Am I evil for feeling the way I do about SD
I must be such an evil person. I googled "I hate my girlfriend's child" and came across this site. It actually feels good to read some of the posts and see that I am not the only person in the world feeling like this. I don't know if I'm vending or just trying to put into words the way I feel or actually asking for advice on how to deal with my two year old step daughter.
A bit of background. I'm 34 years old. Never married and have a 7 year old biological daughter. I have my daughter with me every weekend. I grew up around a lot of children as my mom was a pre-school teacher and later ran her own daycare from home. I like children in general and they seem to like me.
I've dated women with children before and have had the usual up and downs that goes with trying to blend a family. Not one of those relationships ended because of the children. It was just me and the mother weren't meant to be together.
I have always believed in strict parenting and I have raised my daughter accordingly. I believe a child's first few years is the foundation for the rest of their lives and I payed a lot of attention towards that with own child. Me and the biological mother is on the same page regarding good manners and we both get compliments on how well mannered our daughter is from friends and family. She does good in school and other activities.
Which brings me to my current situation. 6 months a go on my travels I met a beautiful lady. We instantly connected and started seeing eachother. She is 30 and has a 2 year old daughter which is the product of one night of drunken bliss. She also has never been married. The biological dad has seen the child 3 times in her life so far and he isn't really envolved.
Excuse me if I may seem rude but when I think about this child the word f**k comes up in my mind a lot. When I was seeing my girlfriend when weren't living together she always made plans for her little sweetpea to be at her aunts house so we could have some alone time. In a heartbeat I knew that I wanted to marry this girl. We decided she would move in with me and rent out her house. To make the move easier she arranged for her little angel to be with her aunt for two weeks and then we would go fetch her.
The two weeks went really well and I thought wow this is great. Enters the little angel. Now in general I'm a positive person who tries to see the good in people. If I have to sum this little girl up in a few words it would be "Chucky" that little doll from that movie Childs play. Now I've seen children with behaviour problems and ADHD and the works but nothing has prepared me for this.
People would think you are lying or just plain making things up if they haven't experienced this but you honestly won't believe how manupilative and clever a little 2 year old girl can be. I know the whole "she's just a lil kid and you are intruding into her world story. She was raised as the center of her mother's universe for 2 years and now she has a hard time accepting that me and my daughter are also now part of mommy's life.
I've been giving her time to adapt but good God I didn't know it was going to be such a struggle. From the morning she opens her eyes right through the day she needs her mommy. She has 3 words in her vocab consiting of "mommy", "ouch" and "wa" which I learned means coldrink. The rest are monkey like noises ooh ooh ah ah..
She and her mother are together 24/7. When I get home from work we don't do the sitting infront of the tv thing. We sit at the dining room table. The first night we sat there talking and she had to sit on mommy's lap. We couldn't hold a conversation as this little kid kept interrupting ooh ooh ah ah and pulling faces trying to get mommy's attention away from me. I touched my girlfriends hand and the monkey noises turned in to pig like grunts and nostrills flairing. First time ever in my life I saw a demon in a childs eyes. She kept pointing at my hand and I just told her in a stern voice No we don't interrupt when big people are talking. What happened next I can only describe as the noises when a two cats fight and she tried to hit me. I stood up firmly grabbed her out of her moms lap and put her on a chair. I told her we don't hit big people in this house. This ended up in a kicking screaming contest and it sounded like someone through boiling water over her. I just stood my ground and kept putting her back in the timeout chair until after an hour she gave up and sat still.
I watched the mother's reaction and a couple of times she wanted to interfere and I just notioned to her calmly that I got this. I realised that night that I was in for a ride. That night was the start of a lot of problems. She used to sleep on a matrass next to our bed. In the morning we wake up and her mother makes us coffee then we have half an hour to chat and cuddle and then I have to get up for work. This little demon spawn can't wake up like a normal child. She has to wake up screeching and screaming like a banchee maaaaa maaaa then she needs to climb on right on top her mommy and do the monkeynastics and her mother needs to give her attention and tell her how cute she is. I then just get up and go finnish my coffee in the bath. I got fed up with that routine and we got her into her own room. Guess what we now have the most annoying alarm clock an hour before my real alarm goes off.
I can't understand why it is that me who generally likes children can't find one positive thing about this todler. Everything about her irritates me. I don't even eat with them and I go sit in my bedroom and eat as I can't stand her stuffing her cheeks like a squirrel. Chewing with her mouth open digging with her hands into the food. She has more toys than most kids that I know but her mother is her toy. she can't be alone in her room 5minutes without calling out to her mommy. If you tell her the big people are talking now you need to go and play the banshee routine kicks in and then when mommy picks her up you must see the smirk and look in her eyes when she looks at me over mommy's shoulder.
She breaks everything and draws on the walls with her crayons. She used to bath with mommy in our bathroom in our bedroom. I walk into the bathroom once she was sitting on mommy's lap inside the bath clinging to mommy like those little baboons do in the wild. I told my girlfriend that I don't think this is healthy and we started letting her bath alone in the other bathroom. You draw her a bath and put bubble bath and all her rubber duckies in. She can't be in that bath 2 minutes alone then mommy needs to come play with her. Mommy can't walk outside alone to go fetch something from the car then she runs like a possesed person to the door yelling mommy mommy.
My girlfriend tells me she knows she's part of the problem and wants to fix it but then it goes well for a day and then its just back to sqaure one. I think I will never love this child and many people will think I'm a bad person but how can I love a child if I can't even find one thing to like about her. My girlfriend and my 7year old get along great. But as soon as they do a little bonding doing girly stuff like painting their nails in enters the little demon and throws a tantrum because mommy is giving attention to someone else. She also hits my daughter and grabs things out of her hands. I gave my daughter permission to hit her back as she is no ones punching bag specially a little demon brat's.
Now the only fun times at home are date nights when we drop the little vermon off at my moms and go and spend some time alone. The only other time I enjoy is when she is sleeping. A lot of comments I see on this site says leave the relationship. Honestly its not that easy as I have come to love the mother and the only issue between us is this little s**t. Yes I knew she had a kid what I didn't know was that it was a selfcentered little demon.
Am I an evil person. Maybe I am as I can honestly say I like it when she falls and gets hurt or when her mom fights with her. I also do my best at pointing out to her mom when she has done something wrong. I actually suggested daycare now. I hope that maybe some time away from mommy wil cure this constant needy and clingy and jealous behaviour.