My fiance has a 4yo son. BM has primary physical but they have joint legal. I used to honestly hate my life and regret even dating my SO. Recently, I have been taking the time to work on my mental health and try to bring a little bit more of "me" back into my life. This has changed EVERYTHING. Realizing that it is okay to take a step back, to admit you need help, to NEED to work on you. Is is all okay. Especially when you have no biokids of your own. In the beginning, I took so much on my plate before I was even sure I could handle it all. I was thrust into this role of parenting that I didn't even want. Immediately, I began to resent my SO, the BM, and unfortunately that lead to casting my resentment onto SS4. HArd to not do, but very toxic for all involved. I have been very hands on in the raising of SS since I became a full time part of his life. I even coach his youth sports teams with my SO. BM barely ever shows up, and when she does, she has ten pounds of makeup and spend the entire practice/ game with her nose in her phone. Yet still, she is the main priority in SS's life. He just wants to make her happy and proud and get her attention. He doesn't have to fight for our attention like he does hers, so I understand why he focuses solely on her when she is around. I can't imagine having to beg one of my parents to even look at me.

This weekend, SO and BM both had to work. Little dude and I got to spend the day together. It was the perfect day. We talked about a lot of things, he asked me questions freely, and we genuinely bonded. We went into a shoe store and he was looking around when the sales associate unknowingly asked him "are you and mom having a good day?" There it was. The snap of the rubber band that shot me back from reality and slammed my feet right back on the ground. I hate that question, absolutely hate it. (Once, when he was two, he went through a phase of calling me "mommy." SO and I didn't praise or reprimand him for it, we simply allowed it. If that is what he felt like calling me, I was not going to punish or encourage it. That lasted for about two months before he slipped up infront if BM and she ENDED it. Fast. He never called me that again, except occationaly by accident.) He looked away quickly and busied himself on an untied shoelace, mumbling "She's not my mom." I tried to smile at the associate, who probably felt like melting to a puddle of mush like I did. I choked out a half-hearted "Ha, step mom. Ya know, all of the work, none of the credit," and tried to move past it. She smiled as if she knew, and quickly asked if he wanted some stickers. Of course that changed everything. Thank you to the sales associate who didn't see me as less of a person simply because this child was not my own making. The day continued just as perfectly as it began. 

On the way home, he informed me that he asks his mom to come to our house when she has to work and she always says no. That broke me. He said she always tells him he has to hang out with yaya, grandma, and that we are busy. We aren't. We ask to get him if we don't have plans. She always says he days he doesn't like coming to our house.

Such an odd game we play as stepparents. We live the life of interns, I suppose. Always putting in all the grunt work and never getting any of the glory. Not that I think we deserve it, but I've never heard of anyone celebrating "Step-Mother's Day," have you?

These are just my ramblings for now, can anyone relate?