He pulled the old bait and switch on you.  He told you what you wanted to hear when you were making the decision to date him.. NOW the answer is different.

Only you can know if you will be "ok" with not having a child of your own.  If this is something that has always been important to you, then you need to push him on his stance because it was NOT fair for him to promise one thing.. and now reverse course.  Make no mistake.. he has in a sense lied to you and about something really important.

This isn't in the same area of "lies" where you tell someone you love mexican food.. when it causes an IBS flare up.. lol.. but you say you love it because it is their favorite..

Had you known the truth about his feelings.. you may have not pursued this relationship.  and.. him saying that he and his kids should be "enough".. it's easy.. HE is the one with his own bio kids.. you are the one who is being asked to lower your expectations of what your life would be.

Now, sure.. no guaranty that a reversal will be successful.  NO guaranty that your fertility would allow for you to get pregnant.. but if he is not willing to pursue steps to fulfill a dream of YOURS?  then he may not be the partner you thought he was.

Your boyfriend has told you he doesn't want more kids - believe him.   Can you live with raising other people's three kids while not having the option to have your own?   Lots of people think they won't mind - and later find out too late that they do mind very much.  If you want kids - move on - I know that sounds harsh but it's for the best of everyone involved. 

This is one area in relationships where you really can't compromise. Either you have a baby or you don't. So it can honestly be a dealbreaker for many couples. You and your partner will really need to get on the same page or someone is going to end up resentful and very hurt. Most likely you.

If you think there's a chance that you might want to have a child, you need to make it very clear that you want that option open. If you opt to close that door, you need to be 100% comfortable with your choice. Think long and hard about this one and don't deny yourself something you really want in life because of a guy whose already had the chance to go down that road.

Personally, the regret of denying myself a child I wanted sounds like a bigger burden to live with than the regret of ending a relationship that might have worked out. 
But that is entirely my own feelings. I hope you can come to a clear answer in your own heart. Best wishes!

Please don't let guilt about grandkids influence your decision. Decide if you want kids for yourself - not anyone else. I made a decision at 25 to not have kids and have never seriously regretted it. Sure, I have "what if" twinges now and again, but I know in my heart I made the right decision for me.

This same issue comes up frequently and step parenting forums. A guy that is open to kids is suddenly not open to them anymore or tries to talk you out of it once you're married. As ESMOD said it's the old bait and switch.

Part of the reason why this question becomes so insidious is because it's very hard for a stepmom to make this decision once there are so many other parties involved. She is asked to consider her husband and consider his kids and consider BM and everybody else in this situation suddenly they become variables on whether or not she has kids.

My advice is for you to reflect on what you really want. Don't think about what your husband wants or what his kids want. Imagine yourself in 20 or 30 years what does that person want. Ask yourself if you were to divorce your husband would you still be able to have a good relationship with his kids or would you be left without a family? It doesn't make you a bad person to say that your step kids are not enough for you. It is perfectly natural to want kids of your own and to have the full experience from construction to birth to kindergarten to all of that. He is trying to make the decision for you because it's easier on him. 

I've also seen some stepmoms that want a kid very badly and their husband doesn't. They end up in a situation where it's his kids versus her kids and it's almost like two separate families living under One roof even though all the kids are his. The Stepmom wanted so badly to have kids of her own that she allowed her husband to get out of being a parent to them or contributing financially. 

Here is my story. My now ex DH said he would have more kids with me once we got married. He changed his mind, but led me along for a few years. His exact words were "SD is perfection" he doesnt want anymore.

He is my ex now thank gawd. For me its too late to have kids. Dont be me. At least your SO is telling you now he doesnt. Follow your heart, and dont waste your child bearing years hoping and praying he will change his mind. He wont.

Ah, the old bait and switch. Of course he feels like his family is complete - he has THREE kids! You, on the other hand, have none. Your family is NOT complete (and frankly, will not be completed by stepkids). This is a HUGE issue.

