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Here's the thing about being a stepparent...

GMLLB's picture

Here's the thing about being a stepparent...

You're expected to instantly love a child, to hold them on the same pedestal, that the people who made them, who have been there every year, every week, every day of their little lives.

And even when you do come to love them, no matter how much you love and will never, ever hold the same rank as mom or dad, even when mom or dad doesn't sacrifice a damn thing.

Being a stepparent is a very thankless role.

Disclaimer: It's been a bad week.

LikeMinded's picture

Well said, I completely agree.

I'm sorry you've had a bad week. Is there anything you're going to do this week to take care of you?

GMLLB's picture

I have my first weekend alone in 3 months, hubby is away for work and BM decided to take SKs for once. So I'm looking forward to doing NOTHING. Smile

Love your signature quote, by the way.

LikeMinded's picture

Awesome! I envy you!

We have all the kids this weekend, and we need to be away from the house becaus we're getting the cabinets refinished (in order to sell the house), and it's raining... so it's going to be fan-freaking-tastic, lol!

I'm glad you're going to have a great weekend... what are you going to do? mani pedi? quiet hike? reconnect with your friends on the phone?

Amcc13's picture

Yeh I totally get ya.
But now I fight back. I question the expectation
Why should I love your child ? Why should I love your grandchild ? How about I bring in the kid down the street and you show me how it's done ?

epiphany's picture

Haha, I often think this - what if I were to bring in some random child(ren) and asked you to do what I do. How long do you think you would last?

Peony329's picture

YES!!! That's the best definition of a stepparent I've read. So true.
And then when you don't put them on the same pedestal or feel instant love, you get chastised for it.

Groves's picture

It somehow baffles my husband that I don't love SD as much as he does. I remember the night I told him that I would never love her as much as I would love a child of my own - not because I don't want to but because that's just the difference between bio children and step children (unconditional love). He didn't like that at all. Big fight. He told me that if I couldn't love her like my own that he wouldn't have a child with me. Mind you, the argument was heated at that moment but this has stuck with me and still bothers me. I can't express how I truly feel about her because it always ends badly. So, I end up resenting time with her and behaving passive aggressively.

Also, it drives me crazy how my in-laws expect that I should know what's going on in bio Mom's family/life because I should know everything about my SD's life. I was recently asked how old SD's great grandma is now; this is bio mom's grandmother. I was fed up at this point and replied "I don't know, ask SD. She might know."

And another thing!! The amount of times that I've been called bio mom's name by almost every member of DH's family is ridiculous. They split up 9 years ago. Haha - though I do understand that they use her name repeatedly due to SD. My family has always been so careful not to do that! It hasn't happened once! Drives me crazy! The most annoying part is that I want to dislike bio mom but, although she is disorganized, she's a good mom and pretty cool. Damn!!

Thanks for the space to vent!

I'm curious about those who had skids first and then had bio children. Is it better? With my SD, it feels like all work and no pleasure. She's 11 and I met her when she was 6. She was cute and I was over the moon in the first year or so, but then it just gradually became less satisfying. So much sacrifice but a serious lack in reward, pride and, I guess, love.