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At my wits end with boyfriends daughter

Marie_67's picture

So I've never really posted in something like this but I've been super stressed out lately. I'm not yet married, but have been with my boyfriend for about a year. We live together and he has a 4 year old daughter. She is an angel to him, and absolutely horrible to me whenever he's not looking. Hitting, not listening, and just saying all around rude things. She's very smart and I know she understands what she's doing. We have her 50/50 and her mom is very involved as well. I'm just frustrated doing everything for this child and having her still not respect or care for me. I do all housework, cooking, cleaning with zero appreciation. If I bring this up to my boyfriend I know it'll be a huge argument because in his eyes she's a perfect little angel. I'm only 22 and don't know if I can sign myself up for a lifetime of this constant resentment. I'm so sick of dreading days she comes over and feeling like I'm a prisoner in my own home Sad I had hoped that things would get better as she gets older but from what I'm hearing it's actually the opposite. I'm so discouraged and just don't know if I should invest more time in this relationship or run when I can.

tog redux's picture

The fact that he wouldn't believe you if you said she hit you does not bode well for your future together. A good parent would want to know that and would discipline her after hearing it. She's not too young to realize that she's got more power than you do in this situation, and trust me, she will use it.

Find a guy with no kids, should be easy enough at your age.

Rags's picture

Do not sacrifice yourself on the alter of Sparental martyrdom to this asshole failed father and his toxic prior relationship pelvic projectile. He knows she is doing what she is doing as far as treating you poorly is concerned. And he is ignoring it.

Don't live just half of your life.  Live all of it.

Live YOUR life. Be happy.

Find a dynamic young man without baggage to build an amazing life with.  Never again serve yourself up as a sacrifice to a prior relationship breeder who will not make you their clear priority.

Kes's picture

At 22 you should be going out and having fun with your mates, not stuck with a poorly behaved child and her parent who isn't getting it at all.   I can see the attraction for him - he gets a free housekeeper, babysitter, cook, cleaner and bed partner - but just what are YOU getting out of this arrangement?   If he was a great father and appreciated the work you do - I'd consider staying, but he is/does neither of those things.  You are getting the short straw in every department.  

Bex_S's picture

Does your BF know she does this to you? If not you need to highlight it to him and he needs to teach his daughter that she needs to treat people with respect, whether she likes them or not. She doesn't have to love, or even like you. But she needs to follow the rules of your home and treat you with a basic level of respect. 

If he can't/won't get a handle on this, then it's a losing battle and you should spare yourself the misery and leave. It's not worth wasting the best years of your life on this.

hereiam's picture

I'm only 22 and don't know if I can sign myself up for a lifetime of this constant resentment.

Please don't. Live your life, follow your dreams, have fun, enjoy being young. Plenty of time later in life for resentment, frustration, and dread.

Chi123's picture

He's your boyfriend not your husband therefore you shouldn't be responsible for watching this brat. Simply tell him you won't watch her because you have your own things to do. And if he uses that stupid card of "oh shes me daughter, you need tl accept her too" tell him to eff off. You have accepted him and his daughter but its another level when he using you as babysitter. Honestly you are only 22, you may love this guy but you already feeling underappreciated. Have fun , go out,  be free!

Donewithstepturd's picture

I wish I had someone to tell me this at 22. Find someone who is going to be there only for you. Someone that doesn't have to bring their past into their present. May his present and future only be you. You're young, enjoy life, don't commit to early, these feelings your having about BF daughter will only get worse, you'll never truly be comfortable. You'll always be dreading SD return.

captjacksprrw's picture

Seriously, are you ready to give up your ambitions and your own happiness?  Is he worth that?  Remember, Lucifer was also an angel

Penny19's picture

You don't need advice. All you have to do is go thru this site and read some of the discussion threads. We've done all the work for you. Take advantage of our experiences, please.

You're too young for baggage. Find a guy of your own with no baggage and make your own way and own kids if you want them. Don't tolerate your bf's spawn. It ain't gonna get no better. I can tell you that! 

The other thing is if you two end up havng a child together, and it sure doesn't sound like this is going to be a lasting relationship, this will make the situation much, much worse. Then you'll be forever tied to that guy and his spawn sharing visitation, etc. It'll get nasty, believe me, and complicate your life in more ways than you can ever imagine. 

Your rainbows and unicorns are not with this guy. Date around and have fun, live your life.