and his kids constantly play the adults off against each other. The 15 yr old is worst, and after xmas i told him i no longer wanted him to engage in calling his mother names in this house as it wasnt acceptable, since then his behaviour has been better but we know that still goes on at her house.

Anyway his kids are hard work and have little respect or manners, i love their dad but its become apparent more and more im having the responsibility for simple stuff manners, not being rude, putting laundry in basket brush your teeth. My dad died 2 months ago kids have never even acknowledged it and im over them . so ive decided to disengage. I feel mean on the 8 yr old but she would ask me soemthing then go to dad for a different response then choose which she liked best so ive had enough of having all the responsiblity with no back up. My partner agrees to a point, from now on if he chooses to feed his daughter weetbix for tea his choice, if her her doesnt get brushed,his choice, if she never ever again eats a vegetable his choice. My only concern is how all this will effect my son. Im pretty sure once he sees stepsister not doing stuff he will expect it too and i dont know how to fully impliment stuff.

All i know is im at the end of my rope with his rude children and feel like leaving the relationship. Their mother just buys them stuff and ffeds them crap when they go there like a weekend dad, but both parents never give them any guidance on their behaviour. Friends have even commented on how lovely my son is and how "difficult" his are. I feel sorry for them but also a bit lost. I have noticed though since ive been disengaging a lil bit my partner is starting to notice more of his daughters behaviour and doesnt like that how it works?? sorry for the ramble!!!

smurf99's picture

Yes i tend to do this, i often explain quietly to my son why he shouldnt do X or Y etc, and hes mostly accepting of it. Trouble starts when for eg he wants to play the wii and i have said no after dinner but the sd8 goes to her dad and she could play on it all day if she wanted, then it looks like im being mean to son. sigh lol....its hard work isnt it!!!

smurf99's picture

its so hard keeping your mouth shut though lol!! EG other day SD8 talking with food hanging out of her mouth eurrghh but i did well to let it go, if my son does that i pull him up on it and explain its rude etc, hard to stay quiet but im practising !!!