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Bf's d 6 and BM drive me insane

Crazymommaof4's picture

I've lived with my bf 8 months and just the sound of his daughter voice makes me made and irritated to the point of a headache! He mother is just as bad always texting or calling sometimes for no good reason other then the hope that it will aggervate me. I feel bad to a point cause the girl has had a hard life cause her mom is not around but maybe one night a week then it maybe like 2-3 weeks before she picks her up again but just for one night. She's at tension starved but is so irritating to everyone. I have two boys 5&14 the 5 yr old will give in and play but not often cause he'd prefer to not be around her either. But I'm to the point of daily headaches and not wanting to do anything for her any more has anyone else felt this way??

StickAFork's picture

I cannot understand why women choose to live with someone, especially a CHILD, whom they cannot stand/hate/abhor, etc.
That is simply beyond my comprehension.

Would you want your sons living there if your BF felt this way about them?

Crazymommaof4's picture

She didn't live with us when we decided to live together and it's not like I treat her bad I treat her the same as I treat my kids and his older kids. I don't single her out and treat her bad! I do everything for that child from making sure she's fed bathed gets to school does homework and everything else. I don't advertise or let on I feel this way to anyone.But the more I read these forums the more I see there are a bunch that feel the same way and to tell the truth I am here for the dad not because I chose him because of his kids at the time they all lived with their mothers except his 6yr old the mother actually pretended she lived with her when really she was with her family.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Do you copy and paste your judgemental comments, SAF?I think slowly people are getting over what you are doing with nearly everybody here when they try to share how they feel and vent.You must feel great about yourself putting others constantly down.How is that helpful for the poster, please?

iwasindenial's picture


hereiam's picture

I don't get this either. If I had hated my husband's daughter, I never would have considered getting into a serious relationship with him, even though he didn't have custody. Even every other weekend would have been too much.

Obviously, your BF's daughter has some issues if she's had a hard life at 6 years old. I think BF needs to be addressing those and worry about his love life later.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Crazy, I feel for you! I struggle with my SD now 7 and the only reason why I cope is because most of the time SO has become much better in dealing with her and the situation.
You are here in the right place to vent and please don't listen to the judgemental comments of some posters- if you are here for a while you will notice that they are always the same ones and pick on people, so just ignore them.
What matters is that you try your best and you treat her equally and fair.As long you can keep this up, you should not feel guilty or like a bad stepmum.
So, you don't like her very much- maybe this will change or not.Lower the expectations on yourself.You accept her as the part of your DHs life and help him looking after her the best you can.Keep it like that- if you accept things as they are, you may be more relaxed around her as if you feel you need to love her!
Some here recommed to regard the Stepparent role as a job!! I think that is excellent and takes away the pressure to feel what some others may expect from you.In a job you may dislike some tasks, a colleague or even the boss, but you do your duty anyway.If you look at it like this it is less likely to be taken too personal.

Crazymommaof4's picture

The way I do things with all the kids is just what I feel a mom does normally and even though she's not my child I just do them anyways like I would my own. The main reason I think I feel resentment lately is due to the BM she brought the child home several time with lice and doesn't correct the problem then complains because her father has a rule she gets checked in the presence of the other parent to make sure everything is ok well the last time she brought her home the BM criticized me because I kept finding nits after she has supposeably corrected everything which made me furious because my SO said nothing and I went off on her and told her it wasn't even my job to be doing this that it was hers. Then when she learned of our upcoming marriage it's like everything is going down hill when the child comes home she's not listening acting out telling lies to us which I'm sure is because of her mother because the child has asked for awhile now when we were marring and how she couldn't wait and she was happy even before we decided to but now due to all this idk if its a good idea to. He talks all the time of it and is telling everyone we are but here I sit in silence because idk how to tell him because I don't want him to think I don't love him. I found this site and came to vent and I think it's great I'm not alone in this and as for haters I care not about your words because usually they having nothing better to do then hate because their lives suck and need to feel good about something so your welcome I'm glad I could make you feel good about yourself Smile