My DH had two kids with his ex, and there is no way I would have married him if he did not want another child with me. It wasn't enough that he be willing, or go along with it to make me happy, or not object too strenuously. He had to WANT a child with me. Now that I have my DD, I can tell you that there is no comparison between stepkids and your own child. My skids aren't bad, they were very young when I came into their lives (SD6 doesn't remember a time before me), we have a good relationship and I am very involved in parenting them during the 50% of the time we have them. But it is NOT the same, and my feelings for my skids are nowhere close to my feelings for my daughter. DH and I initially had some fertility issues and I can tell you that the resentment of the skids was strong when I wanted a child of my own and didn't have one. I could not have continued to raise DH's kids if I hadn't gotten pregnant and had one of my own. It would have been too hard.

If you want kids, have pictured yourself with kids, or think you MIGHT want to have kids in the future, do not tie yourself to a guy who isn't all in on the idea. You will most likely regret it.

I think you need to figure out if having your own kids really is something that you want. Do you really want to be a mother?

You have said things like, "if we don't end up staying together and I'm left with nothing", "What if him and I don't work down the line and now I don't have anything", "ive never HAD to have kids, it was kids of just the thing you do when you grow up", "What to do about the guilt I will feel of not giving my mom and grandchildren."

None of those things, in my opinion, are reasons to bring a child into the world. I doubt that you will be alone for the rest of your life if you two don't work out and you don't birth a child.

He already has 3 kids and has had a vasectomy. I can understand if he doesn't want to have more but if you truly want a child of your own, I think you need to find someone else to do it with.

Only you can make the decision on what you want, only he can make the decision on what he wants (or doesn't). Bringing kids into the world is not something that someone should be talked into or out of. It's not something that you should do because you think you should.

When I was young, I thought I would have kids (because that's what you do). Then, I realized that I didn't have to have kids just because I'm a woman and it's expected. I had my tubes tied and I have never regretted it. I have nieces and nephews that are handfuls enough

Childless SM here who is currently entering Year #3 of fertility struggles. For background, my DH has two kids and had a vasectomy. He did the reversal which was technically successful, but we have had some other bumps in the road (I likely have endo, his sperm counts are erratic).

Anyway, in real life, I don't strike folks as the motherly type. I like spending ludicrous money on top hotels when I travel. I like to travel for work. I like to work and tend to be pretty career-focused. I need 8 hours of sleep to function. I enjoy doing thing spontaneously. I can't sit at home for a full weekend doing nothing. I suck hardcore with babies and toddlers.

Knowing all of this, a friend asked me once, as she struggled with the same question, why I wanted to be a mother when I didn't seem the type.

I told her that I cannot wait to go to parent-teacher conferences. I'm ecstatic by the prospect of going to goofy shows in the park, and taking my kid to little fairs and watching them explore the world. I want to bring someone here who is better than me, with compassion and critical thinking, who can make a better world for themselves and others. I want to watch this little person grow and change and learn, and I want to sit through every painful band recital, get sunburned at the t-ball games, roll my eyes at the Karen who runs the PTA, and sell overpriced chocolate bars to begrudging family members.

Point is, while I have built myself a life for me that I enjoy now, I'm looking forward to building something different and new. I'm looking forward to building something new when that child launches, and when DH and I retire. Good, bad, or otherwise, the prospect of that change and new adventure is exciting, and I don't get that same excitement if I think about traveling or getting another dog or buying a bigger house or changing careers, etc. 

Now, I'm not saying anyone needs to be my level of crazy. But, I get excited about parenthood the same as others do about things they're passionate about. The prospect of not being a parent is crushing, whereas the prospect of not having unabashed freedom is just...meh, okay. Weighing it against my other options for the next few decades of my life (God willing) helps me realize how much that path brings me with joy when the others are just okay.

