Moved Out of State, SD Making Life Difficult
Where do I draw the line?
About 2 1/2 months ago, my fiancé and I moved out of the state where his daughter (FSD14) lives with BM. Prior to moving, my fiancé had many conversations with FSD regarding the move, what it meant in terms of seeing each other less, visitation and just generally asking how she felt. FSD and I have gotten along for the most part - I'm pretty laid back. When we lived near her and she would come over, I tried to let things slide (i.e. she did no cleaning, dishes, etc). I figured, her mother is awful and she doesn't see her dad much (EOWE), so why nag about that type of stuff?
Fast forward to a couple of nights ago: fiancé and I are on the phone with FSD who is expressing her anger that her father "left" her and insinuating that it was all my fault. She said she doesn't know if she wants to come see him because he moved away with me and she thought it was going to be "just the two of them, forever". She is putting a major guilt trip on him, saying he "left her when she needed him the most". I tried explaining to her that this is very common. I was only one year younger than she is when my dad moved out of state to pursue new work opportunities (only MY father really did abandon me - just up and left without any notice!). Her snarky response: "Oh, so it's history repeating itself again!" This was just one among several nasty comments.
Regardless, we want to fly her down for Spring Break, and according to the parenting plan, this is the year my fiancé gets her (there are no stipulations in writing regarding out-of-state visitation). FSD is being a typical teenage girl, expressing that she wants it to be HER choice to come down, not forced on her. I've expressed to my fiancé that this is a crucial time, and that he needs to be the adult/parent at this point and not let her lay out the rules.
BM refuses to talk to my fiancé at all. He's tried reaching out to her to make travel arrangements for FSD, and she has basically told him that FSD will not be leaving the state (this is a violation of the PP).
I've done more than my share of research, including drafting petitions to change/update PP, residential schedules, etc. I'm fed up, overwhelmed and just want to give up on the whole situation. If FSD doesn't like me because I "stole her daddy away", FINE. If she doesn't want to come down, FINE. If she wants to be disrespectful on the phone, FINE - I just wont talk to her. If she's going to continue to attack me and make me out to be the a**hole, FINE - I just won't be a part of her life. I love the man I'm with, but don't know how to express any of this without sounding like a crazy lady. He doesn't understand that he's had 14 years with this kid to build up love and put on blinders to her manipulative BS.
About to lose it! Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated.