sounds like a normal 10 year old. Hell, she sounds like a normal 13 year old as well. And a normal 16 year old. 

Try a chore chart and one household duty per day plus picking up after herself. This is what I have always done and being that we had four kids, they could rotate. But with one I would let her choose each day. If it's on a board then there is less nagging. Also had "chores" that she may enjoy....cooking and such. The kids we raised all love to cook an bake so while we were teaching them adult responsibilities they were also enjoying themselves. 

You also need to keep in mind that you are not her and that her parents do not want her raised the way you were. There is nothing wrong with some responsibility. In fact I am a big fan of it but there is also no reason that once a child reaches a certain age that they should have "so many chores" that they aren't playing, reading, goofing off with electronics etc. They are still kids. 

So a board. A board with reminders and then the expectation that she is old enough to complete those tasks. Less nagging and it puts it on her (assuming dad is on board). There could even be a "reward" at the end of a month for a month of followed responsbilities. 

Oh and the attitude? It doesn't stop for a few years even with the best kids. Roll with it and pick your battles. Once number four reached that age unless she was being blatantly disrespectful (name calling etc) I just let every eye roll and slammed door go. I don't argue with her. She knows the score. 

She is normal. It's your future husband who needs some work.

If you are going to be his wife, you are essentially taking a parental role for his kid. He needs to prepare her for that properly, which means giving her the talk about how what you say goes just as if he said it. This isn't a power play by an evil stepmother. It's essential to keep order and discipline in the household.

He must back you up in front of her and talk to you privately if he thinks you're being too harsh.

Try some couples counseling NOW, before you're into something you hate and can't easily walk away. Get the ground rules down now for how discipline and child-rearing responsibilities will be managed when it's just you and SD. Get on the same page with him so you aren't fighting the rest of your relationship.

You and he need to have a really frank talk about this stuff. Please trust me on this. Even with the rules laid out, SD is going to challenge you every step of the way. But if you and he are on the same page, at least your relationship won't suffer as much.

I can't stress enough the need for a counselor to be the referee on laying the groundwork. He will fight you. But a third party telling him he's out of line makes such a difference.

And don't be afraid to walk away if things aren't shaping up for a situation that's fair to you.

And by the way, it may be puberty today, but tomorrow it will be that SD is stressed at school, fighting with her boyfriend, unhappy at work, planning her wedding...there will always be some excuse for SD to behave badly. So don't think it will clear up when her hormones settle. This is a lifelong dynamic and if it's there now, it's unlikely it will ever go away.

Your info says you are 24, is this right?  Being the SM to a pre-teen or teen is not easy.  Have you spoken to your mom?   Read some of the posts here.   There are plenty of men who would be interested in you who do not have kids.  I do not mean to be cruel, but I do not think you understand the burden a stepchild can be.   I say that God made babies so adorable so that we would not not kill the kids when they became teens.   Raising a child from age 10 is not the same thing.

If you do want to go forward, you and FDH have to be on the same page.  You have to let HIM be the face of setting rules.   Stop telling her twelve times.  Tell  HIM, there is a mess in the kitchen, etc.  Let HIM deal with it. You may be logical, but he is the parent.  

You and your Future husband (I wouldn't advise marrying him until after his parenting improves) need to sit down and discuss housekeeping. You need to tell him that you are constantly the bad guy and nagging her to clean up after herself. She is old enough to do this herself and he is old enough to remind her to do so as her parent. It is HIS child and HIS responsibility to make sure she is independent and self aware. Everyone is responsible for cleaning up after themselves and if his kid leave things behind then he needs to pick up the slack and pick it up for her as you pick up after yourself and him already. 

Then from that point forward you need to stop disciplining her and nagging her but instead text daddy when the dishes need to be removed from the living room or the spare bathroom needs a wipe down....etc. 

Do not!  Adding a new baby to this mix is nothing but disaster and would be horribly unfair to that child.

There are many red flags in your story and most of them relate to your fiance.  You've said he also plays on-line games, is in a band, is dirty himself, etc.  He obviously is not spending time being a father to his daughter and that's part of the fundamental problem.  He sounds like he is not fully mature himself.  

Of course he lays a guilt trip on you when you don't want to be around.  That's because he does not want to parent his own child and expects you to.  So he can play games, play in the band, etc.   He wants you to "take the reins" because he wants to play.  

You cannot do more or care more for this girl than her father does.  And he's not doing much.  This is why you MUST be careful and not get pregnant.  If he senses that you might leave, he will do all he can to keep you chained to him and this situation and another baby will be his way to do so.  He doesn't want to parent, he wants you to.

