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Nothing Nice to Say...not that anyone in this house acknowledges me anyway

mimi719's picture

I'm tired of bitching to my friends. I love this site. I'm sad for anyone that feels like I do right now. I've felt like this way too often. I don't know why I'm in this family.

I've disengaged. It's been better for me and how I feel about the step shits, but this man pisses me off. I'm so disappointed in this MAN. He doesn't punish them ever. They do something wrong and he talks to them and has the same TALK over and over and over and over and over. Gee, I wonder why they keep doing the same thing.

The only thing him and I ever disagree on is those boys. Sure enough and no surprise - OUR arguments are the same fucking thing over and over and over. I am so not interested in talking when nothing ever changes.

I'm quickly losing respect for this man. I want him to the be head of this household and I'm thinking that will never happen. I'm not getting laid either, so why am I here?

Oh yeah, we get along just great when the boys are not here. Is that enough? Is that going to be enough? I want to think I'm having a bad day and this will pass, but I've had way too many days feeling like this.

Thank you for reading. /vent over

mimi719's picture

Ha! I stuck my hand in jelly on the faucet the other day. Amazing how one little sandwich can make such a mess.

Spineless is right. I thought he was a strong man when I met him =(.

fedup13's picture

Oh dear mimi719, this was the thought pouring out of my head about a year ago. I felt just as you did. I disengaged, and now I am left feeling empty and alone and nothing has changed except I resent DH more than before. Skid is more insane, he is more spoiled, he is more coddled, he is more entitled, DH still has no spine, he and BM are still fighting over the brat that, in truth, neither really wants to deal with. My eyes are wide open to it all now. I do not sympathize with DH I do not care about what happens to skid, skid and BM have ruined my marriage and my ability to feel hopeful. DH has stolen from me the ability to feel whole and feel like I can count on love to see me thru. I hang on for many reasons, but the frustration is so taxing. I feel your pain. Hugs.

mimi719's picture

DH bitches about BM doing exactly what he's doing now - nothing, letting them do whatever. Before I disengaged, we would make decisions together and there was discipline - but eventually it'd go back to him thinking I was picking on his brats. I think he wants someone else to be the head of the house, to be the bad guy. I can't do it. It's a thankless job as an outsider.

I'm always counting days, til they're gone, til they're back - bleh. I'm running out of optimism and that concerns me.

Hugs to you, too.

fedup13's picture

Oh yes, DH is very quick to bash BM. Granted, in our situation, we both hate her with a passion and have very good reasons to do so, but, those issues are unrelated to her poor parenting for the most part. He complains about skid's behavior and thinks it is because of her when in reality he parents JUST like her. They are both permissive, spineless, ignoring, coddling, spoiling, denying, idiotic sorry excuses for parents. BM has attempted to discipline skid more so than DH even. That was the catalyst for all of our problems...can't post about it in too much detail for fear of her lurking. Anyway, it is such bullshit to say it is all her when he is just as bad. He does not do a fucking thing to rectify the situation. He babies skid, he gives in, he bribes, he negotiates with the little monstrous terrorist, he lets this little rotten fruit of BM's womb dictate his every move, he lets him run all over him, he lets him act a fool and treat others terribly, so the whole, " I just want him to be happy when he is with me because I know he is so unhappy when he is with her" line of shit is lost on me. I know better. Dh is just a pussy. A bitch whipped by his out of control brat. I dread Thursdays like no other and when Sunday comes there is sort of a breather but even then I am dreading the coming Thursday. Optimism? Hmmmm....once upon a time I THINK I knew what that was. Not anymore.

furkidsforme's picture

Have you confronted him with the fact that he is equally as guilty as not parenting as BM is? Or does he see himself as the glowing father?

mimi719's picture

I just realized it recently. I only started disengaging (and not helping/encouraging) discipline at the first of the year.

rx2_loco's picture

I feel your pain also, although things for me are a little different...

My SS is a pain in the ass. Lazy, selfish, disrespectful little douche bag! The only difference with our situations is that my DH actually disciplines SS. Its now at the point where SS hasnt had tv, video games, computer, iphone (except to make phone calls with permission only) since last September/October. We've had the same conversation with him a 100 times about how to earn things back, but I think he is just so damned lazy that he doesnt care anymore. We've tried over and over to help him and to give him opportunities to help himself, but NOTHING. He's just lazy and I think no matter what the situation is, some times, some kids, are just destructive and lazy, and think of no one but themselves!!

GaleWillow's picture

Look at your relationship, your trying to change him and sadly that never works. You want him to be the head of the household however if he is not one now then I highly doubt it will get any better.
I would say stay friends but simply move on to someone who can actually give you what you want.