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SS no respect for property

TR27248's picture

I want to say that I love my SS11 very much, overall he is a great kid...

That being said, every time he is at my house something gets destroyed. SS thinks everything is a jungle gym, he has destroyed furniture in his room, scratched the running boards on my truck, wrote in dust on my car hood that messed up the paint, leaves trash all over the place (that I find hidden when he leaves), tracks dirt all over, just HAS to put his handprints on every clean window he can find, uses the couch foot rest as a trampoline...and on and on. I try to buy nice/quality stuff so it will last, but he treats everything like a toy.    

My wife has got to the point where she said no toys for gifts because they just get destroyed within a few days. The kids room at home is a disaster, dirty dishes in the closet, clothes piled everywhere. We spent $300 for new school clothes, found them buried in a corner under a mountain of trash.

I try to look over some of the things he does, but when my property gets ruined I mention it to my wife. Now we are at the point where she says I am just nitpicking him and clearly favor my SD13 because I don't complain about her, of course my response was, "she doesn't screw our things up." She always defends him by saying, "He's an 11 year old boy."  Itry to say I'm not being mean, I am trying to turn him into a responsible young man.  

Now I don't want to mention when SS is being a pig or wrecks things because I feel like I'm just disregarded and I'm too strict.  It is beginning to cause issues in my relationship, I need advice!    

 

 

Goodluck's picture

Welcome to Step talk.

Your the 3rd or possibly the 4th newbie today. Hope you will stay around here for awhile.

Sorry no advise yet. I will think about it and get back to you. I just wanted to say HEY WELCOME to "us' Smile

Rags's picture

With the combersome list of all of the crap this kid perpetrates, explain again how "overall he is a great kid".  It sounds like SD is the great kid and SS is a hellion who needs a consistant foot up his ass.

Mommy  needs to quit making excuses and apply the foot.  If she won't, that leaves you to do it.

My dad came down on my SS like a ton of crap in a one pound bag for careless damage to my parent's home. It only took once and that crap never happened again.  SS was visiting with my parents along with his cousins (my niece and two nepews).  SS is the eldest of the 4 GKs (27,25,23,18). As the eldest SS was expected to set the example for the others. My parents did the same with me. I am the eldest of 3 boys (55, 49 and would be 47).  I was expected to be the example for my younger brothers.  None of us was tolerated to be careless and mistreat our home.

If direct consequences are not applied, this crap won't stop.

Good luck.

 

ESMOD's picture

Kids don't inherently have a good understanding of the value of things.. how hard work goes into procuring them etc.

This is learned.. and by age 11, your SS should well understand the meaning of inside vs outside behavior.  He should also know the golden rule of "look don't touch"... especially when it comes to other people's things. 

he needs to learn to keep his hands to himself.  you see his hand on a window?  he is told immediately,  "we don't touch windows".  If he keeps doing it.. he gets a consequence.

He tracks dirt in?  He cleans it up.

He jumps on the furniture? he gets a timeout to think about the need to respect things... and that furniture is not a jungle gym.

He breaks something?  If it is his.. well. he gets no replacement..and future purchases will likely not happen very often.  If it is someone else's thing.. he has to work to "pay for it".  do extra chores.. and he learns how to do chores well.

And for goodness sake to your wife... your son is not going to be popular with his friend's families if he starts his wrecking ball ways in their home.. so let's teach him HERE so he won't be embarassed and not be excluded.  It's a KINDNESS to teach him how to treat things.  Of course boys may be a bit rough and tumble.. but he needs to learn the time and place for that behavior. (hint.. not in the formal living room).

 

NoThanks's picture

My ex’s kids were like this; especially his daughter. It seems to be a combo of not being taught to be respectful of property and self-centeredness. If he wants to jump on something, then he will because its all about what he wants. He doesnt care that he’s creating damage and costing you guys money. He wants what he wants. Its infuriating to watch. I use to get anxiety when the skids came over because it was guaranteed SD would damage or break something. Bare minimum she would make some sort of mess. 

You have a right to demand stuff in your home be treated well. And 11 years old is old enough to know better. He needs consequence every, single time he pulls this crap.