Any number of things can influence his change in feelings for BM.  What is important is that she is his past.  You are his present and future.  Quit trying to disect a past that is not yours.  If he is keeping that past where it belongs and focusing on you and the marriage you have with him, that is what is important.

He/they could have gone down the significantly usual path of breeding again to save a failing relationship. For some reason many people go down that idiot path to ultimate relationship failure.  Some people do it in an effort to save the family and create stability for existing children.  That is about the only think that would even come close to making sense to me regarding breeding again with a partner that they don't like.  For some reason there are not an insignificant number of women who want their childrne to have the same father even when that father is a POS.  Take the Kardashian breeder with the Dissic dude for example.  She new he was a POS before she bred with him the first time then she did it again.  smh.

IMHO of course.

My DH was young and stupid. I think that is a perfectly valid excuse. It's part of the reason why I stayed with my XH as long as I did - I didn't have the life experience to know any better.

I've come to realize that the man I married is not the same man that she married - and the woman my DH married is not the same as the one my XH married. Knowing that I have changed helps me cope with knowing my DH has, too. Whatever changed in him has made him a kind and successful man who is fiercely loyal to me. And that's enough for me.

Well, my DH didn't have multiple kids with one woman, he had 1 kid each, with two different dysfunctional women. He never even loved BM2

Low self esteem seems to be the bottom line. 

He stayed with BM2 for as long as he did (7 years, total) because of the kids (one wasn't his but he loved him as such). Luckily, she had her tubes tied after SD (her 3rd kid) so she was their only kid together.

I think they don't like to talk about it out of embarrassment. I have been with my DH for almost 23 years and I still don't understand why he had kids with these 2 women. He was separated from BM1 when she got pregnant, for God's sake! I do question if that daughter is even his, but, whatever.

It happened, for whatever reason, and you have now chosen to be with him, just let it go. Trust me.

I agree with the above, my DH is a different man than he was when he was with either of his past wives.

For me it was slowly having self esteem diminished by an abusive ex and truly believing I had no way out of that situation and that I was the one in the wrong. I couldn't see what was going on clearly until I left. Also, after awhile of being around crazy it becomes your normal. I only had one kid with him luckily but I'm sure it's the same for people with more than one kid - I loved having him and wanted more.

Sometimes you can't help who you love, even if you don't like a lot of things about them. Haven't we all been there? You KNOW someone is crappy in whatever way and you don't like it, but you're in love. It's as simple as that. 

DH is the same. He said things with BM were going down hill before she convinced him to have a baby and he had a horrible gut feeling the entire pregnancy. But he did it. Because he was stuck on her, their past, wanting things to get better, whatever. 

I don't dwell on it. Why bother? She wasn't "so amazing" and their connection wasn't "so magical"... More than likely, he knew that. He just loved her. That's it. 

I have one ex in particular that I know I loved, but I didn't think he was amazing or that we had a magical connection. I thought he was human trash (it's true, he really sucks) but I still loved him. It happens!

Can you not think of one comparable thing in your life that you unbelievably muffed up? One thing that you can look back and say, wow, what the hell was I thinking? Maybe you're even ashamed of something you did, which would make having to explain it to others now rather difficult.

Unless you were born with uncanny street smarts, wisdom and self control, I'd bet there's something you've done that would make others question what the hell you were thinking. Mistakes like that are part of youth and hopefully only youth. (Some of us, though, are late bloomers.)

Can you cut the guy a break on this knowing you've screwed up in the past too?

Meth Mouth got pregnant to ensure DH would marry her.  She lied and claimed she was on two forms of birth control that both mysteriously failed.  After she pushed out spawn and ensured she had a ring on her finger she had no problem not getting pregnant from DH again or any of the myriad of guys she was cheating on him with.  Funny how that works.

Me I was stupid and thought a baby would change my ex from abusing me...silly how that didn’t work out.  After he demanded I have an abortion or get out I finally stopped being stupid and left him.  

We all make stupid choices in the moment and don’t necessarily think about the long term ramifications of those actions.  

Both DH and I got married within a couple years of college graduation and were married to our exes a long time (for me 17 years/3 kids and for him, 23 years/4 kids). In both cases we felt we were in a "good enough" marriage.  For me, I met ex-H in college and he fit my 'map' of what I wanted in a husband - great body (yes, that was top priority for me),  attractive, intelligent and driven in his career ambition. We were the 'power couple'.  I guess I ignored what I did not want to see - ex-H always had depression, limited sense of humor, total inability to laugh at himself (probably NPD) but these things tend to get worse over time. Years went by and we had 2 beautiful children, girl (DD19) and boy (DS18); then I begged/pleaded/threatened for a third (DD14) - not because I hadn't given serious thought to divorce multiple times over the years, not because I wanted to 'save the marriage'; simply I love being a Mom and was dying for another child. Best decision I've ever made despite the fact any sane person would've advised to the contrary. My career started to take off and it is very easy to live parallel lives in a 'good enough' marriage. I was passionate about motherhood and career; I am close to my parents who live nearby (I'm so grateful) and have lots of good friends. Ex-H travelled a lot for work which made it even easier. Finally, thankfully he pulled the plug - I'm not sure I would have. 

I had already accepted that in this lifetime, a deep and meaningful relationship with a man was not in the cards, and I was ok with that because I had so much. Then I met DH and rest is history - I feel so lucky to have a wonderful husband/great marriage. Especially as kids get older - even though we all know they grow up, when they are little and your life is consumed by chauffeuring to sports, school stuff etc it is hard to imagine a time they won't need us. Well I"m there now - 2 at university this fall and my baby is starting high school. DH and I can have at least two date nights a week (after 5 years and lots of 'life events', this is not just a honeymoon phase).

