SD is on her way back
Hello all,
I’m super greatful for this group forum. I have had the entire summer off from my stepdaughter who, just months ago I learned after suspecting for years that she wasn’t my husbands bio kid.
I always get anxiety when she’s coming back and even when she was a kid and I was dating my husband she’d drain me but long story short, after having the summer off from this 14 year old I’ve realized how great life is with my husband and with my peace of mind in my home. The mother who was never married to my DH just handed her off to my husband and said she was his. The mother has been avoiding on the least amount of child support for 3 years, is obsessed with my husband and spread lies about me on social media. We now have no communication. I’ve tried everything...being involved, disingaging, everything. My husband pretends like he wants me to treat “her like she’s mine” but when I call her out for her lies, manipulation, destroying my furniture, manipulation and the list goes on he gets defensive although he swears up and down that he’s not. I’ve been Raifor abkut ten years and married half that time. We keep the girl full time and each year I never understand how if she hates living here so much and her mother and grandmother loves her so much, why won’t they keep their own child? I have no say so in her living at my house, it seems my husband is obsessed with her. He has not confronted the woman about the child or being his. He still wants her here and does not see what it’s doing or done to us. She’ll be here in less that 48 hours and I feel like I’m in panic mode this time. I didn’t have a clue what dysfunction I was getting myself into. I thought we’d just work this blended thing out. And I have a step dad too and he was great growing up. He got along well with my boo Dad. There was financial support from all three of my parents. In this case I’m forced to support and buy food for an awful person. Even my mother in law once confided in me that my husband was creating a monster and she felt sorry for me but asked me not to leave before she died. Not sure how I got here?
My husband and I both work full time and I don’t fell comfortable with her in our home. She has that we know of snuck a girl in our house for hours when I was in the other room asleep, sent sexual pictures to men and videos of her dancing like a stripper.
I only have msybe 2 more years to have children and fear starting over. My husband and I are so good and happy when it’s nudt the two of us. I welcome any advice you have.
Thank you
Welcome to the site!
First of all, you should NOT be supporting this girl financially - if you are, you need to stop. And that includes taking on more of your fair share of the bills etc because your husband is paying for things for her. It is the sole responsibility of the bio parents to support their spawn.
The fact that your husband is, as you put it, obsessed with her, probably means that your objections to the girl fall largely on deaf ears, and in any case at the age of 14, any behavioural interventions on your DH's part are probably going to have limited success, even if he were willing to make them, which does not sound likely. Especially since his own mother despairs of his awful parenting!
In your place, I would seriously be thinking of establishing my own small base elsewhere - can you rent yourself an apartment for instance? as the situation sounds like it's making you very stressed, if not ill. I'm not suggesting you end your relationship - at least not immediately. But gaining some physical distance from the situation may enable you to see things more objectively, will give your DH a wake up call, and will help you decide what you really want to do.
Time for standards and facts.
Time for standards and facts. DH needs to sue BM for fraudulently sticking him with her whore spawned child, the Skid needs the facts of her existence, and you and DH need to structure the acceptable behaviors and performance levels required of her in your home.
If nothing is done differently in dealing with the Skid and her whore of a mother, then there will be no improvements in your home.
I have zero tolerance for people who manipulate like this BM has and I have only little more tolerance for the crap perpetrated by toxic kids.
Thank you
All,
thank you so much for reaching out to me! The girl will be here this afternoon. Her family wouldn’t even take the girl to the airport to get back to use my own sister had to go pick up the girl so she could fly back to town with my Mom. I can’t believe that they wouldn’t keep this girl. She claims she hates living at my house sooo much.
Hell yea! I would he is owed
Hell yea! I would he is owed thousands for 14 years. Be a holiday for all the kid has caused you
Maybe she hates it so much as she realises how much her own real family dont want her and has to live with 2 strangers
Has paternity been
Has paternity been established? How is he taking this girl in and does not know for sure if it's his child or not? Why hasn't he confronted the woman who stated this? I can't imagine why he would want someone in his home that he's not certain is his biologically? Doesn't make sense!
Also you are not "forced" to support and buy her food.....unless H is holding a gun to your head. You have the option to not do so and you are absolutely not required to finance this girl. Your H is willing to put his marriage on the line for someone he doesn't know is his? This is a red flag all on its own. If you want children I'd really reconsider choosing him as the father.....he lacks basic common sense and respect for you and your marriage.
Paternity
He for years never got a test done. When his Mom was alive even she said he was dumb not to get one. The ‘mother’ just called him when the girl was a toddler and told him to come get his child that she was tired of her so he did. He raised the girl with the help of my ML until she died. So there was no court ordered thing. Once we had a temporary restraining order against the Mother. Tried again in another town and although the evidence was there the judge wouldn’t grant it.
This is absolutely insane!
This is absolutely insane!
If he's that gullible I guess I can contact him too and say hey by the way we have a son together and you need to take him.....I mean really this is crazy!
Yes it’s insane
Thanks for the laugh!!! Yup when the test results came back it says SD has a zero percent chance of being related to DH. He still hasn’t confronted BM about it yet. Years ago that BM tried to take a couple of other guys to paternity court it neither ONE of those guys were the father of another teenage girl that she has.
My husband says he doesn’t want to say anything right now to negatively impact the girl. For years he’s tried to get her to enjoy some of the hobbies or sports that he did as a kid...now we know why she never picked up any of his habits.
I agree with the others do
I agree with the others do not pay for this girl and now she isnt even blood related needs to go.
I'll admit reading this gave me a short fantasy day dream where BM tells my partner he ain't his. And freedom commences immediately lol. Not a bad person but I cant and never will bond with the child. Luckily asked if we could have pay day weekends off and my partner agreed and that felt good. If it was this scenario I'd be very openly happy tbh lol. Xxx I feel for you can you not get her out as she is q stranger not family?