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Disciplining SK

harleygirl's picture

Submitted by harleygirl on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 6:58am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

So I've read many topics and posts on here and many of you feel that it's best to stay out of the raising areas and be distant but friendly.

I have a hard time doing that. I am a mom of 3 boys and have a hard time not mothering my 4 year old SS. When he's at our home I treat him like my BS's. The only problem he is my ss and doesn't mind as well cause I'm not his parent(common issue).

So here is my question... How do you find that middle ground?

I want to help raise and guide him. I want to teach him good behavior and morals. Is it ok for me to scold him or put him in time out if he gets out of line? Is it ok to firmly stick to our house rules and not put up with the temper tantrum fits? If BM calls ranting that I'm mean to her baby is she right or can DH say that I'm not mean but we have rules and we make him follow them as a team. I back him he backs me. If he's cutting grass or running to store or even working late do I have the right to discipline accordingly? A note I don't spank or anything along those lines nor do I yell...My kids have been given spankins occasionally but never someone elses.

confusedsm11's picture

Submitted by confusedsm11 on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 7:54am

I know my DH says its ok for me to "punish" SS although the few times I have done it, DH was mad. I stay away from it as much as possible with DH is here. When he isn't, then I try to follow through the same way or more leniant than DH would in the situation. Is BM overly involved? I have a half decent relationship with BM and she has said over and over to punish, etc whatever like he was my own when he is my house bc he needs to learn to respect me as well as my DH. I mean she says that, but if she found out I was punishing, maybe she would feel differently.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:37am

I say this is a subject that is between you and your husband, not you and BM. Your husband married you and either has faith in your decisions or he doesn't. If you both have agreed to house rules for ALL of your children, then your ss should abide by them like everyone else, and the adult in charge at the time should discipline. However, I would never suggest touching the child. BM could make your life miserable even if it doesn't go anywhere legally.

Dumby's picture

Submitted by Dumby on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 7:59pm

My house my rules. I treat the SKs like I do my own son. If they misbehave there will be consequences.

When I tell them it is bedtime they try to say ....We don't have a bedtime. Sorry again my house my rules....you go to bed when I say you do.

My DH backs me up 100%.

I have a problem letting him discpline my son....I am getting better.... I never interfer if I think he is being fair.

I am probably one of those BM that is a bitch because I am very protective of my kids....this includes the SKs.

I have kept kids my whole life and I automatically correct any child that is misbehaving in my presence if the parent does not step up and do so.....I do not misbehave kids I don't know though...LOL.