So I guess every marriage is on a spectrum from a great marriage and equal partnership all the way to abuse. My marriage is the first; my former marriage was right in the middle. I remember reading a book 'Too good to leave, too bad to stay' - that about sums it up. DH had the same. Thankfully both of our exes made the decision for us and we met each other

There is a fine line between love and hate and that is the truth. 

I married me ex when I was 21 he was 28 so I was so young. We had 3 kids and were married for 15 years. Never even had a fight and he was a great husband and father. We made so many wonderful memories in those years....

things changed I got older and wasn’t 21 anymore and realized that as wonderful as my ex was....he treated me more like he was my father...loving caring and selfless and wonderful....but what was lacking was any desire, sex, intamcy of anything else that would be between a husband and wife..I loved him like a family member not as a husband .again we didn’t go downhill so to speak....

i divorced him .....but today if you ask him or his current wife...I am awful, horrible, worthless and he never loved me, didn’t know what he was thinking blah blah blah. He turned from a kind man to a monster who refused to even communicate with me about our kids (to keep wifey happy).

we amicably divorced as we both decided we deserved something more....he told me right before the divorce that he would always love me....now he acts as if I don’t exists and that he hates me....turned all of my friends against me and one of my children and he’s working on the other 2.

so again I say....the love hate thing is real.

My DH knocked up BM before he knew who she was as a person, and tried to make it work for SS's sake. It was OK until they got married 3 years later, which was when it all went downhill, ending with BM having an affair (or two). It's not uncommon for personality disordered people to start acting very differently once they have a commitment from their partner.  He didn't leave immediately due to immigration issues and his fear of losing SS because of these issues.

I wouldn't say he hates her now, he's mostly indifferent, though he has not and will not ever forgive her for the harm she's done to SS.

He had a first wife (I'm the third) that he speaks fondly of, just wasn't the right time for them - no kids.

My DH grew up in dysfunction and the aftermath of divorce. His mother was an alcoholic (many members of her family are unstable or disordered) who went through a series of men. His father doted on and became enmeshed with DH's younger sisters. Chaos and drama felt normal to DH, so that is what he gravitated towards in his youth. None of the kids were parented much, and he developed a strong need to rescue watching his mother deteriorate.

BM1 was DH's first gf. She lived in the ghetto and had worse parents than DH. They were horny teens from not-so-great families, and ended up pregnant. They married, had a second child, and were divorced by the time DH was 21. BM1 has emotional issues, anger management issues, and a persecution complex so her budding crazy was likely an aphrodisiac to DH.

BM2 was much worse. By the time they met, DH had been in the military and started working in law enforcement. He'd developed swagger to disguise his childhood insecurities, but still craved love and attention and needed to rescue damsels. He was easy pickens for a female who survived by using men. To be fair, BM2 was a honey trap. She was very pretty, great body, very soft, fluffy, and feminine. A welfare queen divorced with kids, BM2 was a former foster kid who'd been sexually abused. Both her mother and grandmother had been institutionalized for mental illness, and BM2 was ten pounds of crazy in a five pound bag. She was five years older than DH, and hooking him was child's play for her. They were together off and on for seven years, and it was completely toxic. He stuck with it because of his daughter, but DH was finally maturing and knew he had to escape for his own well being.

Eventually we met, and I think DH was finally ready for something different and healthier. If I'd met him even a few years earlier, I wouldn't have bothered. None of the women in his life (mother, sisters, gfs) were independent or self supporting, and he had accumulated enough life experience to see that was abnormal. I was self supporting, educated, never married, childfree, and well adjusted. I didn't need rescuing, but chose him and I think that did wonders for his self esteem. To be loved and wanted, just for himself, was amazing to him. 

Making themselves look better.  If he had kid with the EX there had to be something there at some time.  Can’t standing the EX is somewhat of a acted.  They cant stand the EX but The Ex  still gets the breaks,  it’s one thing when a marriage doesn’t work out.  But there was love there at one time,  

Do you hate or can’t stand your EX s  boyfriend or girlfriend from the past?  And you didn’t have kids with them.  

As for my situation, my bride had SS-26 when she was 16. The SpermIdiot was 23.  Fortuneatly she learned the first time and dumped his cheating dirtbag statutory rapist ass.

I have no BKs.

Everyone has a story, that’s for sure.

The union between DH and BM was an interesting one, or so I’ve heard from quite a few who witnessed it firsthand. 

DH met BM while they were on a mission trip in Africa. From what I gather, this was around them both being 17, almost 18-years-old. I don’t know how much truth is in this, but I’ve heard in the past that DH was sent home early from his mission trip due to engaging in physical contact with BM. 

From there, a long distance relationship blossomed. A lot of letters written, emails exchanged, phone calls, etcetera.

Then BM flew across the U.S. to DH’s parent’s house, where he was living at the time, attending college, and he knocked-up BM in his childhood bedroom and home. She told DH she was on the pill. He was dumb enough to believe her. So much for all that abstinence they preach, eh?

BM flies back home and a couple months later DH is informed that she’s pregnant and a shotgun wedding was in the works.

DH, doing what he believed was the right thing, packed-up his car and headed west, against his moms liking, btw. He was a 20-year-old married man with a baby on the way a couple months later. They had a 4 year run at marriage and were separated for a few years after that before DH finally found his backbone to file for a divorce.