Hello, nice to meet everyone - and a little bit about me
Hi there! I just found this site, and boy am I glad! It's nice to have a place to vent, if nothing else.
I don't feel so bad now - it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels like I'm at the end of my rope sometimes! I look forward to making friends with you all.
About me; I am in my mid 30's and divorced. I have been in my current relationship with my SO for about 10 months now, and we live together. He has an almost-10 year old daughter of which he has about 50% custody.
For the most part, things are good, but I'll admit to being driven batshit crazy by the circus I live in on a pretty regular basis. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
SD9-10 is for the most part a sweet girl. I imagine that with a little consistency and routine, not to mention discipline in her life, she'd do a lot better. Unfortunately it's not my role at this point to provide that, and so I just wind up eating my fingernails or drinking a bunch of wine.
I have no kids of my own. My marriage ended *mercifully* before his mother could talk us into getting pregnant. Thank heaven for small mercies. I have an IUD and I love it. I adore my puppy more than most people seem to like their children.
I am childless by choice, and that works for me. I have accepted that I never want to have bio kid(s).
I DO like children, however. I am a high school teacher - I teach 11th and 12th grade and genuinely enjoy older teens, which is a demographic many find challenging. The younger ones drive me fecking nuts though, as they are too young for logic. Also, living with a kid is a hell of a lot different than teaching them for an hour a day. Teaching has helped me develop patience when dealing with SD, but doesn't help me not FEEL crazy inside. Also, at home, SO needs to be the one running the kid show, so although if I WERE in charge, things would be different, I am NOT and it's hard to take sometimes.
Whew! Anyhow, hi!
Incidentally, I chose the
Incidentally, I chose the nickname MadameMao because (as per SD) I am literally the worst. (hahaha). I also am a relatively recent repatriate from China, and readjusting to life in the USA has its own challenges, apart from dealing with the sometimes bratty offspring of The Dude. And I'm fine with being BadCop. So just call me Madame Mao. Lol....
I know you didn't address
I know you didn't address this to me, but... I chose to remain childless because I never thought I had it in me to deal with the diapers and the crying and teething and terrible 2s... Marrying a man whose children were raised by someone else? It was a non-issue. Or so I thought, which is why I'M here! lol
I WANTED to have a baby when
I WANTED to have a baby when I was younger - I loved kids! - but my body had other plans. And when I thought it was impossible for me to get pregnant, I did (age 35)! However, I miscarried at 5 months so that small chance was gone. I was bitter for a long time afterwards, but my love for children eventually overcame the bitterness.
Honestly, I didn't choose it
Honestly, I didn't choose it so much as it chose me. He's amazing. I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met him, and I've never dated a guy with a kid before, but he's really exactly what I need.
I am doing my level best to be a good figure in his daughter's life, and she and I have a good relationship for the most part. A lot of the difficulties that she and I have are just part of her age and us transitioning into this.
My reasons to not have kids of my own are somewhat complicated, and most likely linked to my own childhood and upbringing. I was raised by a single dad, and honestly, I find that he is a good father to be quite attractive. That surprised me, but a lot of things about this relationship surprise me. I enjoy hanging out with her as well, and she and I have been known to go and have fun and do things together even without him. I don't mean to paint a negative picture overall, it is just that sometimes things are stressful.
I admit that because I am new to this whole business, it's nice to have people to reach out to who understand what I'm going through.
TBH it might be easier dating a man without kids. But I'm in love with THIS man. And he has a little girl. So that's what we are doing now.
HI Madame! Welcome!
HI Madame! Welcome!
Welcome, MadameMao. I am also
Welcome, MadameMao. I am also a childfree SM, and hope your find this site useful.
I just joined too and have
I just joined too and have had my sd12 for 9 years. I'm in the process of disengaging to try to prevent a divorce. I was wondering what The BM is like. I feel like if the skid's BM was even somewhat rational and decent, my experience would be way different.
I also work with kid ages 11 to 20 in juvenile justice and can honestly say I often prefer the company of murderers and armed robbers to my sd. At least they had motivation to get off their ass and do SOMETHING!
Welcome. I hope you find this
Welcome. I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful advice and perspective from others who are living the blended family adventure.
I too am a childless SParent. By choice.... though I also love kids. I decided to not have children of my own due to my wife's near death experience when she was pregnant with my SS. She wanted more kids but I was and am not willing to risk her life and health.
Like you.... I blessedly escaped a prior marriage without spawning. There are miracles in the world let me tell ya. Spawning with that cavern crotched skank whore would have been a life long sentence in purgatory. I am glad I did not soil my gene pool with her.