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ADHD Stepson impacting family dynamic

Stellalouise's picture

Help!  My stepson (Matt)  has ADHD and it is really impacting my relationship with my husband, and the family dynamic. My husband (Ben) and I have different parenting strategies and we are even further when it comes to Matt. Ben allows matt to play video games ALL DAY LONG. He gets very angry if anything comes between him and his video games. He tells white lies constantly, sneaks food, leaves food in his room, provokes his siblings (2 blood, 2 step), has outbursts and stomps away when he doesn't get his way, etc. How to parent him is coming between Ben and I. Looking to connect with others who may be dealing with a similar situation.  Thanks! 

nengooseus's picture

I don't know your SS's age, but some of this is normal behavior that just needs to be reigned in.  All kids, whether or not they have ADHD, have to have limits and learn accountability.  Our job as parents is to help them learn to do that.  Teaching that is harder with ADHD kids, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try. From what you're describing, your DH isn't trying.

This sounds like a DH problem and that the difference in your parenting strategy is that he's not trying to parent.  I couldn't deal with that, but that's me.

GrudgingSM's picture

I agree with above comment that what needs to be looked at is the parenting. Often in divorce parents (especially dads) become way more lenient with the kids and sometimes will deny issues exist because they don't want to feel further guilt from the divorce.

that's just a guess based on very little info. But if you've never done counseling with DH, consider it. Find someone who specializes in blended family issues. Have them help with your communication and parenting styles.

also, we usually Don't use names or identifying info on this site. Many of us don't want bio parents or sometimes partners to know about our posts. And we use a lot of acronyms like SS for stepson, BS for bio son, H or DH for (dear) husband which helps keep relationships clear.

Rags's picture

Cut off access to the internet except for 2 hours per day.  End of discussion.

ADHD and any of the other alphabet syndromes of the month are often used as excuses for crappy parenting. If anything, these kids need a higher level of parental oversight. IMHO

Outsourcing the parenting of these kids to a screen is just stupid.

shamds's picture

The dad is doing bugger all to get his son in line. ADHD has been used the sole excuse for everything and not his lack and refusal to parent his kid. Thats the biggest turn off for me on my spouse is if he refuses to have my back and keep his kids in line letting the disrespect and attitude towards me continue because to tell off his kids means it would hurt their feefees