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Bathroom Hog

Faith711's picture

A little background, I have 3 boys two of which still live at home ages 19 and 18. The 18 year old is in his senior year of high school and the 19 year old works for a company we own. My SS moved in with us 5 years ago. My husband and I have argued numerous times about my SS taking 30 and 40 minute showers. My boys shower at night so they can sleep a little later. My SS showers in the mornings and thinks he should also be able to sleep in and still get to take his 30-40 minute shower. The boys have to be out of the house by 7:45 to get to their destinations on time. SS gets in the bathroom around 7 and doesn't come out until 7:40 or so. My 19 year old has left numerous times without being able to brush his teeth and I've caught my 17 year old having to go outside to pee because he cant get in the bathroom. I've talked to my husband, argued, everything I can think of but it does no good. He will say something but that's as far as it goes. It doesn't affect him so it's really not a big deal to him and he doesnt see the problem. My ceiling is mildewing from all the moisture, it you go in the bathroom when he gets out there's water running down the walls from the humidity. There's nothing I can do to really punish him because he dad won't back me up anyhow. If you say something to SS his response is that my boys should get up earlier if they want in the bathroom. He has no consideration for others BUT if he needs in the bathroom he will beat on the door and yell until he gets in. My boys have just seemed to accept things and don't complain anymore because they don't want to cause an argument between me and DH.  It's to the point where I have started taking a bath in the mornings and using up as much hot water as I can so that it runs out while he's in the shower. My DH says I'm being childish, but I'm fed up!  He's not going to back me up because SS will just threaten to move back to his moms. So that's where I'm at...on the off chance he gets in the shower before I get in the tub then I give him 15 minutes and I start my bath. If I'm up first then he gets what hot water is left. I told my DH he should have done a better job at teaching his so  "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  He will get as much consideration out of me as he has given everyone else over the past 5 years.  Short of leaving, I don't know what else to do. Oh and SS is 16 so he knows good and well what he's doing and could care less if he causes problems between me and his dad. Honestly I think he enjoys it. 
Well that's my story. And advice is very much appreciated. Thanks and love to all. 

Harry's picture

SS is aloud to get away with it.  You have to explain to DH. That you are fed up with this. You are going to stop cooking cleaning until he does something.  He is making it between SS and you,  You are losing all respect for DH for being spineless.  You are not  going to be a marriage with a spineless man.    You can turn off the water heater so he has only five minutes 

Winterglow's picture

Tell him in front of everyone that he can masturbate in his bedroom as much as he wants but that he doesn't get to inconvenience the rest of the family by doing it in the shower when time is short. 

Either that or you impose military style showers in your home (I have two daughters and this is what I did). You run the water to get wet. You stop the water. You lather up. You turn on the water again and rinse. 

If all else fails, use the "think of the planet" line that my daughters use. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Turn down the heat on the hot water heater so he runs out of hot water. Or, if you know how, shut off the hot water after 10 minutes. It sounds like this is doing actual damage to your house. Mold can be a real problem. If you went at it from that standpoint with your DH, would it help? Honestly, this might be a hill to die on for me. SS is affecting everyone in the household and doing monetary damage.

Faith711's picture

Oh, I'm dying on this hill. This has been an argument for 5 years. I've shown DH the mildew apparently I'm overreacting. The paint is peeling off the walls above the shower and the mildew is spreading across the ceiling. Its disgusting!  If it weren't for the fact that we own two businesses I'd be gone. I'm not walking away from something that one day my sons will own though. 
Honestly, I'm putting money back to hopefully put a down payment on a beach house. There's nothing that says that we have to live in the same house, lol. 
Back to DH though, the only thing that seems to get his attention is cutting him off. Then he will fuss at SS and stay on him until he thinks everything has blown over and goes right back to how he was, oblivious to anything around him. 
I guess honestly, I just needed to vent and not be judged. I know my close friends and family are sick of hearing about it. I would be if I were them. Thanks for listening. I needed that. 

floralsm's picture

Oh that would annoy me something chronic. Maybe unscrew the shower head and leave it in the bathroom for SS to screw back on again. By the time he's finished moping and maybe done it, your boys would be done in the bathroom haha. Tell your DH your just teaching him a valid lesson. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Doesn't he go to the same high school as your kid? How can one have to leave at 7:45 and the other stays in the shower until 7:40 if he should be at the same place?

You house sounds like mine, what effect does running the kitchen faucet have on the shower temp? It might be time for you to start leaving some dishes to do in the morning or start same laundry that needs hot water when he goes into he bathroom. Make that long shower a less pleasant experience so when he complains you can say it's not reasonable to tie up the bathroom for 40 mins when there are 4 other people with schedules and needs.

