There are lots of ways to avoid how you feel. 

1. You can have separate finances. Each pay half of the living expenses and he covers everything for his child. 

2. You don't have to participate. Enjoy your weekends. Have fun with friends. You may just feel like this guy and his baggage is holding you back and find something else worthwhile. 

3. Have a talk with your SO and communicate how you feel. Maybe he can leave 1 weekend a month open for the two of you. Maybe he will want a CO and support order. Or maybe he will let you know he is fine with how it is at which point you decide if it's worth it. 

It isn't easy being a step parent. You do much of the work and get reap none of the benefits. And it isn't for everyone. It sounds like you are young. Be free! There are lots of men without kids out there. Only you can decide if a lifetime of someone else's kid is worth the relationship.

You are young.  You might want to pursue a NP program, a lot of things.  Please go slow, and whatever you do, be careful wtih your own birth control.  A kid with him will tie you to him forever.   You may see his ex more child support than  you, and you having to work while she stays home. 

If you do stay, he needs a court order. IMHO, everyone needs one.  

Were they ever married?  Sounds like not so there should have been done a DNA test.  A court order is neccessary to set and maintain boundiares between the two homes.  Dare I say BM tried to have a anchor baby so she would have income not from her own efforts??  

Once you get your degree and enter the nursing field, you will have crappy hours but great pay.  All the more to throw away on a kid that isn't yours.  

What is this man bringing to the table that makes this whole situation so attractive?  A big schlong are a dime a dozen and nice guys are more common then you think.  Chemistry fades but actions and choices are the true test of a life partner.  He couldn't even make you a card or write you a letter professing how important you are to him.  Slacker much???  

Take a long look in the mirror honey and ask why you aren't holding out for more???   You are going places.  He isn't very motivated to make sure he has enough money to cover his expenses as it is now and when you do get your nursing job, there will be MORE money to piss away and have nothing to show for it.  

Move out and  date him.  See if he mans up for his kid and you .  Or dump him and find someone who is on the same path as you.  Same core values and detemination to make a good life for himself.  

Money can solve a lot of problems with material things, but it can also bring on new ones or magnify the ones in place now.  

Its not your calling to take the place of BM.  

You’re robbing from your future to help pay for his past. Don’t waste your time with him. He doesn’t have his sh*t together. Resentment will only continue to get stronger and stronger. 

Time for SO to stop the EWE crap.  He is the NCP. There is no requirment that he take his kid ... ever.  Much less any weekend.  So, he tells BM that effective immediately he will shift to EOWE visitation and if she has a problem with the then he will submit a recommended visitation schedule to the court and she can deal with that when it happens.

Next time the Skid is at  your home harvest some hair from the Skid's hair brush and DH's hair brush and send the two samples off for a paternity test. If it comes back that DH is the biofather... do as  you wish. Says something, or not.  Not saying something would probably be better if he is the Biodad.  If it comes back that he is not the biofather... hand him the reports and ask him what he intends to do about it.

Information is the key to being able to manage any situation.  Blended family situations are no different.

I would suggest that you set some conditions for continuing this relationship.  Primarily that SO get a CO and set visitation schedule that is not EWE. I shake my head at parents who do not remain with their breeding partner and accept an EWE visitation schedule.  Why give the opposition all of the up side to the situation?  The NCP on an EWE visitaiton schedule has to pay CS and never gets a weekend off.  If the NCP has to pay CS anyway, why not maximize kid free weekend time?

A schedule that I have never seen for visitation' though I believe would be very fair, would be a 4/3 3/4.  That gives both bioparents 50% of the time with the kid(s) and gives each parent half of each weekend with the kid(s.).  Depending on the start day of the 4/3 3/4 schedule.

I worked a 4/3 3/4 schedule for a number of years. I worked Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and alternating Wednesdays.  In a visitation schedule format one parent would have the kid(s) every Sunday, Monday & Tuesday. The other parent would have the kid(s) every Thursday, Friday & Saturday.  Wednesdays would alternate each week.

But for the partner of an NCP... EOWE would be even better I would think.

Take care of  you.

And congratulations on finishing your BSN.  I know how much work, dedication and focus that requires. I put the first Mrs Rags through nursing school.  She ran off with her sugar daddy/baby daddy a few months after graduation with her BSN.  I wrote every paper she turned in during her last three years of college.  I never got anything lower than a B on her papers and only one B at that.  Having all of her final graded papers in my file along with the rough draft for each paper in my handwriting was great leverage during the divorce.    

Her departure was the greatest gift I received during that hell marriage.   Followed by a killer recipe for queso and a great pair of elephant skin cowboy boots.

Please do not toleratate your SO's baggage and let it detract from the great life preparation you are doing.  Once you graduate and launch your career you will not have time for the drama and for sure you don't want it to take away from the amazing life  you will build.

Good luck.

Is his name on the birth certificate?  If it is he is the legal father (no matter what a DNA test says)

SO needs to see a lawyer and find out exactly what the law is regarding custody and child support where he lives. Different places have different rules. He needs to understand what his options are.