The world is full of wonderful, available young single men without children who are working hard, saving money, being responsible and would LOVE a young woman like you.  They would treasure and honor having you in their life.  You would be the one and only mother of their children; there would be no ex or stepchildren hanging around for the rest of your life.

It seems as though you live in a somewhat rural area, so maybe there are slim pickings for men around as far as you can see.  Don't accept that for a minute!  You are young and free - there is nothing stopping you from moving to a community that may have more to offer you - including better work prospects and young men more suited to be a life partner for you. 

So the real question is why are you in this relationship when there is so much more out there for you?  When answering that, try not to resort to the old "But he's so wonderful and I love him."  

Trust me.  You can have more than one love in your life.  This guy doesn't sound like the right man for you.   

He isn't cheating and he isn't a drug user. There is a resume' for long term relationship success.  Now we know what he isn't.  So what is he?

Explain what makes him worth putting up with the crap for.  Don't explain it to us. Explain it to yourself.  Sure, the feelings. But what is the substance that makes him worth the misery?

Take care of you.

Like some others have said, this seems normal and I think fixable. Definitely frustrating though, of course. I think one missing piece is your man stepping in. The majority of this kind of parenting needs to come from her dad. You and him should sit down just the two of you and outline clearly what her responsibilities are, create a list of chores she needs to complete each day, and boundaries on when electronics are allowed. Then, dad needs to be the enforceer and communicate this. If he's part of this and is the one who communicates this to her, he will be more invested on wanting her to follow through. He'll be more likely to step in if she drops the ball.

Another piece that's missing is while dad does the heavy lifting on parenting, you should spend some positive time with her. Go out together and do fun things you both like. Go for walks, cook/ bake together, watch a movie together. When she finishes a portion of the chores, tell her you'll reward her with taking her to her favorite ice cream spot, or getting mani/pedis together. 

Her attitude is just her teenhood setting in and her world changing in multiple ways. Understand she's going through a lot too, so I would ignore as much of the attitude and protesting as much as possible. Let her know you love her and you're there for her. Because at the end of the day, you're teaching her to be a well-rounded woman, and being able to clean up after herself is only a piece of that. 

24 year old myself. stepmom since I was 19. 

It doesn't get much easier. I remember reading posts saying "it doesn't get much easier" when I was 20 and joined this site. I thought no way, it's gotta get easier. One day we'll bond. One day she'll be older and more responsible. One day she won't be much work. 

She's almost 7 now and nobody, other than me, tries to get her to take responsibility. Her father puts a bit of effort in, but he's ADHD so he often doesn't notice things. She doesn't clean up after herself, she refuses to tidy her room, she can't do basic things like pick out clothes in the morning without a fit. It's exhausting. If you want kids in the future, check out some of my previous posts. I had my baby 11 months ago and it's opened up a whole array of issues.

It's hard. I don't even want SD around because she's incredibly annoying - her lack of ability to just ACT HUMAN - take some responsibility over little things. If both bioparents aren't pushing it hard, there's no luck for stepparents. Kids need consistent reminders to clean up, do their homework, etc. and if it's only the stepparent, you come off as mean, controlling, and unfair. There's no way around it. Ask all the stepmoms here, they'll tell you, we're the big bad evil stepmoms. 

Why? Because we want our stepkids to act the way our kids, if we have them or will have them in the future, are/will be expected to act. I'm not saying all of this to discourage you, just to remind you that you're in for a long, hard road and maybe marriage doesn't need to be immediate. My husband is the MOST understanding man on earth. He tries so hard to hear me out, handle my concerns with my stepdaughter, etc. 

You know what I think? I think men aren't very "maternal" and they're not overly concerned with raising kids with manners, respect, and all that. I think men are more the "fun" parents (most often than not) so they do really struggle because it's not in their nature to nag kids to get things done. Women are usually the ones who are concerned with these things and push them. So for stepmoms, it's a lose-lose situation.

Our husband's are often relaxed, easy-going and trying to have fun with their kids, and in in-tact families, this works because their wives, the biomoms, are concerned with raising kids to be responsible and respectful. In stepfamilies, the dynamic is off and the stepmom is evil for doing and teaching what we naturally feel we should do and teach. Anyways, rant over. Being a stepmom sucks. That's the gist of it. 

Id urge you read as many scenarios on here. There are so many cases of women who put aside their own hapiness to be an unpaid housmaid/cleaner/cook/sex partner. You are too young for this. You will feel used and taken for granted Im sure. You are already falling for the rubbish that hes telling you... you say youve had a light talk with him and he pushed back but insinuating you dont care about his kid... that is the first sign hes using you. You are a convenience for him. Sorry, but at 24, youre still such a young human yourself... dont waste it on this guy!! PLEASE! You really dont realise just what you have at your age until its too late!!