I need/want answers
My soon to by husband who is 10 years older than I, got this horrible excuse of a woman/person pregnant right after his HS graduation. All she ever wanted was money, she kicked him out eveyother week, cheated on him and everything else you could imagin. 6 years later "they thought they could work it out" by having yet another kid...still never married. They broke up 3 years after the second hell child was born...for good this time. She ended up marrying their neighbor.
Shortly after my college graduation I got pregnant with twins, we decided not to keep them (please to do not judge). I want to know why she was good enough to have kids with and not me. Yes it was MY decision but why at 18 did they not make that choice? Why did he go back and have another kid? Seriously the same mistake twice? Why does he constantly talk about when his kids were little...when he doss that all I think is when they were together. Why can't hr stand up to this woman and when she just takes him for his money? Where the hell do I stand?
I want to ask him all these questions but, do I really want the answers?
You've come here before with
You've come here before with this scenario and nothing has changed.
I think you should make this guy your ex-fiancé and find someone who knows what he's doing.
It was my choice but he
It was my choice but he didn't oppose it. And I just wonder why he just went along with it. I am sure the subject was never even brought up with their 2 kids.
I dont think this is about
I dont think this is about him or her. I think youre missing the babies that you had, and the life you wish you chose. I think its possible that your husband is talking about his childrens childhood because hes wondering what your childrens childhood is like or what it could have been like. Youre asking and thinking about the wrong things. When he talks about his childrens childhood, you say that all you think is the fact that he was with her. I think this is a mask over your thoughts, because youre really wondering what kind of parents you would have been together, and what kind of mother you would have been to your babies.
The decision you made with your babies is one of the hardest decisions any mother could ever make. I dunno but itnsounds like you put them up for adoption. One of.my close girlfrienss had an abortion and then got pregnant again year later. At time she cant look at the little boy without seeing what could have been with the one she didnt keep.
I think you are grieving. Let yourself grieve, and make peace with your choices.
I love this reply, because I
I love this reply, because I think this is what's going on. I think this anger and sadness is compounded by the fact that you perhaps made a decision you haven't been able to grieve fully about yet. It's okay to not regret the decision but still be truly sad about it.
I think understand where you're coming from, and would feel the same even though I would have made the same decision. I'd be broken about it and the relationship would have never lasted. My DH knew that so when we did accidentally get pregnant, a large part of the reason he begged me not to terminate because he knew our relationship and I would not survive that, because every time I would see/hear anything about SS, I'd be filled with anger, rage, and sadness.
The only reason I know is because for the first month and a half, termination had been the goal in mind. I had made an appointment with my obgyn to discuss it so in my mind in the beginning because our relationship was not where I knew it should be to bring a child into the world, it had already been done. It was a hell I hope no one has to experience. He thankfully stepped up and the ending to that was a happy one, but for a while I lived in a world where it wasn't.
I wish you the best of luck, and if your BF is open to talking and being honest without judging you for asking, I'd ask him these questions, just to get closure.
My college fiancé chose to
My college fiancé chose to terminate a pregnancy. I proposed, got a beautiful ring, she accepted and chose to terminate anyway. It was her decision. I supported that decision either way she chose to go with it. Generally I am not the type of person to lament a decision. I make them and I move on. I do not lament that decision even now.
However, in retrospect I am sad that she chose to not have that child. If my DW had chosen to terminate the Skid when she was 16 we would have missed out on an amazing young man. It is hard to believe that I would have a 30yo kid had my XF made a different decision. I do not question the decision that was made at the time. It was her decision to make. I do not judge her for it or question why she made that decision at that time. No doubt given the same situation and information the decision would be the same now as it was then.
I guess getting older with the intervening years of experience has impacted how I feel about that time of my life but I am intelligent and realistic enough to know that the decision was viable when it was made.
I do think you should revisit the decision that you and your fiancé made all of those years ago. No doubt his two children with his XGF/BM impacted his thoughts at the time that you made your decision on your pregnancy but chewing on this now is not a healthy thing or a good thing for you to do for your own happiness and peace of mind.
IMHO of course.
Take care of yourself.
You need the answers to all
You need the answers to all those questions and then decide if you should even go ahead marrying him. You seem consumed with bitterness....have a good, long, frank discussion with him ASAP and then decide the course of your future with this man.
Different decisions are made
Different decisions are made with different people. And he was a lot younger when those decisions were made and probably thought they could work it out. As you get older you are more realistic to the real world.
I agree with fedupstep. NO
I agree with fedupstep. NO OFFENSE to any men on here.. Men mature slower then women and most men i know will admit to that. As hes aged, hes matured... and is learning to make better decsions for where he is currently at in life. he lives day to day with having to deal with his ex and 2 children that makes for a crazy life already. Also, it sounds like you made the descion before he could weight in, and it sounds like he was respecting your wishes. If you truly feel this way about how he handled it, why don;t you ask him straight forward. "I know i made the decsion to not have the babies, but is there a reason you didn't want them with me or am i misinturpting that?"
If you don't feel like you can handle the anwsers then there is a much bigger issue here from my perspective. Someone you're marrying shouldn't make you worry about the anwsers to these questions.... just my peronsal opinion. I hope it all works out, and that you get the anwsers youre looking for!