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Birthday Party Photos from mutual friends- to share, or not to share?

rdwilliams's picture

Submitted by rdwilliams on Tue, 11/19/2013 - 9:22pm

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Blended Family Issues

Hi everyone, I am new, this is my very first post to the site so please go easy on me Smile I have a situation that I would like some advice on. This last Saturday we had a birthday party at my house for my stepson (we'll call him 'T') who turned 10. We invited a friend whom my stepson has known for years (we met at the kids daycare when they were like, 4 or 5 years old), however we no longer use this daycare and T's biological mom has stayed in contact with this little boy and his parents. They have been invited to every birthday party for years (we typically throw the parties since their mom never cares to), but this year the boys dad brought a camera to take photos. Totally fine (although I got the vibe that maybe he was 'spying' for their bio mom); until today when I find out he sent the photos to T's biological mom. I really feel violated and like this has crossed a line; they are photos of my home, my family and friends, there was a reason the biological mom was not present at the event. We do have 50/50 custody but we do not have a very friendly dynamic; we do not share things between the homes. Is it wrong of me to email this boys parents and explain to them that it was not okay to do what they did?

asnoraford's picture

Submitted by asnoraford on Wed, 11/20/2013 - 12:12pm

I would feel quite upset myself and have dealt with a lot of the adjustments of doing birthday parties that cross bio/step lines. While I would not email them (you wouldn't want that to be forwarded too), I might mention it to them the next time you meet if it is regular enough. You don't need to get into all the details about the relationship you have with her and the custodial agreement. However, if it was an innocent act, they'll be more than apologetic. If it was not, they'll know that you are not afraid to set boundaries around what is acceptable in your home. Either way, planning for next year and other events is important. Perhaps sharing to guests that you're more than happy to send them a couple of pictures after the event is a possible arrangement for long-term and/or other events that could include people with curiosities about the no camera rule.

Hope the comments help.