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Oh boy, its my fiances weekend with his son *deep sigh*

lintini's picture

So the wedding is in 4 months, we've been in our brand new home for over a month now....I should be so happy and not depressed.

Right now my fiances damn dog is destroying the "not yet landscaped backyard" aka MUDPIT by digging in the dirt, and shedding all over the house. I have to bathe her everynight when she comes in because she's covered in mud. And now she has developed huge anxiety problems, like you cannot leave the room and she does not want to go outside by herself to potty. Not to mention, this house has almost white carpet. I'm losing my FREAKING MIND!!! This is a dog by the way....ha. There is a huge island counter in the kitchen that if you walk to the fridge, she can't see you, so she has to walk over and watch you, creeping around trying to herd me. I am going to drop kick her to the moon I swear. The owner put it in the lease to have up to 60 days to do the backyard. IT cannot come fast enough. Then the blinds were put in a few weeks ago, and the owner decided not to have them trimmed? so on the window ledge about 6 inches of blinds are just stacked up at the bottom. Very attractive.

Oh goody, so futureSS12 plays on THREE sports teams. Friday nights the basketball shindig is like 6pm to 10pm then they don't get home until after 11pm at night, and then we have his baseball game at 830am, so he has to be there at probably 730 its a 1.5 hour they need to leave at 6am and of course I am expected to come. He used to only play on one team/one sport at a time, now this is just out of control. It's really fun when you have practice and a game, or a tournament and there is a 4 hour break in between so we just sit around and twiddle our thumbs because its not worth the 15$ of gas to go back and forth then just have to turn back around anyways. Which leads into the fact that in my three years with my fiance, his xwife has not ever dropped or pickedup ss12 from his dad's house fiance does ALL of the driving. Although when the Hobbit came out, the first one ...she called us 13 times while in the threatre then showed up at his house looking for them (this was my fiances weekend with his son) She went pull panic that she couldnt reach there....she did drive...once. Crazy lady.

I want my weekends back, and I hate my new life in this house. I was living at home and this is like an entire new world. I am getting mad when the bathroom upstairs is called "his sons bathroom." That sounds so stupid but I don't know why I get mad at that....and then the nosy future motherinlaw is driving me insane and trying to take over all this wedding planning......I am raising the white flag. Then my fiance gets pissed because apparently she took over his last wedding with his xwife and commandeered the entire thing, so much so that he didnt have a say in his own friends being invited. God I am so annoyed that he had a kid with her then they separated during the pregnancy. What a WASTE.

Since we moved in together, I see even less of my fiance now that's to his ss12 joining all these teams. He was just playing basketball but now the baseball started then joined a second basketball team. So now I see my fiance 4 days pretty much of month to spend any quality time together. I work retail and I'm in school and he works 12 hour graves.

How am I supposed to deal with this? My parents are no help, my mom tells me to bring a book. God damnit I only have saturdays off, excuse me for not wanting to spend them at a baseball park with a bunch of kids, and not to mention all the screaming toddlers. I just keep getting told that I am selfish, and maybe I am.

Am I out of line for hating that he's on 3 sports teams?? It ruins the entire day , weekends are trashed and I never see my fiance on stepson weekends???? Oh but I have to cook and clean for them. He can't even manage to bring his plate to the dishwasher, I have to clean it. I've told my fiance so many times I am not his sons maid. Then at night, the TV is taken up with sports sports sports and more sports.

I am so stressed out, I wish we never moved here. Now I have an hour commute and none of my friends have even bothered to come see the new place. My parents have come here to visit once for about 2 hours. I am so lonely and unhappy.

2 weekends ago (the last SS12 weekend) my fiance got into a HUGE fight with me in front of his son. So it went like this: I still had my parrots at my parents house and I needed help to move them. Two of the cages needed to be taken apart to fit out the door. We made this plan already and then of course SS12 gets asked by a coach to play on some other team because the kids were sick or something, so then there was drama because we had to move birds instead of letting ss12 play on a FOURTH team. So ....we get the birds, and I have my two rabbits in the room which is tiled and how to get to the garage. It's a perfect bird room. So I decide to shop vac really quick so the room is ready to put the cages together in. Well in this short span of probably 5min, my fiance had the front door open and his son12 had the dog on a leash sitting in the living room. The front door is wide open because I had two huge boxes of bird toys to come in and other stuff from moving them can see where this is going right....?? So for whatever unknown reason to mankind, ss12 takes the dog off the leash knowing his dad is making trips to the car and back. BTW, this floor plan is very open, you can see everything so it wasn't a surprise. And ....I turn on the shopvac ......... the dog takes off, ZOOM, bye!! SS12 is in a full blown panic, screaming and running midnight of course. My fiance calms him and they go into the car to find the dog. Honestly, I was like yaaaay dont come back!!!! So my fiance is PISSED at me because of my lack of care in the situation, and plus I am a total jerk and continue cleaning. I didn't think she went far, and she has a problem with jackrabbits so I wasn't concerned. Well about an hour later they get the dog back, as expected ....herding rabbits. But my fiance totally lays into me about my behavior and its all right in front of ss12, then my fiance just leaves and takes off to get gas and doesnt tell me. He did come back, and speak to me in private, and we both apologized, but all three of us made mistakes. I completely forgot about the dog having vaccuum issues......I didn't live with her before really to have that thought it my head. UGHGHHH!!!!!! SS12....dingbat ....really you see your dad coming in and out of the door with boxes in hand and you decide to let the dog off the leash??? So I am SURE that ss12 was so happy to tell his mom all about that and how daddy and daddys fiance got in a huge argument about the dog and how daddy really blew a gasket!!!

