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tnicole2010's picture

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years and he has a 2 1/2 years old son. I have no children of my own and am 26, never dated anyone with children. Most I’m around children is my nieces and nephews very occasionally me. I’m a quiet, keep to myself person. My question is, am I expected to or required to watch his son when he’s at work at night? My boyfriends mom and sister live in the very next neighborhood, not even 5 mins away and they’re questioning my not wanting to watch him. He’s a very energetic, stubborn child that to my knowledge of children should be a lot further along in areas at his age than he currently his. The BM did not alow contact with the child and my bf family for over a year. BM lives in Alabama. So it’s new for us all I suppose. 

Cbarton12's picture

No. He is not your child and he is not your responsibility. Put your foot down now or it will only get worse.

hereiam's picture

His mom and sister have no business questioning why you will not watch HIS child, it's not your responsibility to watch him. You are not the built in, go to babysitter just because you are dating this guy.

What would your BF do if he weren't dating you? That's what he needs to do.

tog redux's picture

I'm with the others - not your job. Don't set the precedent of him thinking that you will be a babysitter for him, it's not your job. if he has to work, the mother can take the child, or the nosy relatives.

Evil3's picture

You are only 26. Run!!!! Head for the hills!!!

I'm in my mid fifties and "settled" for my DH, a man with kids, because I was 31 and thought that I had no other choice or I'd end up totally missing the boat and never finding anyone. Not a day went by that I didn't regret holding out for someone without kids. It's been soul-destroying. Mind you, I dealt with a mini-wife on steriods and the epitomy of a Disney dad. My SKs were way behind due to being coddled and I wasn't allowed to say a word about it. Yet, I was good enough to watch them and pay towards their care, etc.

It's soooooooooooooooooo not worth it. You are 26. If I was 26 when I met my stbx, it would have been a given that I would not have so much as given him a second look. 26 is plenty young enough that you do not need to settle for the nightmare that's about to come. Run fast and run far!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It sounds as if your boyfriend has primary custody, which means he is responsible for rearing his child. Not you, not his momma, not Joe Blow.  

You have zero obligation or responsibility for his child, so don't let any of the peanut gallery guilt you. Your role is just to date him and be supportive of his parenting, not to do it for him. When he assumed custody, he become responsible for all the care and feeding of his child, and that needs to be the corner stone of your relationship if it is to be successful. Maybe he's like a lot of dumb men who think that anyone with a vagina would simply adore being allowed to perform the services of nanny, cook, maid, and chauffeur for his offspring; well, you'd better advocate for yourself and his child as you both deserve better from him.

Remember, each and every one of us is responsible for our own stuff. Keep it separate, and take care of yourself first.


Harry's picture

His family does not want to watch him.  So they are guilting you.   FIRST you are not married to him, you have no responsibility to babysitter.   SECOND you must clear this up before you go on with this relationship,  DH has to under standard this kid is not your problem. He will never be your problem.  BF problems are not yours.  You will never be the babysitter or his mother.

tnicole2010's picture

I should’ve mentioned BM lives about 6 hours away in Mobile, AL. We reside in Atlanta. We’ve talked about it and it seems he understands, he’s known for a while now that I have very little to no experience with children and he knows his is a more than a handful, so not too sure why they want him dumped of on me anyways. It feels like they’re forcing me to build some sort of bond, but for me it’s difficult to build a bond with anyone let alone a child when I feel forced. Also there is no custody agreement as of yet *rolls eyes* BM has all control and say so. He’s only here when she feels she wants a break from what I can tell, which is every other month sometimes 2-3 months, or when my boyfriends mom kisses her a**. I thought maybe it’ll better as he gets older...His behavior is only getting worse. Ive seem with my own eyes that he’s left all day with an ederly grandmother of the BM who is unable to chase a 2 year old around and so leaves him in a small enclosed play area for most if not all of the day. I expressed concerns about his speech (or lack thereof) and comprehension a year ago when he first started coming around, which seemed to go in one ear and out the other. Now boyfriend and his family are seeing what I’ve been saying since then and now it maybe too late, behavior wise. He’s in speech therapy now so that’s improved. From what I’ve seen he acts more like a one year old than almost 3 years old toddler. I can only imagine what he will be like at 5 and feel a shiver down my spine LOL. BM apparently has twins on the way from her new relationship so I assume she’ll be much more open minded about the time he’s here in Atlanta. I do appreciate all your advice, you all have pretty much confirmed what I’ve been feeling, wasn’t sure if I was wrong for feeling this way so thank you all. This has become something I’m not entirely sure I want to be involved with any longer, yet it is very difficult to walk away. I do love and care for my boyfriend (and his family) very much, we’ve been through a lot together in a short time.