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Sleeping in bed

Tananne's picture

DH brought SD3 in to bed this morning because she was crying (second morning in a row) and I immediately woke up in a terrible mood and I angrily told him that if he wants to cuddle with his kids, he needs to do that in their beds, not ours.  This is literally my only refuge in our house. My safety.  And when I wake up to nose picking in my haven, it makes me hurt inside.

BM lets them sleep in bed with her often, but it's just not what I think is appropriate - I.e kids getting used to just running in to our bed whenever they want and from what I understand, it is a HARD habit to break.

So I made a house rule today - no kids in our bed. If they need comfort, he or I can lay with them in their own bed if necessary but no sleeping in ours.

Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone else dealt with sleeping situations like this?

tog redux's picture

No, you aren't unreasonable to not want to sleep with someone else's farting, nose-picking toddler; and it's not appropriate for them to be in your bed, you aren't their parent.  Good for you for setting that limit.

Rags's picture

I can count on less than one hand the number of times SS was in our bed from when we started dating when he was 15mos old.  He had his own bed.  

He was also a mutant child. He was quiet, slept through the night in his own bed, and when he wanted his mom or I when we were sleeping he would walk quetly into our room and stand at the edge of the bed and stare at us until one of us felt it and would get up to see what he needed or wanted.  It was a bit creepy at first for a childless new StepDad.

Even as he got into the later toddler period he was quiet and calm.  We would not hear him for hours. Then out of the ether at the other end of the house he would call "Mommy, Daddy!" We would chime in response "Here!" and he woudl go back to his tearing pages out of his coloring books and lining them up throughout the house for another couple of hours before the next roll call.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Hold your ground. You need a place in your home for peace and privacy. In today's child-centric society where the kids take over the rest of the house with toys and video games and whatnot, our beds are all we get that we have control over. 

Lifer33's picture

Its not really on, but sometimes the bio parents over look this thinking it's all happy family they want 

I remember my ss aged 5 being invited into our bed, '' to calm him down as it's what THEY used to do - eyeroll

Well I sleep just in underwear and was 8 months pregnant, thankfully I had my back to him and dh but ss then proceeded to trace my back tattoos with his finger. Most uncomfortable situation ever for me, and imagine if there was a role reversal, what the other bio would say

Missingme's picture

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do think you're being unwise. He shouldn't be in their beds either. He should wake up, thoroughly console his child and then put them into their own bed. That's the healthy thing to do. 

Tananne's picture

Well I should say that he would never go to their beds... I'm more so making a point because I know he wouldn't sleep in their bed.  I agree with what you're saying.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I totally get where you are coming from and it's a extremely hard habit to break! I let my kids sleep in our bed DD2 and DS5 only if the wake up cryibg which is normally DD2 and DS5 sneaks in our room but they ask don't have a step parent. I would not be ok with DH SD sleeping in our bed and I don't like BM would be ok with it either . If they wanna cuddle he can take it to the couch or their bed

Crr18's picture

You are being completely reasonable. I dated someone who still had his 11,9, and 7 year old in bed with him. He couldn't break them of it. Needless to say I did not stay in that relationship.But when I started dating the man I am with now I can tell you even though I sounded crazy it was one of the first questions I asked him about his children.