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Intense story involving resentment of skids, cheating, termination... mostly my fault?

Ameliad's picture

I'm glad to finally find this site because when times get rough I just read Google articles endlessly trying to find some support or validation for my feelings. Sorry about the massive novel, and if you're pro life I probably wouldn't read this. Also sorry about my language I picked it up working in the kitchen. And bear in mind throughout my whole story he is nagging me that I don't love his children enough, that I don't like them, that I hate them etc. I always go on trips with them, never say a mean word to them or about them. He has just hyped this behaviour over his divorce drama.

Him: currently 32
Me: currently 25
The ex: currently 43, unemployed and we are paying her rent and bills and she goes on holiday with child support money.

I think like most of us I started this with good intentions and him in his honeymoon period. As we all know the honeymoon period of the relationship is responsible for a 100% wrong first impression of the person if they let themselves get swept away enough.
2 years ago I'd finished university and was still working my bar job, but was in mainly a happy young single interim, partying, enjoying myself. I had just gotten out of a relationship which sadly ended because he joined the navy and he was a massive commitmentphobe anyway and had some other issues.

Working at a bar and doing university I had dated a lot of people at this point so I was pretty disillusioned- guys weren't cutting it for me anymore. I didn't want to date, men were never up to my standards and I was starting to worry it was me.

Anyway I did a useless creative degree (painting) so I wanted to apply creativity to some occupation and get out of the bar. I started a chef apprenticeship. I quit a stressful but prestigious place after two months (an achievement to last that long as I wasn't getting paid enough to travel there every day) and after applied at another prestigious place where I met my now fiancé, who was the French head chef and famous in this city for being the best. His eyes lit up when I walked in for my interview and it gave me a big confidence boost. We talked in that interview like best friends immediately... Because I was a new chef I was very flattered by this. He immediately got me in for a trial but I definitely wasn't experienced enough to work there. We had an embarrassing chat about how sorry he was after it and how he would try and get me a job elsewhere.

I ran into him 3 months later partying with my friend and him partying with the chefs and waiters from that restaurant. They all liked me and were excited to call me over and the manager began to flirt with me until I saw him dancing on the floor. I walked straight up to him and he had this romantic trick with how to drink a shot the 'French way' and kissed the lemon wedge off my neck. We went home together and that's how it started. I had honestly never felt this way, despite all my indifferent dating my heart was melting out of my chest for this guy (and his amazing bedroom skills).

After we slept together the first time I was in bliss but not really thinking it would turn into a relationship... Not that I didn't want it to but due to my experience of both my cold behaviour in the modern dating world and another people's flakiness I didn't hold my breath.
But he fracked me down on Facebook as soon as I was home the next day saying how amazing his night was, how sexy I am, how he couldn't believe how lucky he felt that he saw me again... Basically all the French romance only a French guy can provide in such extremes. I agreed to a date and we had an amazing dinner, amazing sex... I knew he had kids from him talking about them at the job trial before and he had only been divorced 9 months. So our third date he asks me to come to the pool with his kids to meet them and I had a great time, played with them, had fun. I grew up on the beach so I hate pools, this is an achievement.

So as I'm sure we've all experienced the end of both the partner's honeymoon period and the children's. Mine ended a year in. After 4 months of dating he had asked me to move in with them. I thought I could cope, he only has them on the weekend. They started to get used to me, I wasn't a guest of go or anymore. All his daughter would do is scream at me for not being her real mum. Great. And the 5 yo son would always try and see my breasts, grab them. Be very horny toward me- it made me feel disgusting. He was letting them come into our bed in the morning even if I wasn't dressed as long as I 'covered up' it was very uncomfortable. I thought, like most of us may have, that I was being unreasonable and would adapt. The seeds of resentment were planted around 9 months because of this behaviour.
After a year I fell pregnant by accident. I thought he would be excited because he'd always been romancing about how I'd be pregnant one day, maybe, and he could raise a baby with me and undo his mistakes of the past. Well, this was all talk. He was mortified and I said 'well, there's time to get rid of it... It's early days...' I didn't really want that. I was trying to make him feel better. He jumped on it.

'Yes. Yes we have to go to the clinic. If that's what you want! But it's really early we don't know each other. (He begged his hideous and mean 40 year old wife to have a baby with him after they'd known each other a year) You're right we should get rid of it. If that's what you want!"
I couldn't have a baby with someone who didn't want one with me. So I took the termination pill and lay on the couch crying with my mother as I bled it out. He had to work on the new restaurant he was opening.
Well, I couldn't try with his children anymore. I didn't hate them, but I resented their existence now. I resented him for begging a woman 15 years older than me (10 older than him) to have a baby with him, a woman who he would constantly complain about her nasty attitude, her stupidity blah blah blah... Then beg to terminate my pregnancy. His 'perfect angel, love of my life'.
I tried not to show it but for a mere 2 weeks I couldn't help to be cold. I really couldn't have dinner with him and his kids I lay in my bed crying.