I have long hair and have to shave and my showers are 20 mins tops. If you're in the shower you should be cleaning yourself not just standing in the water or doing "other things."

ESMOD's picture

I might figure out where my water shut off valve is and after 10 minutes?  I would just go cut it off.. and when he comes out.. your kid can rush in.. lock the door while you cut it back on..lol.

The other option may require some consistent planning and execution by your kids.  Your SS is right to an extent.. that they could get up earlier.. so they do that.. and cut HIM off at the pass.  A couple of weeks of that.. maybe he will rethink this race to monopolize the shower.  and they should run every drop of hot water out before he can get to it.

If your DH is home when all of this occurs.. then another option is for you to set a timer for 15 minutes when SS goes in... show it to your DH and tell him he needs to evict his son because 15 minutes is plenty long enough.. when there are TWO  other kids who need to use the bathroom.

Also.. it sounds like you do have a 2nd bathroom.. perhaps when your DH sees your two kids traipsing through his bedroom to brush their teeth and pee will he reconsider.. obv.. you probably don't want to give up your master bath.. but if it is getting to where the kids go outside to relieve themselves? nope.. you need to tell them your bathroom is open as an alternate.. and you can keep a spare set of toothbrushes for them to use...  If your DH doesn't want them in his room in the morning.. he knows how to fix it. 

And.. yeah.. I would be running that water out too.. is it passive aggressive? sure.. but his kid is being an ahole.. and you have tried the direct approach.. and your DH won't back you up.. so you are handling it... if he wants it handled differently? he can fix the problem.

AgedOut's picture

when I was a teen, and my older brother as well, Dad had a way of telling us we'd been in the hot shower too long... he'd flush the toilet in the powder room down stairs and we'd get a cold shower abruptly. 

shamds's picture

My ss would be in shower with running water for almost an hour.

no showering but the running water was on. My husband lost it with ss. We'd be about to drive interstate for family wedding and 15 mins before leaving, he's still got the water on and showering and my husband would be shouting at him

as usual he was not on time and would come out with a gigantic suitcase like he was travelling o/seas for a 2 day trip where he could wash clothes at family members home like we all do. 
 

hubby would tell him he had to change his suitcase, that there was no room

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My ceiling is mildewing from all the moisture, it you go in the bathroom when he gets out there's water running down the walls from the humidity.

Oh, what a bunch of horsepuckey. Mildew can be a health hazard and your H is being idiotic about this. Your H needs to pay for this to be repaired. If he cannot man up and parent his son, by all means, turn off the hot water to cut that shower to a reasonable time. I can shower, wash/condition my hair, and shave everything in less than 15 minutes. 

Merry's picture

It doesn't affect him so it's really not a big deal to him and he doesnt see the problem.

Then how can you MAKE it affect him? Have the shower hog or the other boys use the master bath? Insist DH deal with the mildew problem--clean, paint, new vent? Confront SS while your DH is present? 

Is your DH never home to see this play out? If not, he needs to witness it himself and be the one to turn off the hot water a few times.

Your SS is a selfish a$$ but so is your DH. Three of the five people in the house are unhappy, but DH blows right by that because HE is comfortable. And HIS son is comfortable. HE DOESN'T CARE that you are unhappy. Come on, find your  your Mama Bear and put on your b!tch boots.

 

Rags's picture

Since SS thinks he can sleep late nad hog the bathroom, play to that idiocy and leave him dancing in the hallway holding Mr. Pee Pee until your boys are finished and out the door.  SS can be late to work.

Not your problem.

Or... put a code lock on the door and only give it to your boys.  They can leave it open for SS after they leave.

Since DH does not have testicular fortitude to get his spawn in line, you do it.

Good luck.

Stepdrama2020's picture

I would make it so hard on SS that he does go back to BM's. 

SS is the family pot stirrer. He takes power in the long showers. He knows it is an annoyance, inconvenience, and big daddio will do nothing about it . SS reigns supreme.

Take back your power, or shower, in this case. Turn off the water after five minutes, beat him to the bathroom. ANYTHING to let this lil shit know you are taking charge. Keep taking those long hot baths. Get creative hun, and beat the lil shit stirrer at his own game. 

SteppedOut's picture

Seriously your husband is being as much of a jackass as his kid.

This 100% would not be something i would let go of. Your HUSBAND is not giving a shit about how unbearable his kid is making your kids lives. At the very raw and basic level, that is exactly what it boils down to. Nope. That would not work for me, at all.