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Libido Issues

helenahandbasket's picture

Hi. I am kinda new here still and this is only my second post. I'm still learning all of the abbreviations and such, so please bear with me!

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and have lived together for 3 years. His daughters are currently 14 and 12. Since they were each 11 years old, BM has allowed them to wear full face makeup, heels, and revealing clothing. My fiance was a typical Disney Dad and his younger daughter was a mini wife at first, but he has set boundaries over the last 2 years. Things have gotten better with regard to what I view as inappropriate affection between a grown man and a preteen girl (always holding hands, her sitting in his lap and bouncing up and down, his massaging her feet while they watch TV, etc.).

I have lost sexual desire for him. We have had sex maybe 5 times since we moved in together. I am totally turned off by his past pandering and catering to the girls as if they were infants yet were old enough to have breasts and wear too much make up.

I am in therapy and am working on this. I don't want to be in a sexless partnership. Just wondering if any other women have experienced this and can give advice on what I can do to make things better for me. Since my fiance has changed what I asked him to, I feel like this is mostly my problem.

TX2step's picture

Once you see that display of pandering to his daughters, itsi hard to let it go. I don't blame you for having no desire for sex with him. You may never get over it. Wouldn't it be wonderful to want, desire and have sex with a man that puts you above his kids. Think about it, it's not your fault. I'm grossed out for you.

Rags's picture

The reason for  your lack of amorous interest in your SO is certainly significant and though he has corrected the behaviors (for now) I can  understand why the past is influencing your libido. 

If this is not something that improves in fairly short order it can permanently damage  your relationship. My first marriage was nearly sexless... at least for me.  My whore of an XW was shopping the pooty around town to every swinging Johnson she could find though I was unaware of it until the last few months of the marriage.  Sex may not make a marriage but it can sure end one in a hurry.  Either not enough of it or having it with the wrong person.

I engaged a therapist that my XW and I saw for many months.  My goal was to deal with the lack of intimacy in the marriage.  The process worked through a plethora of other issues before we finally got to the lack of intimacy.  On the day in therapy when the Doc put the intimacy issue on the table my XW stood up, announced that she had no issues with sex, walked out of therapy and never returned.  A couple of weeks later she moved out and filed for divorce. Unbeknownst to me she was pregnant with the adulterous spawn of her mystery boyfriend.  She lost that baby to miscarriage but replaced in about 6mos later with another.  During her first pregnancy we had not been intimate in more than 8mos so short of the second immaculate conception it could not have been mine.

The weirdest thing is that she found it necessary to call me to get emotional support from me for both the miscarried and the replacement spawn.  She was a whore but apparently I was her "best friend" who knew her better than anyone.  By then I had written her off and would have had nothing to do with her if the house we owned together was not an issue.

Anyway... good luck.  I hope  you can work through this and be in a good place.