9 months after we had worked hard to recover. We were in a good spot. He had opened the new restaurant, I'd work there for a few days a week, my chef skills were improving very fast being with him. One day, out of nowhere I sensed something off about him. Just slightly- I wondered if I was imagining it... I ignored it. A few weeks of him being off... I started another job at a cafe and had to get out of bed at 5am... We only had one phone charger by the bed so I'd plug his phone in before I go to work. As I plugged his phone in it lit the screen up where there was a tinder match on the screen. Shaking, I investigated. At least 30 different dirty invites to tinder women. I woke him up. "What the fuck is this" and he just stared at me terrified. "Fuck you, thanks! Have to go to work, bye!" I go to work and tell my friend what happened and he's shocked for me. I send him a text, all my pent up resentment over having his ex texting all the time and taking care of his children and my termination and now his betrayal: "YOU BETTER START FUCKING RESPECTING ME OR IM OUT."
I come home and he says. It's all a mistake and he just did it as a competition between the boys- of course I don't believe him. We fight and I threaten to leave- he doesn't seem to care and he says ok maybe we should end it its run its course... Bye.
This devastates me... We never fight, this was our first fight other than all my lonely crying over my abortion. He wanted to throw me away like nothing. I couldn't let him win, and just throw me away like trash (in my devastated mind at the time) so we agreed to work it out.
That whole week I was a maniac. I smashed his good plates, cried a lot. But he kept comforting me, reassuring me. I suggested an open relationship- he said I was the only woman he wanted and he didn't want that.

He went for a drink with the boys a week after I found the tinder chats. He even sent a photo of the sous chef he was drinking with (the sous chef was a good friend by now) so I could trust him. Well he didn't come home. I didn't sleep. I went looking for him at 4:00am. I found him at the restaurant I helped him set up. Naked, eating a 42 year old out. I was shocked. I asked her to leave politely and she refused a number of times until he told her to. I went into the bar of the restaurant, chugged half a bottle of gin and left a message for work saying I wouldn't be in. He was high. He doesn't have a drug problem, he's recreational but it was all the more knife in my gut. He had given me my first real drugs (I never experimented in university) so I sat there across from him and his mistress' drink and took a line of coke from the table.

All I said was "good work, she's hot"
He launched into a drug addled speech about how he loved her smooth waxed everything, how she smelled so good etc., on and on. I sat there, high and drunk immediately myself. I threw the glass he had poured her a drink in at the kitchen window, shattering it everywhere.
"Funny the kinds of people who are allowed to have kids then act like daddy of the year" I said. We were the 'it' couple of hospitality and well known in the city area. A group of friends walked by the window of the restaurant. I ran out and immediately said 'I caught him fucking someone guys, kiss me!' So I kissed our friend Bernie. Our American friend was with the group and looked at me very sadly. "You and Bernie can stay on my couch if you want" he half-joked.

I went back inside. He laughed at me. "You kissed Bernie... Gross!" The sun was coming up and I was starting to get a huge adrenaline rush from my stress as the drugs and alcohol wore away. I was very focused. I decided I couldn't break up with him right away. I remembered his indifference when I threatened him with it the week before. I felt like I would lose all my friends (because I knew the through him) and he would start dating this woman who I had never seen before, because he's a serial dater and I knew he would laugh and pretend I didn't exist. My career would be impossible unless I moved cities, and I had no money saved. My mother lives here and has breast cancer.
So I drove home with him and didn't say anything more. She began texting him at 8:00 am, calling me a crazy stalker ex girlfriend (I was very polite to her and didn't go batshit crazy until she left) saying he should get a restraining order. I sent her a picture of him naked and looking at me sadly as I commandeered his phone and told her that it's fine she didn't know about me, that I was his girlfriend of two years and we live together and work together and he is a pathological liar. She didn't reply.

We drove to the restaurant to pick up my car at 11:00am. The sous chef asked why there was broken glass all over the kitchen. Still in shock I chuckled as I made their coffee- "oh I caught him fucking a total stranger after he left your drinks last night so I smashed the bitch's glass!"
"WHAT!" Everyone was shocked. The pastry chef quit the next day and called him disgusting. It got around the whole city. I was both happy about the slight justice and embarrassed I was still with him, we didn't talk about it for a few days. I was silent.

