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Really having issues with parenting

Abbeydabby94's picture

<p>Hi,</p><p>So I&#39;m going a little crazy currently with my step son and husband and I&#39;m unsure what to do. So I&#39;m posting here hoping to get some advice.&nbsp;</p><p>A bit of background first. My husband is polish and lives in Australia with his parents and brother (who live a 2 min walk away from our house) he was married to a Korean lady (who moved here to be with him) and they had my step son. They divorced not long after (it was a pretty horrible divorce). My step son is now 8 years old. I met my husband online, he is 39 and I am 25 years old. We met and instantly feel in love. We were dating for a while before I met my step son. I met him and things were going great. We got married and are now excepting our first child together (my first and his second). I have alot of issues with my husband&#39;s family and my husband&#39;s parenting. My step son stays every second weekend and every Wednesday. On those days it is required that we go to my in-laws for dinner and usually lunch as well on the weekends (I&#39;ve tried to get out of it before and it started a massive rift with his parents, they only talk to me now because I&#39;m excepting ). We have him over the holidays for 10 days in a row, then 10 days off, then 10 days on. Through the 10 days my husband enforces that we spend from 11am until after dinner with my in-laws. (Which drives me nuts because they have opening said they don&#39;t like me and my husband often leaves me alone with them) On top of this my step son has almost no rules when he is here. He goes to bed whenever he wants (often after 12am, he commands that I make him food, clean his clothes etc (when I have told him off for doing so, my husband tells me that I am not allowed to parent him). He refuses to eat with a knife and fork (my mother in law feds him with a spoon at the dinner table). We are required to do something that Antony finds entertaining every day he is here (going to the beach etc etc) and my husband pretty much refuses to acknowledge me or anything to do with the house. I&#39;ve tried to speak to him but he says my step son will always come first and I need to deal with it. Recently we got invited (my step son too) to one of my familys events (a birthday) and my husband refuses to go because my step son &quot;might be bored.&quot; So I have to go by myself or miss out. My husband does not see why I am upset and continues to tell me that I&#39;m the one being unfair.</p><p>I am also heavily pregnant now and my husband has missed out on important ultrasounds and drs appointments because I fell on days my step son was with us. He refused to come because my step son would be bored or feel as though he was getting replaced (he isnt, I&#39;ve been trying hard to make sure he doesn&#39;t feel that way).&nbsp; I don&#39;t know what to do anymore and I feel very overwhelmed.</p><p>Any advice would be appreciated. I&#39;m losing my mind. I love both my husband and step son and understand completely that he will usually come first but it currently feels like he overrules everything. Being heavily pregnant means I&#39;m also feeling a bit lost and extremely lonely without any support.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>

Aunt Agatha's picture

Are freaking crazy. This kid (you left a name in your post) sounds spoiled and unbearable now.  Good luck when he's a teen.

Im with Winterglow.  Get out now. Don't force your child to be around daily with a poorly raised half brother and your DHs wacky family.  Hopefully, they will be so focused on the Golden first child they won't bother you and yours.

somethingwicked's picture

There are issues with parenting because  your H is a lousy father ,additionally not  a good husband  .Already showing you that he does not respect you. And his family sound odious and clannish.Yuck.

You are being emotionally abused by H and his family.

He will be a rotten father as well to the baby you are carrying because he is a rotten father to his 11 year old.

Spoiled little entitled monsters  are created and your H is a master crafter in that regard .And his weird family also add to the little monster making.

H also does not respect you or your marriage when he is constantly putting his son above everything. That is not how a good partnership works. Children do not run the partnership of marriage. .I would make plans to separate .

Leave him  and stay with YOUR family  ; let them know you and H are having problems. Unless H wakes up and realizes his mistakes (and that won't happen unless he seeks  marriage counseling ,takes parenting classes) nothing will change and you will be stuck in the yuck  that you've described this man gives you.

Rags's picture

Your DH created this putrid creature with his XW and continues to grow it into a monster.  He is a failed man, father and parent yet you still chose to have a child with him and expose your own child to DH's shallow and polluted gene pool.

Your MIL feeds this 8yo with a spoon for F sake?  Really?

This is pathetic multi generational failed parenting at its highest level of development and lowest level of crazy.

Dont force your own child to spend time with these people.   If you leave and move far away from this genetic cesspool your child has a chance at normalcy and to thrive.

Please save yourself and your kid.  They have shown you how you and your own child will be treated.  Believe them and take immediate action to save yourself and your baby.


tog redux's picture

Yeah, I'm with the others, you have to get out.  This is one of the most extreme stories I've read on here, in terms of how your husband and his family treat the child like a prince and allow him to disrespect you (which they model for him). Feeding him with a spoon? You mean, like an INFANT? They are emotionally crippling the child because it gives them warm fuzzies inside to do so. 

If you want to stay married, I'd just plan to be gone whenever he's there, or at the very least not have anything to do with him.  But I can't imagine you want your child raised like this. 

ndc's picture

I could make a pretty good guess as to why your husband and his first wife divorced.  She was probably driven away by the craziness of your H and his family!

I would get out of this marriage and situation before it becomes your "normal."  Your husband is a bad husband and a bad father. This is not the situation you want your child raised in.  Hopefully you can get primary custody and provide enough good, stable parenting to overcome the influence your H and his family will have on your child.

Siemprematahari's picture

I'm in agreement as well. Please leave this man and the entire toxic situation behind. Makes me wonder what made the X leave? There are no boundaries and your H allows his son and parents to dictate every aspect of his life. You are not a priority in his life and expect you to suck it up and you shouldn't. This isn't a marriage and no way to live. So do yourself a favor and leave this insanity.