Welcome! And don't beat yourself up for having these feelings. Being in a step family is truly an UNnatural situation. All that can be expected and SHOULD be expected is mutual respect, not drooling, giddy, googely eyed family LUUUUUUV.

Have his dad buy his gifts. I know it sucks, but he DOES exist. Or, you could just get him a $20 or under gift, then you won't have spent alot on him and he won't have to feel unloved on Christmas. Does he live with you full-time?

Could you please explain more as to why you don't like him.
You don't have to love him..but what is it about him that you don't like?

I agree that his dad should be buying the gifts.

I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. It is difficult to like someone else's kids. Especially when they totally disrupt your life. You can start out w/the best of intentions and hope that you feel love/connection with this child, but it is nearly impossible to reach that feeling. That's my experience anyway.

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been together 2 years, he only has his son about every other weekend until his mother decided she did not want him any longer. We have a place together and his son who is 7 (I have a 7 year old son as well) has been nothing but a challenge
We never have alone time as we have no help with his son, he used to pee his bed every night and lie about it until I threatened to leave and his dad had a talk with him. My son shares a room with him keep In mind. I was cleaning their room one day and guess what I found under my sons bed? Underwear with shit in it, guess whose they were. He has horrible manners and never stops talking or jumping around. He's rude and whiney and likes to call people out and make them argue. He is an asshole to my son most of the time guessing bc he is jealous. The problem is, I take him to school every day and keep track of his schedule more than his father does. I am just tired of parenting him I don't feel it's my responsibility. I don't want to take him to school anymore bc he doesn't listen on the mornings, then I have to let his father know when he is about out of lunch money and I have to email his daycare letting them know when he'll be there for the week. I work full time and so does his dad. I have my son part time. I just feel like I doing all this for nothing, no thank you's, no rewards, no happiness for meat all. I just feel bad bc his mom left, but that's not my problem.

Hello! Hey BRich, I feel your pain!! I sought out a chat group this morning because I don't like my soon to be step child at all, he really annoys the hell out of me! I feel like a shitty person for feeling this way but I get where you are coming from. I've read psychology articles about not loving your step children like your own and it's ok, it's hard to bond with them as a mother, I get that too, but I literally get super annoyed with him and sometimes lash out at him which makes me feel even worse! I have two kids of my own, a son who is 12 and a daughter who is 18, It's not like I don't know how to parent or like I don't already have patience for kids, I do, I've raised my two pretty much on my own, my son has ADHD and has been a complete polar opposite of his sister, he has presented himself to be a challenge to raise. I thought I could handle any ones kid after raising my own but my 6 year old step son takes the cake!

Why he annoys me I think a lot has to do with when he first came into my life. He was in protective custody because of his BM, who failed him greatly and was removed from the home and the care of his father. Didn't need to happen like that but sometimes the system is very flawed and children suffer because of it! (Another topic for a different day!) I started dating his Father in middle of this so I hadn't met him until months after when his Father was then able to have home visitations. He seemed fine for the most part but would have these violent outbursts of screaming and crying. My first morning I had without his Father, it was just me, my two kids and him. He got up and wanted cereal for breakfast, ok no problem right! Oh no!! Turned into a complete freak out!! I had poured his cereal and sat it down in front of him, he slid it away saying "I don't want it!" I just stood at the counter looking at him for a moment and I said to him, " You asked for it, why do you now not want it?" , He says "No!" so I go over to grab it and he perks up and grunts at me. So I put it back on the table and he slides it away again and starts crying and screaming like a wild child. I was in shock, my anxiety level shot to the roof and I began to shake. All I could do was to turn around and just let him scream. So he did and it went on and until he got up out of his chair and pushed me because I wasn't acknowledging him. Both my kids blazed into their rooms because they couldn't handle the screaming he was doing, in fact my son asked him to stop several times. Finally he did but damn I was a wreck!! For the most part he was fine, but something like the "cereal episode" would ignite this "Freak Out Mode" the more he did it the more I distanced myself from him. I started to dread his visits, some weekends his Father would work so it would be just us! It was almost unbearable! Eventually his Father gained custody, his freak outs became less and less (Thank goodness) and eventually his Father and I's relationship progressed and they both moved in a year ago. It has presented its challenges! The 6 year old cries like he's been beaten over everything which makes my SO instantly think his son had been purposely hurt when he hasn't he just cries a lot. The 6 year old still wet's the bed at night and thinks that because he wears a diaper to bed and his bed is dry that he didn't wet the bed. He has actually woke up with a full diaper and has said to me he didn't wet the bed. So I know he thinks that it's ok to pee in his diaper which annoys me! My son was made to share his room with the 6 year old which he was and still is not happy about! Even though he doesn't freak out like he did in the beginning, he acts very bratty towards me and my children. Very mouthy and argumentative. He antagonizes my 12 year old simply because he can, which upsets my son who is very outward when he is upset as well. At times it has resulted in my son hitting or pushing his son. That has also gotten better but the 6 year old still antagonizes my son and when my son becomes upset, he ends up being the one yelled at to calm down instead of the 6 year old for being the antagonizer. My argument with that is I feel both children should be held accountable for both of their parts in creating the situation, however my SO feels differently and never addresses that fact that his son purposefully antagonizes, in fact he excuses and denies his behavior because he is only 6 and claims he is too little to know how to manipulate. And that the real issues is my son putting his hands on his kid or getting upset! Totally disagree!! This kid manipulates for one thing, attention! I believe it all stems from his mother and her neglect. He only acts out when his Dad is either out of earshot or not home, so his Father hears my issues with his son after the fact and doesn't actually witness it. In fact his Father points out all the time how wonderful his son behaves at daycare and school, and when his friends take him for the night he is always well behaved, but with me and my children he is bratty and seems to cause conflict! Which causes me to be annoyed with his "cuteness" when he lays it on thick, ugh! Or when he rubs his head on me like a cat becuase he wants my affection. The frustrating part is, his Father is a very good parent and has helped a lot with my own son and his challenges, but I feel he allows his 6 year old to get away with things that he doesn't allow my 12 year old to do. For example, whining or complaining when he is asked to do something. The 6 year old will pitch a fit whine and cry when told to go to bed without being told to stop, but when my 12 year old tries to argue he is instantly put in his place and told to stop or there will be a consequence! This really bothers me because I feel like the 6 year get's away with misbehaving. We have actually fought about this a few times but it doesn't seem to change. I mean he get's on his 6 year old for sure when needed just as he does with my 12 year old son, but I feel like there are things he just seems to overlook.