Don't waste any more time. I'm also bio-free and dated my ex-BF just over a year and looking back I want to strangle myself for letting it go that long because I passed up other opportunities with guys who didn't have kids and sometimes those opportunities don't present themselves again. There is nothing wrong with wanting to actually enjoy the fun side of dating before really committing. That was the main reason I broke it off: I didn't come first and because of his responsibilities as a father I wasn't having enough fun to even want to have anything to do with the kid. But it wasn't that difficult because his situation (the ex, the kid, the finances) really was such a turn-off to me that I wasn't that crazy about him by the end. If you are head over heels, that does make it tougher.

You should also think about why you would take on so much responsibility so quickly. I'm always suspicious of a guy who would move this quickly and have you this involved in the child's life. He may want help with his kid more than a partner.

his responsibilities like diaper changing and raising his child to you. As a nursing student i assume with current situation its putting a strain on your studies so no way should he be coaxing or guilting you into these to/fro several hour trips etc. He needs to do it on his own screaming kid and all. He needs that shock to realise how hard it is

i’m a mum to a 3yr old and 1.5 yr old and am resuming my university studies this year. Ss has been forced when at home to vacuum the house and empty trash daily. I used to get coaxed into so-called quality family time with sd22, ss20 & sd14. 

We had to drive 2 hours away to pick them up and even get them from the train station even late waiting because they weren’t on time. They have motorbikes/cars and perfectly capable to drive but daddy plays taxi and guilts us all to attend. Next thing is they sit in silence for lunch at a restaurant then disappear a bit for shopping. Before you know it 8 hours has gone. That for me is like a whole weekend day i could spend quality time doing quality things with my kids at home.

so i told hubby it was selfish of him to demand i do this and be present when we have so much other urgent baby stuff to do and he’s palming that off for lazy skids. He has minimal time during the week to do things with us because of crazy work hours and on call 24/7 that quality weekend family time is important. Except he’s wasting it outside doing pointless things when quality time can be done at home. 

In your case the picking up of the baby is unavoidable but a court order will stipulate who is responsible for pick ups and drop offs etc and childcare costs etc....

like others have said you are wasting your time and life with this man with a baby that requires a lot of time. I’m being honest, you wanting more time with your man isn’t gonna happen when he’s got a baby. Even with 2 toddlers we have to be smart with our time and family holidays and getaways involve them...

believe me i would never be able to resume studies if others at home weren’t forced to pull their weight. In your situation your man has shown no intention to pull his weight, he’s being bled dry by a greedy ex and you’re subsidising it to an extent.

focus on you and your studies first instead of wasting it with this man as it’ll sabotage your studies and career. A nurse niece of mine married a dr from a very rich family she met whilst they were doing their practicals. 

Another dr nephew just married a nurse he met working at hospital. They focussed on their studies and career before wasting it on looking for boyfriends and girlfriends. Quality partners are hard to find at times

That you are going to have more money.  It will just be something else. It will always be something else. You have to tell DH that you need a weekend alone.  Like EOWN, to do thing as a couple.  It’s noy your fault that this kid I’d 2 hours away. Maybe he can get longer visits, like four days, he has arranged for child care.  He had weekends with BM. ALONE  you should should have weekends alone too.

i think you have unrealistic expectations with your boyfriend. A baby/toddler is very demanding on a parent. Thinking you’ll often get me time rarely happens and thats for us married to our partners with young toddlers/kids. They consume a majority of your time as they are still very dependent. 

So you have 2 choices now:

1- if you are not capable or willing to be involved at times with this kids life then walk away- don’t feel guilty

2- if you are willing to or want to be involved in this childs life then understand at times you will be overwhelmed. This isn’t your bio child so you have a choice whether you want to be involved or not

Hi there. I just realized I haven’t signed into this site in a very long time but am still a frequent reader.

ihowever had to log in to post to you after reading your blog. I could have written it myself a few years ago albeit ss was 8 when I met so. We also have ss every weekend and continue to do so. I was 26 when I met my oh. Went from an active social life to sitting in every weekend watching Indiana Jones etc. it made me very resentful. I used to beg my oh to not have ss one weekend a month . He always refused. Would not give up that time with ss. I should have left then and even though I am generally happy and have two children now myself I should have left and lived my life. 

Now ow fast forward 8 years/ ss is 16 still comes over EVERY weekend. Would be great if he could babysit but no he is too sloth like. Doesn’t even shower. Have the same issue every weekend where he does no homework during the week because bm is essentially useless. My oh shouts at him to get it done on our time on a Sunday. So our sundays are full of the same thing. My oh being cross and taking it out on us. I have to leave he house for the day every Sunday because I refuse for me and the babies to be around it. Bm doesn’t have to deal with her own kid doing homework or basic hygiene but I do.

would have thought at 16 I would have one weekend where he would be with friends etc but no.

just think about that for a second. And your ss is only 2. Hope it all works out for you. 

the similarities in our lives scares me to death...i contemplated if i shouldve ran during the second year i was dating my FH