You are here

Sometimes I wish.......

DaniAM73's picture

Sometimes I wish my DH would cheat on me so I could leave. He really doesn't seem to notice that me and SS15 and SS12 have no relationship. We are cordial but that is it. They spend every other Saturday night and he made the decision for them not to spend the night this past weekend. I did a dance of joy. I don't even go places with them anymore. SS15 is always walking between us, or he is in my personal space. SS12 acts as if he is 5 years old instead of in middle school. Too much. I have no children and no patience.

thinkthrice's picture

Don't focus on his kids just focus on the marriage you will be a lot better off for it. Time to ride the disengagement express

tankh21's picture

Sounds like my life except my skids are younger. My DH told me that I hate his kids and that I pick on YSS.

DaniAM73's picture

Why do they think we are picking on their kids? So not the case. DH gets so up in arms when I have a valid complaint.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Why does he need to cheat on you so you can leave? So you don't have to be the bad guy? I'm not trying to be mean at all, but if you're not happy, take charge and do something about it! YOU, as an adult, have the power to change your own life. And so what if you're seen as "the bad guy?" Life's too damn short to live miserably.

DaniAM73's picture

I only joined this group yesterday and it's helped me tremendously. And you're right. I do need to take charge. I thought there was something wrong with what I wanted and expected. In reading several posts I now know what I want isn't far fetched.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Keep posting and reading- you'll get some very good advice and insights. (Though of course take it with a grain of salt- this is the interwebs.) There's nothing at all wrong with expecting to be happy and have the life you've dreamed of. Smile

ESMOD's picture

Do you WANT a relationship with his kids? It's ok to just reside in the same house without having one. It's complicated but often COD's have a hard time with the dynamic with the new spouse when their other parent (usually BM) has problems with them liking anyone but them.

It sounds like the kids are a bit annoying, but are they doing harmful stuff? If not, I would disengage.. let dad deal and as long as it's just a couple weekends a month, try to find things to do for yourself those weekends. I'm not saying "never" spend time with them... but don't really go out of your way. Let their dad "enjoy" their company.

DaniAM73's picture

In the beginning I did want a relationship with them. But it seemed like I was being used. So I backed off. I have started disengaging but didn't know that was a real thing until this group. I have limited my time I spend with them. I do go out when they are here. Just to enjoy the day. My DH is content with having them in the house all day. Plus it is less stress for me. Yes they are ANNOYING AS HECK.

Lost17's picture

I decided to separate from my DW because I got tired of always being last on the totem pole (after her kids, her guru, whatever else she was doing, then me) and having my needs minimized and invalidated. I'm not saying that you should leave your DH, but the people on this board have been through a lot and have tried, some for decades, to connect or have some sort of a positive relationship with their skids. It's really easy to point fingers at the kids, but let's remember they are still babies (yes, even tweens). The real issue is your DH and his refusal to acknowledge your needs and nurture them. What is he teaching his kids about adult relationships by allowing them to walk all over you and disrespect you? The argument could be made that he is teaching them that romantic relationships are secondary to their wants and desires...

I always say this, but try counseling before you decide to do anything...it can't hurt and if you're on the fence about what to do next, it could at least provide some clarity.