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Can I ask MIL to stop bringing up DH's past marriage?

counseling.advocate's picture

Hey I've been with my DH for 5 years and been married for 1. I have a DS from previous marriage. He has two daughters from previous marriage. He was with his ex for like 8 years total, 10 if you include breakup in between.
I know their entire timeline/history, because of MIL, SIL and BIL. Only MIL continues to bring up previous marriage occasionally. Things she's already told me a thousand times... How devastated he was when it ended and how worried she was about him, and certain memories that I've already heard. I know it all. We were going to the sports park for the Fourth of July and I invited her and FIL, and she was like no way, we went there 15 years ago with your DH, the ex and her whole family brought food and everything and traffic was hell after fireworks.
Just crap like that all the time. Why does she have to tell me about this kind of stuff you know? I don't NEED to know about their previous memories, especially right before I'm about to go there when it might enter my mind lol.
I'm not jealous, I don't mind hearing about her when she's being referred to in present day. But I don't appreciate people talking about their marriage and their divorce. My family has never done this to Kevin. Never mentioned my ex, ever! It's just rude.

What do you all think? Do you think I should say anything to her? I don't think DH should cuz she doesn't do it in front of him and i don't want him fighting my battles, so it's me or nothing. At what point/how many years in is acceptable? Should I wait until my relationship exceeds theirs? Lmao

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Blank stare

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Leave room-didn't you leave a burner on in the kitchen?

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I'd cut her off real quick. With smart ass sarcastic remarks to get your point across.

You could start innocently ~ like oh I know you told me that already or .... Don't really car about what BM n DH did in the past. We are making new memories not rehashing old shit. Thanks g mom

Rags's picture

This is exactlty right. Tune the flavor of the words to meet the situation but the message is bang on accurate.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Hopefully he's not one of those squishy guys whose worst fear is being caught in the middle.

Actually the middle is exactly where those squishy types want to be.

They want to stay there and not have to pick a side

counseling.advocate's picture

Hah! My DH called my MIL out on some bullshit the other day as a matter of fact and they were like "you do not have the right to talk to me like that! You are out of line!" FIL was pissed. They didn't care about the issue only the fact that they were "disrespected" lmao oh boy.

Old fashioned as hell.

Orange County Ca's picture

Absolutely he should do it but if you admired him for being such a nice easy going never make waves guy then you got what you wanted and you'll have to do the dirty work.

Be prepared for lash-back and consider Alzheimer's.

By the way it sounds like the ball park reminiscence was exactly that a ball park reminiscence not a ex wife reminiscence.

jumanji's picture

To *me*? It sounds like MIL was avoiding being told "oh no, traffic won't be that bad - you don't know" by making it clear that she actually knows from previous experience. Not to throw the ex up in your face.

counseling.advocate's picture

No it's just that I get accused for influencing his fights he starts with his ex so I'd like to resolve this on my own. I'm an adult and I'm capable lol

Just me now's picture

Just say hey MIL!!! My husbands ex is history and so will you be if you don't back off with your nasty mouth you narcissistic old hag!!!
Then smile and offer her a home made cookie lol

kathc's picture

I have found comments like "yeah he told me about that" seem to shut them down. My exs mom was like that. But when she thought I already knew the story from HIM then it defused her and she didn't care to tell me anymore.

counseling.advocate's picture

Lmao!!!!!!!!! If only she hadn't married her highschool sweetheart Wink hahahahaha

counseling.advocate's picture

Gosh, I just can't believe they would be so inconsiderate of your feelings like that. Seriously where are their manners?!? You just don't do that unless you seriously don't like the wife!
But they do it anyway! People are clueless!

Shaman29's picture

Your H should have a little sit-down "Come to Jesus" meeting with his mother. You shouldn't have to deal with this at all. But if it continues and he's too much of a twat to stand up to her.....

Look her in the eye and say "Why are you even saying this to me? Why do you think I care about events that happened around a relationship that ended in DIVORCE?"

And walk away.

Do it every time until it stops.

counseling.advocate's picture

This sounds like something i can do! I need to start trying like this, and then if this doesn't work then maybe in the future take a more direct approach perhaps.

frustratedstepdad's picture

That's a tough one, but yeah eventually you probably need to say something. It doesn't have to be mean or a smart assed remark. Just a sincere request asking if they could please stop bringing up the ex. They probably don't even realize they keep doing it. A smart assed remark in that case probably wouldn't go over well.

counseling.advocate's picture

Well... She and I are pretty close. Like friends. I go over there a lot, without DH or the kids and hang out with her alone and we just visit and talk and we get along really well. I just don't want to harm our relationship and sometimes, the words don't really come out of my mouth right. Lol. Unless I really know what I'm doing. She and FIL watch our kids, we go over for dinner a lot, I just don't want it to be weird after so I wonder if It's worth it, and after every time it has happened so far, I have hoped it would be the last time, but it never has lol.

So it's time!