Crossing the line OR Just being a loving father...?
So my boyfriend and I moved in together almost 5 months ago. Been together about a yr and a half. He has a 3yr old girl, which we have 2 day/night out of the week. I have a 12yr old girl, who 99% of the time is with us. Im struggling BIG TIME with a couple things, and unfortunately this isn't something I feel co mfortable talking to my gfs about, in fear that they will pass judgement--- because let me tell ya, IIII am having a hard time not passing judgement.
Anyways....when we first moved in and we had his daughter for the first time overnight at our new home, he told me he enjoys cuddling and laying in bed with his daughter whenever he has her(WE now). I suppose when he told me that I naturally just assumed he meant he enjoys to lay and cuddle with her UNTIL she falls asleep, but THEN would come to bed in our room.
Boy, was I wrong. And it shocked me. And this is an issue I am SOOO far RIGHT about, and HE is SOOO far LEFT about. And if we are to make this work then we need to meet in the middle. So I compromised. I suggested that since we had only been in the house for like a week, and this is all new and different for her, then maybe I should be a little more patient and give it some time as long as he is willing to compromise as well.
Well that was in Aug. It's now Jan. And in 5 months, the only progress or effort I feel like hes made is...right before bed, when she comes in to say goodnight to me, he tells her "Ok now just like I told you last week, Daddy is going to lay with you until you fall asleep but then I am coming back into daddys (OUR) room." And of course she does the whole, "Ok daddy" with a huge grin on her face, knowing damn well whats really going to happen. And it does...shell wake up a couple times and by the 2nd or 3rd time he ends up just staying in the room with her, and door shut.
I can add so much more to that, and my issues and concerns with it, but I'll spare you because this next incident has me at a loss for words. Tonight was the first time I've actually been home when it's time for bed and when we have his daughter. Normally I am at work till 11, so I dont ever get to see their bedtime routine.
Tonight I walked in our room, expecting to see him giving her a bath since I heard the water running, but instead he was taking a shower with his 3yr old daughter in the shower with him!
Please tell me if I am overreacting. And please, if you have ANY advice on how I can approach this conversation with him. And have a healthy and constructive discussion about it with out arguing....
Please. And thank you !