So last night I had to run to the store, I took both of the boys with me, instantly when I said to the 6 year old "We need to go to the store", he starts whining and throwing a fit about why does he have to go to the store.. "Whawhawhawhawhaaaa!" We get there and he want's a cookie, ok so we get a cookie, then he whines because my son took two and he got one. I just wanted to get done and get home, then my son acts up and starts freaking out because we were "touching" the cart. Ugh! So the 6 year old immediately starts twirling and bringing his hand within mm of the cart just to tease my 12 year old, so I stop him and say stand here (in front of me) while I check out and don't look at my 12 year old and my 12 year old not to look at or talk to the 6 year old. Even eye contact sometimes between the two of them can cause an argument! Of course the 6 year old keeps turning around so I say to him turn around, he then decides to walk away, I grab him and say no you were told to stay here until we check out. We get done and turn to walk out, I turn around and see the 6 year old still standing at the register. I look at him and say let's go! He stands there looking at me and says "You told me to stay here!" I was like dude, were done, let's go! So he does but he walks really slow all they way out to the car. Ugh, it was all I could do to not get so mad at the way he was acting!

This morning I asked him if he brushed his teeth, he just stares at me so I asked again and he says "Nooo!" I was like really are you being mouthy again! He goes in the bathroom and the states "Oh, I did brush my teeth." So I told him to just go get in the car, grrr!!

I can go on and on with examples but I won't you get the idea. On the way to work I was so frustrated and I began to think maybe it's me!? Maybe it's the fact I can't stand him that makes him act the way he does?! Why does he relentlessly tease my 12 year old? Just to be fair, my 12 year old has issues of his own! Like I said before he's been my challenge child, he has ADHD, he's bossy, weird about things like people touching the cart at the store, or people talking over or touching his food or plate. He will literally refuse to eat. He's got some weird hang ups (phobias) and definitely get's upset very easily which has been frustrating for my SO. He's head strong and argumentative as well. In fact one of the things me and the SO agree on is that both boys try to boss the other which almost always ends in a confrontation. They spend a lot of time separated into different rooms of the house!

Geesh, that is a lot said!! I feel better venting! I guess I want to figure out how to not dislike my step child!? Will it ever change will I always feel this way about him?

People mistake "love" as a feeling... or grammatically as a noun. Love is in all truth a verb and not a noun. If one takes the actions of love the feelings will grow.

That said.... love is also earned by action. So, take the actions of caring for your Skid and in all likelihood the feelings of love toward him will grow. He of course must also take the actions of caring for you and demonstrate love to you as a reciprocal to your demonstration of love towards him.

For me that meant engaging with my Skid, doing things with him, coaching his teams, teaching him to tie his shoes, ride his bike, to read, to use the toilet, attend his school events, etc, etc, etc....... With those actions of love, the feelings grew.

I knew that in order to live my life with the woman I love I would have to embrace her son..... so I chose to raise him as my own. 21 years after I made that commitment to my bride and to my Skid I was awarded with proof that my commitment to be this young boys dad was appreciated. His mom and I met and started dating when he was 15mos old, we married the week before he turned 2yo. A few months before he turned 23yo he asked me to adopt him. We made that happen in short order and he now wears our family name on his USAF uniform. He will turn 26yo a week after his mom and I celebrate our 24th anniversary later this year. On our anniversary we also celebrate our anniversary as the three Musketeers and our 24th anniversary as a family.

So, I recommend that you consider taking the actions of love in order to have a chance for the feelings of love to grow.

It has worked well for us.

I totally understand the frustration. Is a hard place to be and step children are especially ungrateful and rude. Is harder to be an stepmother than a stepfather. We mothers really educate our children to be respectful and greatful with step parents. Unfortunatelly it does no seem to happen with fathers. Plus the influence of natural mothers against stepmother is a big factor. It is really depressive.