I have no practical way of telling you how to explore this. I just sort of stumbled into it over time and reflection, thinking about the future and where I see myself. My only advice is to keep self-reflecting, but don't settle for something if you want something else more. You'll regret doing that, and you'll resent your partner and yourself for doing that.

If you worry about how much time you may have left, go talk to your doctor or a fertility specialist. See where you're at and how you feel after speaking with them. Sometimes having "hard facts" about an emotional situation can ground it enough that you can think logically through it. 

Best of luck!

With BM. Where you have his kids 24/7/365 days a year   You will have no free time 

I have children.

BUT, if I didn't, there is no way in hell I would raise someone else's OR even have a relationship with someone that did. I would be saving for early retirement, traveling as much as possible, doing anything I wanted - when I wanted. 

If you don't have kids why live a life of someone that does?

Do you want to help purchase a home larger/more expensive than you need/want? Help buy teens cars? College? Weddings? Do you want your time, even partially, dictated by what is "better for the kids"? Retire later than planned? 

Sure you can "keep separate funds".... but does that really work when you want to travel with a spouse, but they can't afford it. Retire early, but spouse can't. 

Eh. Sounds like you have some hard thinking to do - don't waste too much time - you get only one life. Live it how YOU want!

This. This sums up a big part of the issue and the problems you cannot see.

You may try and try and try until your dying day, and these kids will never be yours. Is that the kind of investment you want to make - keep giving and giving for the next sixty years with the potential for zero return and an abundance of heartache?

Right now, you have only invested a year and a half which should show you what your future will be. It won't be pretty and it won't be what you want out of life. You are still in a bit of a passion induced glow and aren't thinking straight. You BF is not, however and as others have said, he sees you as a means to an end. Which is, help HIM raise HIS kids. He's not interested in having a child with you. Period.  

These kids are NOT your kids. They never will be.  It doesn't matter how you feel about them and how much you think you love them, they will never, ever, ever have a bond with you like they do with their own mother and father. 

They are relatively young children now and may give you hugs and "I love yous" but don't think it will stay this way forever. It won't. There will be conflicts and as kids get bigger, the problems get bigger. The problems also get costlier. Imagine ten years from now, you are asked to kick in college expenses for the oldest kid, or buy cars for them all, or help pay for weddings, house down payments.  Now imagine that those cute kids are now resentful of you, treat you badly and disrespect you.  Still want to hand over those checks, money YOU worked hard for?

Which brings me to another big issue. The other HUGE elephant in the room which you glossed over and that is ... your BF isn't even divorced yet. Don't think that won't be dragged out over the course of your lifetime. At some point, arrows will be slung your way by skids or other family members that you were involved in their parent's demise. You contributed (maybe in an indirect way) to their break up. Whether you were or not doesn't matter - you will always be portrayed that way,  

You are 29 years old and statistically have almost 60 more years of life ahead of you. These are the best years and they won't come back again. You will never be as young as you are now.  Consider the past 1.5 year as an important lesson in what you DON'T want in life and move on.

There is another man out there for you who would be honored, ecstatic and devoted to being the father of YOUR children together.

Go find him. 

I love kids.  But.. .I have never had an overwhelming urge to have any of my own.

My DW and I met when our son was 15mos old.  We married the week before he turned 2yo.  I raised him as my own, together with his mom.  He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.

No doubt the provreative instinct is different in men than it is in women. For the most part.  So my experience may not be applicable on the female side of the topic.

I do recommend that you do not sacrifice such a major part of life if you would like to have children of your own.  There are good men who would love to have a true equity life partner and make a family with that partner.

If my DW had wanted more kids, i would never have denied her that, even if my feelings are notably neutral on the topic.  If it had been important to me, she would be all in on having another kid.  As it worked out, it has never been a major point of interest for either of us over our 27+ year marriage.

Do not live your life with regrets.  Particularly regarding your SO's poor choice of breeding partners before you met him.

Good luck.