Can’t talk to my husband about anything, feel really isolated
bew to this forum as feeling rather desperate and don’t know who to turn to.
My husband has two children (13yo son and 11yo daughter) from a previous marriage and their mother was completely unfit for many many reasons, he got full custody of his kids and then she died. They were divorced when his daughter was nine months old and she died when she was 7. This all happened four years before we were married.
I fell pregnant with our first born and we got married rather quickly (within a year) and I love him dearly. My baby boy is currently 5 months old.
if I had have known how hard it was to be a step parent, even though I love my husband and son more than life itself-I would have never, ever got married. It’s strange to say this as I have a very good relationship with my sd.
but nothing, absolutely nothing is mine. Before we were married her jealously would get in the way of our affection. My wedding day was tainted by crying and tears. My husband made my feel completely rejected during my first child birth as all he wanted to do was go home to make sure his daughter was okay. She stayed off school so much when he was a newborn hat I barely got to spend time with him. I had to share all our bonding time with making sure she was okay with a new brother. I hear about their mum every single f***ing day in one way or another and I’m expected to go to her grave soon, but I’d rather chew f****ing glass.
my husband misunderstands everything and although we rarely argue, they’re always heeated when we do. For example, I didn’t want his daughter to come to my antenatal appointments. As a young new mother, I wanted something sacred to be about me and us. I told him this as I wasn’t willing to compromise and he accused me of trying to come between him and his daughter which is never ever do.
today I snapped, inside at least because I’d never want to hurt my sd by letting her know how I truly feel, as she’s a child who lost her mother.
we were having an innocent conversation and something stupid and reckless I did in my past came up which I embarrassingly tried to minimise and move in. But my husband barged in either, “your mum did this and you should be proud as she had some balls”. First of all, thrill seeking behaviour doesn’t mean you have balls, standing up to responsibilities does, especially ones you don’t want. Second of all, how dare he compare us like that. I have been there for his kids when I didn’t want to be, when I was still maturing myself, putting these strangers before me , sacrificing so much of my own life and time with my own child and he has he audacity to say that shows ‘balls’?!
Ijist need someone to talk to. I wish it could be him but he’ll start shouting and his daughter will hear and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I always come last, always. I’ll never know what it’s like to be a new wife or new mother or have my own family. I’m always compared to someone quite frankly I look down on and I know for certain she would have f***ed up her kids more if she hadn’t have died (she lived a bad lifestyle).
i just wish I knew what it would be like. If parenting is a thankless task, step parenting is a thankless task you’ll also get shit on for.