How to talk to SO about finances
I need advice on how to approach this!
SO ran out of money this month for a few days before his next paycheck AND I maxed out his credit card because I ordered a pizza for $20! I love him and am not with him for the money, but this should NOT be the case if you knew his salary.
Some background- SO and I moved in together about 8 months ago. He has been divorced for 6 years and has a daughter, fsd7. He does not pay child support (joint custody) however, when we moved in together he had NO money. I mean he had maybe 3k to his name. This was because he stayed in the house he shared with ex wife who was once sharing the expense with him (we live in an area where it is very expensive to rent so he wouldnt have been able to find somehting suitable for his daughter) however, his mortgage eventually went underwater. I was disgusted by the whole thing and basiclly forced him to do a short sale and we moved into a beautiful apartment that has a bedroom for his daughter, and its saving him a LOT of money per month. almost 9 months later he is running out of money for a month and maxing out his credit cards?? This whole time I thought he was finally able to be saving and paying down his credit cards. It feels selfish, but I really want to get engaged, married and pregnant within the next few years and I am so disheartened that my SO has nothing even though he makes a decent salary with good benefits and overtime. I make a little less than him, and I manage to save every month and keep a very low balance on my credit cards, so why can't he?
My question is, am I allowed to confront him about this? We are not engaged or married, so I feel like I don't have the right. However, I am curious as to what his other expenses are that I'm not aware of. I know that he pays for all of fsd7's "school bucks" (lunch money) instead of splitting it with BM and he will do other things like buy her brand new dance shoes or soccer cleats even though he splits the registration fees and everything else with BM. Am I unreasonable to insist that BM pays for half of the shoes or lunch money? Do I have any say in this manner? His current financial situation makes me insecure about his ability to provide for me and my future children 
Advice please!!!!
Financial irresponsibilty is
Financial irresponsibilty is a major red flag you should never ignore. I think I would approach it as a talk about your future as a couple and see what he has planned in his head. You might not like what he has to say and I wouldn't say anything that would keep him from telling his truth. You have to be prepared for anything he might say. That should lead into a conversation about money and how to get on the same page for joint goals. Or not.
It will also give you a better understanding on how much BM has her hands in his wallet. IMO if you two agree on moving forward to marriage and family, then you get to know about his financials and go from there.
You want to get engaged,
You want to get engaged, married, pregnant in a few years...is your SO on board with that? Does he have the same expectations of the future? If yes, and you have discussed this, then yes you have the right to say something. If he doesn't know that is what you want and you have not had these types of discussions, then no.
Yes, I guess I should have
Yes, I guess I should have mentioned, SO and I have been together for 2.5 years. We have discussed marriage and kids and he has been very clear about his intentions to make me his wife and mother of his future children.
Then yes, its time to have
Then yes, its time to have the money talk. If he balks at opening up and sharing his expenses, THAT is red flag. I would wonder what does he expect of MY money in all of this. He should be able to contribute equally to the house and support his children. One should not be sacrificed to the other. Granted, emergencies happen and he should have savings to have on hand for that, as should you.
You should also talk about what it would look like if the skids ever came to live with you permanently, college for them, when he plans to STOP supporting them and expects them to launch. These are all things that cost money. Money he would NOT be spending on your future kids.
Dance shoes and occasional
Dance shoes and occasional soccer shoes don't cost all that much. Neither does a 7yr olds school lunch for the average 22days of school a month.
I have no idea what the man spends all his money on, but if he makes a decent salary as you say he does without regular CS payments , he shouldn't be so short of cash he is broke a few days before paycheck and maxing out credit cards for over $20 pizza.
His money is going elsewhere. Obviously you know what the routine household bills are and what share each of you pay towards those. You live with the man, you see at least the incoming unopened mail, does he do all his banking and bills online? Yes, the child will cost him more than being single cost you, but surely you have some idea as to where his cash goes. Lunches? Hobbies? Still bailing out from divorce debt?
I think you best look in other areas of his spending habits prior to demanding he inform BM he won't be paying this or that for the child. The list you gave is not very expensive. Are you sure all the cash he seems to be missing is actually the 'problem'?
Yes, lots of fathers pay tons of CS and then lots of extras on top of it and are pretty broke , but lunch and shoes would be considered the peanuts in that pile of expense. What about healthcare , private school for kiddo, college savings? Something isn't adding up.
If he is talking marriage and additional children you definitely have a right to learn the truth of his finances. Is he covering his share of household living expenses.
If you are planning to get
If you are planning to get married you should be able to see his bank statements and his credit report. Hold true to your values and don’t let him convince you to downplay your gut feeling. I mistakenly married a gambler who was always broke even though he owned his own business. His gambling destroyed our marriage. He would hide money and refuse to show me his bank statements, give me enough for rent and food but always needed me to give him a few hundred at the end of each month because supposedly his account was running low. It turns out, he was spending $200-$1000 a week on gambling after work. He would always come home late from work.
And why exactly would you
And why exactly would you want to marry and breed with someone who is too much of an idiot to do the basic math and make the basic decisions to effectively manage his money, earnings to expenditures and to invest and save enough to fund his share of your joint retirement?
What makes you think that a waste of skin non man who can’t even support himself could support you and your child(ren)?
Move on and find a grown up to breed with instead of this boy.
2.5 years is long past enough time to have come to the obvious conclusion that this guy is far from good enough to be your equity life partner and brings a gene pool too shallow and polluted to make him worthy of contributing to yours.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
If you have been together 2
If you have been together 2.5yrs then you should be confident enough to have a conversation about budgets, saving, children and future house buying plans.
The fact that you don't suggests that you already know that a lot more money is going to his ex wife and child then you want to admt.
You need to have a conversation about fact and not the pie in sky talking about getting married, children and house buying anyone can say that and not actually do anything about it. Otherwise you are going to still be here in 10 years funding his lifestyle, his ex and child lifestyle and still waiting to get married, have a child and house.
This is not the man for you.
I assume you're paying a reasonable share of the household expenses (1/3 would be reasonable IMO as there are two of them and one of you) and he can't even support himself. If he is making as much as you say, he is not managing his money well. Best case scenario : he fritters it away on expensive coffee drinks and lunches out (they add up). Worse case scenario : drugs, gambling, or women. Either way, do you want to be supporting him financially? That's what you're in for.
I also don't get all your scheduling (from your other posts). Do you have his kid a week on/week off? Why can't you carve out time for yourselves? How far is he going to these games? Plenty of parents don't stick around and watch EVERY SINGLE EVENT little Muffy participates in.