After a week he approached me to say he really did want to try again, that he hadn't managed to have sexy with her before I caught him, that he was disgusting. I agreed not out of hope but to prevent him coldly forgetting me. We also had a non refundable holiday to Japan booked and I thought maybe we both just needed a holiday as we had been working hard for 2 years.
2 weeks afterwards she tagged herself at the restaurant on Instagram. I decided I was allowed to snoop in his phone at this point (he had always done it to me for the whole relationship and I thought it was weird but like his kids and everything I just put up with it because I had noting to hide). Then the next day I'm sitting at a table with his business partner and a text comes from her- "hello stranger" he says she came to the restaurant and he set her straight to let her know he was a liar and we were still together. I made him send this back in a text. I told my friend at work to which he replied "that's a heap of bullshit something is still going on"

I have a way of searching for deleted texts. Well...
"Mmmm I love your accent baby"
"My girlfriends watching me 24/7 now but I'll find a way :)... I Love your pussy :)" and more.

I didn't tell him I knew about those texts in Japan. I hadn't hated this woman... I'd assumed she didn't know about me. But in her texts she made fun of me. Told him about her day, job etc. I was seething the whole trip. I was in shock.

Then I started to develop a genital rash. I was furious. This is when I snapped. I posted about the woman on a homewrecker site, super defamatory stuff, copies of her texts mocking me, her contagious rash etc. (she's rich and old and works in business)
I baited him for weeks asking if he's sure it's over (it had been by the time we were in Japan judging by the deleted texts I read) asking if he's sure he never had sex with her. One day I exploded "guess what you stupid ass I know you two were joking about me and sleeping together and now I have the same rash you do! Pig!" Blah blah blah he finally stopped lying. I went to visit a friend for a few days, went on a date with a boring guy (my bc doesn't know about) and couldn't have sex with him because I'm still too attracted to my bf to my dismay.
I come back with a tan, over the weeks I've been running to come down. I look in great shape. He's fallen back in mad love. We have a nice new house, he never parties anymore, he's working out, comes straight home to me early from work.
I still hate his guts. I have to leave at some point. But i still only love him. I've been secretly dating in vengeance and there's no one else I like. I like being single but I don't have the money. I need to change careers I can't stand to be in a kitchen now. I don't know how to pull myself out. I'm doing online Uni courses.
The confusing thing for nearly 8 months now since that thing he's been the guy I met in the first year. Great. His annoying witch whore sued me for defamation (but didn't really have a case as all my claims were evidently true) but he's still paying her $7,000 she demanded from me (it could have been $3,500 because I offered to pay before lawyers but she thought she had enough of a case for court) to make her go away.

Now I'm pregnant again (I have to find an alternative to the pill, due to my pcos my doctor thinks I'm actually becoming very fertile after my period, it's not my fault) and I can't stand the thought of having to take care of three kids, paying for them all, being at this cheaters mercy. But at the same time he said he would be very happy to have a baby with me and started picking names because he thought I was excited. Because of how I was hurt the first time I felt so good. But I still cried and cried- I don't think this guy deserves my body and I am not going to be a single mother. My mother did it and sorry I'm never doing it- so if I dont want to be single I'll be stuck with his kids, a perfect boy and girl so I can't provide anything new, while I feel like a breeding pig, one of his many sows. I also feel like every woman in the city is now looking at me like 'yeah I did him before'.

I get hit on a lot, told I'm beautiful by guys and women, and all the women I've seen that he's touched (before me, after his divorce and his wife) are objectianally unattractive (bad personalities, obese, gum disease, red blemished skin, hunched over, thick glasses) and I wonder if I just have a termination so I can finish my university course and leave because I can clearly do better. But I also love him more than I've ever loved anything before?

Wait a minute's picture

You are way too young to be putting yourself through this. I'm 27 so I get it but you're literally ruining your life. I'd leave the ring on the table and go back home to live with my mom. You walked in on him going down on another woman- if that wasn't enough for you, I don't know what is. I'm not going to go on about your choice to get an abortion but if you do, you need to make sure that it's your last because quite honestly, you both sound irresponsible. You're dating a 32 year old man whore who is never going to grow up, and you're 25 and allowing this to happen to you - you're almost no better yourself. Woman up, leave, and take some time to grow up yourself. Stop living in and encouraging the drama. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life??

Ameliad's picture

I've been responsible with the pill, but we didn't know that was what was actually helping my polycystic ovaries ovulate at the very end of a period. I know better now, my doctor has finally come to this conclusion. We haven't partied since the incident and he's completely turned around. We don't drink, do drugs... It was a byproduct of my graduation release. So I'm more responsible now than these events. My only irresponsibility has been to trust this guy.

