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When is childish behavior age based or personality based?

Tananne's picture

Sometimes I have a hard time understanding the difference between behavior that represents a selfish, inconsiderate child or behavior that's pretty typical for a particular age.  My fiancé is very consistent in correcting whining, talking back, etc but I just wonder how much is age based and how much is character or personality based?  Of course a two year old is going to throw temper tantrums, we expect that.  But when and how long are growing children given a pass for certain responses that wouldn't be tolerated as an adult in the 'real world' ?  I.e whining and crying when you don't get your way ... expected for a 4 year old but hopefully there are other redeeming qualities because I'd never hang out with an adult who literally cried over what show to watch?  It kind of sounds like I don't like children which isn't the case, more that I don't like childish behavior.

Are there different feelings and thoughts on this based on if you're a step or bio parent?

shamds's picture

Set in their ways by age 6-7, after that its not just age but a behavioural thing due to their parents upbringing style or lack of.

we all know teens have their rebellious phase but not all are like this, then you have puberty etc.

shamds's picture

It dealth with toxic ex's and parental alienation and dr phil even said and admitted its sad that parents after splitting up, can't see the ex remarrying means there is another person to love their kid and be a good role model etc.

instead you have batshit crazy and kids in the middle of it torn between 2 sides when relauty is this is the parents bullshi* that they've selfishly involved the kids in.

tog redux's picture

Well, certain behaviors are age-appropriate, but even within that framework, there are kids who have more challenging behaviors than other kids do. Some two-year-olds throw lots of tantrums, others have very few, based on their temperament. Once the kid is old enough where he/she should have learned to cope better, you can see there are problems.  That is, 6-year-olds should have learned to express themselves with words and no longer have tantrums. 

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "personality based", but temperament and personality do play a huge part in a child's behavior - but it still should be roughly age-appropriate. So a shy 3-year-old might be nervous about being away from a parent and that could be still age-appropriate, but if they still are at 7, you probably have an anxiety issue. Hope that made sense.