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Dear Prudie advice

Blue Moon's picture

On Dear Prudie today:
Q. Custody: I am a single mom with one daughter dating a man with two sons. We were on the road to getting married but that has reached a screeching halt.

My boyfriend’s 14-year-old son is a Nazi. He is addicted to alt-right sites and uses white nationalist rhetoric. Worse, he has acted aggressively toward my daughter and me (my mother was Persian and my ex is South Asian). He was encouraged by his mother until he was suspended from school for stalking and threatening a girl.

Now my boyfriend is trying to get full physical custody of his son to “save” him. I don’t think it is possible, at least short of sending him to a boarding school. (His older son is at college and is a sweetheart.) My boyfriend works long hours, and a few hours of family therapy is not going to cut it with this kid.

My boyfriend tells me I am the love of his life and to trust him, but I am afraid. I don’t want to lose him but I am not putting my daughter anywhere around his. Can you see any way through this?

Prudie's reply is spot on:
A: Your daughter’s safety, and yours, have to come first, especially since this boy has already been suspended for threatening another girl and has acted aggressively toward your daughter. If your boyfriend’s plan of getting full custody does not seem to take your safety into account, then you should not trust it, and you should not move forward in this relationship. If that means you lose the boyfriend, then that’s the best possible outcome in this situation, painful as it may seem to you right now.

secret's picture

If dad wants to save the boy, he can sure try.

Doesn't mean she needs to be around it - they can keep dating... but they need to not all live together.

Rags's picture

Once again someone trying to think with emotion rather than intellect.

There was no need for the person to even write this to Prudie IMHO. This one is so obvious as to be a waste of the electrons it took to type it up.

Cara1128's picture

Cara's advice:
Run like HE**!!!!!
Yup Prudie was more diplomatic but spot on!

Java_Junkie's picture

Uhh... Gotta admit, when I read, "My boyfriend’s 14-year-old son is a Nazi," I thought, 'that word is so overused here..." Then I read on, "He is addicted to alt-right sites and uses white nationalist rhetoric."

As a conservative, myself, I gotta say... THAT, folks, is what folks in my neck of the woods would call a "DEAL BREAKER." I read the rest of the letter and wondered why she even wrote all of that and waited for Prudie to respond.

EveryoneLies's picture

Same here. I thought it was an exaggeration, too.

NO WAY I would stay in the relationship if my SS is into the Nazi stuff.