I agree with your advice, and I've got a storage facility booked to move my furniture and such into. I can't move with my mum, she has no space as she is letting my brothers girlfriends family live in her house. My bad decision making comes from my mum.
I need to move cities because this guy is everywhere, books, billboards, magazines, I'm obviously very depressed by everything and I know I need to remove myself from the area but first I need to save more money (I've been hit with dentist bills and car broke down) for bond, rent advance, moving truck.

I mainly just wanted to write this down to have it out there, makes me feel a bit better.

z3girl's picture

I can't believe this is true. Even with the far-fetched deal breakers (just a few too many for an intelligent person.) the PCOS nonsense sealed it for me. I have PCOS...taking the Pill as prescribed would not make you ovulate with PCOS.

This is the creative writing put to use.

FrenchPeas's picture

I think I saw this movie. Pretty sure it was like a straight to video thing. Lmao. Very dramatic.

Tuff Noogies's picture

i agree, fruity.

me personally- i wouldnt say or do a single thing except walk out and disappear. over. done. i'm out. i dont do drama, but i can do "you are dead to me" extremely well.

TASHA1983's picture

My DH and I had the "cheating" convo very early in, he has been cheated on several times and abhors it, as do I. We both agreed that we wouldn't put up with that shit and if it DID happen on either of our ends that we might as well just pack up our shit and leave bc there will be no reconciliation if that were to happen.

I'd like to think that I know what I would say/do if I ever found out or caught my DH cheating on me, and I have played many variables thru my mind but I suppose it is one of those things that I need to be in that moment to decide my course of action. All I do know is, is that I/it would never be the same so I know I would save myself alot of bs by just saying "F it"! It will hurt like a bitch for a long time as I do care about my DH and obviously wanted us to be together for the long haul but to stay with a cheater, imho, is NEVER worth it.

OP...I sincerely hope you leave this wretched "man", he will not change, he will just find more creative and sneaky ways to cheat on you. If you do get hit on all the time and have plenty of options in the dating/love dept TAKE THEM...you never know who might be among those ranks that will treat you like a Queen!

KNOW YOUR WORTH!!! Wink Smile

lintini's picture

Well, at least I'm not bored in the hospital fighting preterm labor. I'll now start the sketches for this novel to illustrate it. Nurse!!! Where are my crayons!!!??

Indigo's picture

He refuses to bathe ... like shower monthly ... askews deodorant ... aromatic wagon on wheels ... major "Eeyouwwwww"

Hennypenny's picture

Dang it, I know all this and I would still hit it. That's pretty sad.

I would make him wear his pirate outfit though. I do have a little self respect.

Shaman29's picture

This is an amazing fairy tale.

I can't wait for the next installment.

Will she get the termination pill?
Will she finish university?
Did she catch herpes?
Did the kitchen get sterilized?

All this and more in the next episode of As the World Churns.

bearcub25's picture

So OP, where you getting off while writing this STORY?

You are young, but maybe when you are the age of those 'older women' you will learn that there is a lot of good sex in this world, especially when you are older and don't have to worry about that pesky pregnancy/period thing.

FrenchPeas's picture

I hope the health Dept finds about the eating in that kitchen. Lmao it's against the rules!!! Hahahaha

oneoffour's picture

If this is for real (and I have known some REALLY dumb chicks who would do this) my also living in Sydney daughter would say "Don't screw with the crew."

Your first mistake was being thrilled with all the superficial attention. Your second was not high tailing it to take care of your mother with cancer. What is more important? Being 'known' around town or spending time taking care of your sick mother?

If you are pregnant, see it through and put the child up to be adopted by some loving couple.

And if this is all some big fat Aussie fantasy (which it may not because I have seen how Aussies and Kiwis fight over their men) you may want to take a creative writing class because for a 17 yr old you need more style and less crassness.

Rags's picture

Read your post. Then smack yourself on the side of the head and dump this loser waste of skin POS.

If you don't. You are an idiot.

Lets bulletize this crap.

-Boozer - Check
-Druggy - Check
-No honor - Check
-No class - Check
-Serial breeder - Check
-Shallow - Check
-Brainless - Check
-Volatile - Check
-Characterless loser POS cheater - Check, check, check

AND I AM TALKING ABOUT BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!!

Idiots!!!!!

Grow up, pull your head out of your own ass and out of his, move on, live a life of character and integrity instead of a hedonistic drive for instant gratificiation.

Moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I grieve for your children being saddled with a gene pool where both sides are shallow and polluted.

Poor kids.

Rags's picture

I have been hovering and commenting upon occassion. This week has been long days at work including the weekend and with most situations where idiocy prevails there really is not all that much to do so I am catching up on forum segments that I have not dug into for quite a while.

MissJulsie's picture

If you get yourself into a healthy relationship , you'll look back and shake your head in disbelief !!!!! Have faith, and JUMP!!!