Seriously,kill me now.

Who wants a free dog? I'll even throw in a free twelve year old boy so they can keep each other company while you go to work!

Thanks for reading...I typed a lot, probably lots of errors ...should have made two posts to complain about the dog and the kid.

Orange County Ca's picture

Ahhh the key words "wedding in 4 months".

This is going to get worse, much worse. The dog is going to wipe-out the landscaping for a start.

Lets be honest. Not you and me but you and him. Tell him you made a mistake. Take full blame so there can be no argument. Tell him the wedding is off and you've got to take time to reevaluate your life. Move back from whence you came or as best as you can. Move everything out.

Find a guy without kids. There are a million of them your age. Start your own family if you wish in a few years or a decade or more after you've had some fun in life.

I assure you there is no fun going to come out of this one.

lintini's picture

I've been really thinking about it, I am really really unhappy. I just sit here and get more and more upset and the people here are my only saviors. I was feeling really well when I had a counselor, it's time to go back.

Being stuck around here caring for the dog who is a neurotic mess is not fair, and now with 3 sports teams, i no longer see my fiance on his sons weekends.

I need to do some soul searching because just like everyone says.....this problem isnt going away and it will just get worse and I harbor more and more hard feelings and resentment.

lintini's picture

HA!! No the parrots are in a tiled room that leads into the garage. And I have this most amazing shop vac. I would really like another african grey, she's quiet compared to my blue crown conure who hasn't shutup all day, I have a splitting headache. The kitchen, "bird room", hallway and bathrooms are tiled.....horribly cream carpet everywhere else....even the DINING ROOM!

I'll let my fiance know that I have a solution to the blinds then!

In high school, I wore a pin on my backpack "What's the football team doing on the marching field?"

Great, we can be new best friends then. No kids, No sports!!! I don't think I want my own kids anymore honestly. I'll make my son play the flute if I do have one, hahahaha. "but mom, why do you play the french horn and made me play the flute???"

The kid can go into the dog crate though that comes with her........ *grins*

ybarra357's picture

You have been give a precious gift. You are seeing your future life. This guy berates and in you in front of his son no less. Are you sure you want to walk down the aisle with this guy?

lintini's picture

I cannot believe he lost it like that in front of his kid....he's never done that before. I think he's really unhappy with how things are going around here and he's unhappy to do all this driving and have no free time for himself either. He has a very high stress job, and these are his weekends too that are trashed. One game would be enough and very fair ...but 3? and not to mention there are practices, then homework doesnt get done ....the list goes on and on. Not to mention the dog has been no fun to have around here, with no backyard, and her sudden or just now noticed SERIOUS neurotic issues ....we cant even go to these games all day, 2 hours away, and have the dog....where?? She can't stay in her crate all day, Ughhhh I have never disliked an animal until now and now I can't stand his kid or his dog.

How do I get out?? What do I do??? I really am losing my mind.

lintini's picture

HAha!! The real dog, the xwife dog, the xsisterinlaw dog, the kid....sooo many dogs!!

Australian Sheppard. And my parrots are a congo african grey, blue crown conure, and peach front conure ----annoying soul suckers. The african grey is the best, doesn't scream, and talks up a storm in my vocal tone.

You know the thing about parrots....we get to be their parents for a REALLY long time. She would look stunning in that room.....I heard the females are a bit bossy though and they need a lot of fruits right?

Yes we know we need area's just been a slow process move of putting this place together. SS12 already spilled all over my new table cloth and settings 2 weeks ago.

I am SO not looking forward to this weekend....there is no way in hell I am getting up on Saturday to leave at 6am to a damn baseball game. Not my kid, not my interest, and I don't wanna see the xwife. But, she probably won't get up to be there so I might be safe.

I don't know what I was thinking when I started this relationship ...he was very upfront that he had a kid, and I never thought he would marry me......and so here we are.

Now its like not my kid, dont wanna deal with it, not my dog, dont wanna deal with it. It's not right.

ncgal1980's picture

I agree. Don't feel obligated to go sit through all those practices and games. I'm in the same boat. Two of my skids play ball, and I don't feel like I need to sit through all that crap. I'm not going to make MY two kids sit through it, either. DH doesn't like it, but that's too bad. I have no problem with him going, but having to sit there for hours, making small talk with BM and whatever idiot she's dating that week? NO THANK YOU.

