Am I overreacting?
I just found out that my DH has been lying to me.
My SS 8 lives with us along with my bio son 9. Both boys have a chore calendar which tells them which chores need to be done on which days. They earn .50 for each chore and $1.00 for each time they get $1.00 on a test. They are allowed to do as many chores as they would like to earn as much as they want.
My SS never seems to want to do his chores and I don't push it since it would only benefit him to do them. My bio son, on the other hand, is always checking his chore calendar to see what needs to be done and doing extra chores.
Since they have the ability to earn as much as they want, they are responsible for paying for anything that is not a necessity...such as toys, video games, etc.
My DH bought a soccer ball for SS last week and told me SS paid him for it. I had my doubts so I counted SS's money the next day. He had the same amount he had before. Last weekend, DH took SS to the store and SS bought a few things. DH said he paid for them. Then a few days ago DH bought SS ice skates and said that SS was splitting the cost with him. I knew for a fact that SS did not have enough to pay for half the skates. So, today I asked SS how much money he had left after paying for half his skates. He replied "I didn't have to pay for my skates".
I'm pissed that SS has been getting away without paying for anything! No wonder he never wants to do his chores...I wouldn't either if daddy was buying me everything I wanted!!! I am so angry! My bio son pays for everything extra that he wants! This is totally unfair!
How should I bring it up with DH? I don't want to start a huge fight but I want him to understand that this is not right!
Please help!
I totally understand your
I totally understand your frustration and I would be mad too. If your husband agreed to the chart and the incentives then he should be sticking to it also. Is his son to good for chores? Ask him what he is going to be buying for your son since he is such a generous father these days. I would make him take your bio son out for a father/son (or stepfather/son) day and buy him a few things he desires or take him somewhere that he enjoys. It will level the playing field between the boys, it will give your son and his dad/stepdad some bonding time which can never hurt, and it will probably upset your DH's son which he deserves for being an entitled brat. Let him sit home miserable with SM or whomever if you dont want to deal with it, while your son spends a day with your DH. When he complains tell him your son earned his day with dad due to all of the chores he has been doing!
I would confront FDH, and
I would confront FDH, and tell him that this is totally unacceptable. I would expect him to MAKE this situation fair, either take back the extras that he bought for his son or I would expect him to take my son and buy him things he wants of equal value. He is being an ass, and not doing ss ANY favors.
I am sorry, you are right and DH is wrong wrong wrong.
It sounds like DH is acting
It sounds like DH is acting out of guilt and ss is taking full advanatge of the situation. I have a very similar problem in my home. My BD will work to earn money to fund her hobbies and buy things for herself and SS won't do chores and when he wants something he calls his grandma because she will pay him minimum wage with breaks every hour. Yes, its a bunch of crap but it is what it is. My sd is also invited to "work" for for grandma but my bd is not.
I would say something if I were you.
The sad thing is that it isn't the kids fault, its DH's. Does your BS know about the special treatment? This is were it hurts the most. The kids don't get the unfair treatment and then it is up to us to try to expalin why.
This is just my opinion, but
This is just my opinion, but I think you and DH should be a united front on this. I think you should talk to him because it isn't fair. It's also not doing the SS any good either. We had a similar situation where my SD got anything she wanted and my BKs worked for what they got. The SD went so far as to get jealous whenever the BKs got anything at all. (She got way more spent on her and she didn't do anything to earn it) She ended up being rebellious and walking all over DH because he was so lenient on her and she knew she could get anything from him. It also made the BKs feel left out. You need to be consistent with all kids AND fair. Hopefully, he won't get mad and understands. Sometimes it helps to theoretically "reverse the roles". I know it helps me in discussions.