Am I being too harsh with my stepdaughter?
I have two stepdaughters (ages 16 and 14) and last night I upset my husband because he said I was being too harsh with his oldest, the 16 year old. Last night at dinner, she has this habit of licking her fingers in a loud way. It is like obnoxiously loud and she will lick Every. Single. Finger at the dinner table with this loud smacking sound. I don't expect perfect manners, I don't say keep your elbows off the table and sit up straight, but come on!!! I feel like part of a parent's job is to make sure your kid has at least half way decent table manners so when we do go out in public she wont' have this bad habit of loudly licking her fingers without giving it a second thought. This girl is 16, she'll be dating soon and going to prom and I don't want her embarrassing herself with poor table manners. Am I being harsh? Am I being an evil stepmother? Because my husband was very annoyed with me last night when I kept correcting her. She doesn't even realize she's doing it until I mention it.
You're both right
She should be corrected but your DH should have done it. You should have spoke to him about it first then both come up with a plan on how and who will address.
It sounds like a gross unintentional habit so it should be addressed.
Gross. My SIL does this after
Gross. My SIL does this after eating Takis and she rolls them between her fingers so her fingers pick up extra flavor. She's 26 and I have never known for her to have had a boyfriend in the 7 years I've known DH. You're on to something with table manners being important! We harass SIL mercilessly when she does this, but she continues to mostly to annoy us.t
SD13s table manners are pretty good she just has a habit of touching everything on a serving plate before picking the thing she wants. I don't remember what we were having but she had to turn over and inspect every piece until she found the best one to take. I don't know if she still double dips because I don't have dips available whenever she's around.
I wish my husband would correct her but at least he will back me up when I begin correcting her first.
If the action is something
If the action is something generally socially unacceptable then yes I would do the same thing. Gross. I would have told her to knock it off and why. If DH counters me then I will explain to him why it's not ok as well (done this many times and with things SDs have done at the table when we have guests).
She's 16! She's going to be corrected by others in her life too at that age and in near future. I hope you got onto the other SD for touching everything!
I think you're doing her a
I think you're doing her a favor by trying to break her of that. If you did it kindly, and you have a decent relationship with her, then your H should appreciate you stepping up to teach manners where he's obviously not.
We have a very good
We have a very good relationship and get along great thats why I didn't see a problem correcting her. I didn't do it in a mean way, more of a joking way and she did not take offense. She does it without even realize she's doing it but she's starting to realize it which is good. But I don't think I was being too harsh.
Tale is as old as time. DH
Tale is as old as time. DH think SD is perfect. You bring something to their attention, and they are in denial. Because SD is perfect right??
SD11 has issues with table manners too. Puts feet in chair, answers her cell phone, leaves earbuds in, etc. I believe it is DHs job to teach SD what is acceptable and not. If he doesn't? That's on him for raising an uncivilized adult.
It doesn't happen frequently anymore, but we were all sitting down eating dinner. SD is chewing incredibly loud, talking with her mouth full and eventually spit rice ALL over the kitchen table. She is 11, not 1. I didn't say a word, but excused myself from the table and ate my meal in the dining room. I overhead SD later "I guess I was being gross." Yeah, ya think? IMO there is nothing wrong or "harsh" about expecting things from SD that are totally appropriate for their age group. Your teen SD should absolutely know better. Next time DH gets defensive, remind him how old his child is.
I don't buy that she doesn't
I don't buy that she doesn't know better. She's 16. She knows better. She eats lunch at school. If she did this there, some kid would have said something to her or she'd be eating alone.
What she did is gross. Her dad is not doing her a favor by not correcting her. She needs to be told to leave the table and go wash her hands after finger number one hits her lips. And that message repeated each time she starts this.
If you DH thinks you were mean, it's a good thing they were not at my table.
Pretty simple.
Nope. You are not being harsh. She is disturbing the meal for others. She acts as a well mannered young adult or she can take her pig ass somewhere else to eat and slobber all over her fingers.