I'd also rethink this whole marriage thing. What other people have said is true. It WILL get worse, even worse than it is right now, after you two are married.

If you do stay, you're going to have to put your foot down about some things from the very beginning, because if you wait and try to do it later, it's going to be damn near impossible to say "Look, I'm not sitting through all these damn games and practices anymore. Y'all go have fun." Your fiance will have a shit fit if you try to just suddenly stop going. Make it clear from the outset that you won't be going to all that stuff. He'll kick up a fuss, but it won't be as bad as if you wait until later to try to stop it.

If I were you, I'd get out now. If I knew before I got married how bad it was going to be with my DH and the skids, I wouldn't have married him. As much as I love him, the bullshit and drama that goes along with being a step-parent just isn't worth it. I'm stuck now, though, and I'm going to stay, but I AM putting my foot down about certain things. One being sitting through all those freaking ball practices and games with my two kids, bored out of our minds. The skids don't care whether we're there or not anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it too much.

lintini's picture

I have spoken to fiance and asked him if he likes all this running around with the sports. He says he likes to watch them but it is a bit much. My fiances mom was seriously mad that my fiance does not go up EVERY weekend to these games. Even my fiance said that his mom has really gotten grandkid crazy. He did tell his son "no" when he was asked to play on the fourth team, and he did say today that his son will not be going to the 4 hour long basketball clinic tomorrow night. In order for tomorrow to happen, he has to go drive 1.5 hours to pick up his son from school at 3pm, then they have 3 hours to kill time before the clinic/games until 10pm, with the drive back, and then wake up at 5am for the baseball game or practice. Now my fiance is in law enforcement working 5pm to 5am .... He is SO exhausted. If he doesn't get to at least get 5 hours, he's got huge bags under his eyes and will likely result in passing out on the couch.

The dog is not the same dog here, the move has stressed her and now she is alone (she was with a border collie), she is about 3 y/o and a rescue...she is scared of fishing poles (someone must have beat her with it) and if you even lightly grab her by the scruff to get her outside she loses it and cries like you are killing her. She doesn't want to go outside, because that means we are leaving her to go somewhere without her. My mom said we should take her to the vet and have her looked at.

We moved to an area in between the bay area where he works and i go to school, and sacramento where his kid is.

I mean my fiance losing it over the dog running away, then blowing up in front of his kid like that to me .....I feel like we are having some respect issues ....because now what, that ss12 makes up the dumbest things to tell his mom about me. It's just so stressful, and I do want it to get better, I just do not know how because it will take time, and then that can backfirer and get worse.

I didn't even get to tell you how his seperated sister inlaw with 2 kids with his brother has stalked and harassed me for 2 years, keyed my car, slashed my tired....telling me she's sleeping with him.

I appreciate everyones comments, I think I'll make an appointment monday to see my counselor

lintini's picture

You are right about the dog, and she's just icing on the cake with all my stress.

I just really want to be happy, of course we all do.

I've got two quarters left of my Anthropolgy BA and will finish my recital for my Music BA

I think I can do this....I am really good and disengaging from the mother inlaw, thats easy, you just don't answer your phone or emails. There is just SO much shit going on right now, when I sit back and read what I wrote I am like wow, that's a lot, no wonder.

lintini's picture

I friended you, thank you so much for your advice, and everyone else too.

Have fun in Poland, some of my family is from there a few generations back. Don't find anything too expensive, your eclectus will just chew it up Blum 3 hahaha.

SecondGeneration's picture

The dog is stressing, not only is it a new home, new smells, new rules but no canine company and is picking up on your attitude too. Dogs are very good at knowing our emotions. Australian Shepherds arent ideal dogs if crated all day, they are intelligent and as you probably know were originally bred to work on ranches. They are a working breed and need a higher level of mental stimulation than a lap dog. A bored shepherd can become a tricky thing, like younger dogs can become destructive when bored.
If the dogs been mistreated in previous homes then its probably in need of some bonding and training to help move the poor thing forward. They are naturally protective, so the last thing you want is a protective type dog becoming fearfully aggressive.

As for your fiance, well its like what other people have said, if you are genuinely unhappy and have been seriously contemplating whether you want to be marrying then PLEASE postpone the wedding. Yes theres such a thing as cold feet but theres also such a thing of our instincts kicking in and waving big ass warning signs that this is not the life you want, so why are you going to make a massive commitment to it?
Moving is stressful enough, step kids, pets all added in together are stressful, add a partner that isnt supporting you as you wish is a recipe for disaster. It may well be that things settle down, BUT it may well be that this is how its going to be.
If you havent talked to him about your concerns he cant do anything to change it, and if you have and his behaviour hasnt changed then why are you even considering going forward with the wedding for a man that doesnt see your happiness as a fundamental part of his priorities?