My partner and I parent his adorable and amazingly intelligent 2 year old daughter. One of my stipulations was that physical reprimanding be left to bio parents, or in this case, the father. 

That's not to say I let her get away with murder. Though she drives me bonkers sometimes, I take deep breaths and reign it in, and get on her level, Express what she did was unacceptable and why. This results in her tablet being taken, being sat in time out, cancelled plans. 

I was spanked growing up, I get it, it didn't kill me. But spanking a child I didn't have feels inappropriate. So anyways, on to the problem. 

My SD is usually very sweet, and has been very progressive in her use of manners and greetings. She is always helping me with something, and often does things for me without being asked.

Her father had a long day and was lying in bed. She had been nursing a push pop, dripping some on the carpet by accident. I bent down to get it up, to which she suddenly shouts in an intensely harsh and commanding tone, "clean it up, NOW!".  

I was gobsmacked, where had this come from? I was conflicted. Because all at once, I had grown concern, not just for her new phrase, but the inevitable sound of her father getting to his feet and delivering a spanking. 

It was a lot of weird emotions. I was slightly annoyed at the command, concerned that she absorbed it, (who had yelled at her this way?), and wincing at the punishment coming.

Needless to say, she freaked out and threw a tantrum amidst the pandemonium. She then ran into my lap crying, wanting me to sooth her. I simply told her to pay attention to what her Father was saying to her. He made her apologize. She then ran off to play.  Afterwards he seemed tense. I don't know if it was because his temper snapped, making her cry (no one likes doing it). 

He was super short with me. And started giving me th cold shoulder. It sounds paranoid I know. But it's happened before. Any time he has to spank her, he becomes snippy towards me, and urges me to be more accommodating to her to help smooth over the after waves. It's a confusing feeling. He says I need to learn to discipline, but gets on to me when I put her in time out. It's like I can never do right. I need help.