You want what any young woman would want, your own first experiences.  Unfortunately, the hand you've been dealt right now includes a man with a child.  Two different things.

I've read many similar posts on ST where the advice is, " Find someone else to have those firsts with".   You are the only one to determine whether its worth it to surmount these feelings and go forward with a man who already has a child.  She is not going away.and if you read around on ST, you can expect years of issues with her and BM.   Or, whether you would go thru the breakup trauma and find someone you can share those firsts with.  Not easy alternatives.

Good luck.

Being in any relationship means making some compromises and some level of sacrifice so you both can be happy and satisfied.

Being in a step-relationship means making huge sacrifices and comprises, often so a person not in your relationship can be happy (usually BM) and you can live to fight another day.

I don't say this to scare you away but to be honest with you. You will need patience, endurance, kindness, self sacrifice, and strength beyond the ordinary if you are really going to see this through. BM will be in the picture until the kid is 18 at least, if not beyond. There will be years of court fights, custody and child support issues. Differences in household rules and standards that will become more disharmonious as the kid ages. It's a ton of work being a step and it often means putting your feelings last. For some of us though, the high price is worth it. My hubby is my best friend and inspite of all the pain and tears step life has brought, he's worth it. He truly is the best guy I've ever met. He's hardworking, smart, thoughtful, gracious and honest... I could go on lol. He's exactly what I want. Several years in and I'm still totally in love with him every day I wake up and smile.
In the end it will be up to you if your happiness also lies down the stepparent path or not. If your guy is 100% worth the pains, then give it your best and learn all you can about building a successful stepfamily. If you're not sure, nows the time for reflection, before you have a kid together. There's many roads to happiness. Choose yours with wisdom and deliberateness.

best wishes 

I think I know how you feel, because I felt like that before I had my bio.  I loved my SDs, but they weren't mine and I wanted a child of my own.

Why are you not in a financial position to have your own child?  Are both you and your BF working?  Does he have unmanageable financial obligations to BM?  Is this a short term situation, where your finances will be better within the year?  There's rarely a perfect time to have a baby, but if your boyfriend isn't willing to have one now, for whatever reason, you have to figure out WHEN he will be willing and whether you believe that it will actually happen then.  And you have to figure out whether he's worth waiting for. 

When I was ready, I was not willing to wait to have a child.  If my then-stbDH had not wanted a child at that point (he already had two), I would have moved on and found a man who shared my desires.  I do not believe that there's only one person out there for each of us - I know there are any number of men out there with whom I would be compatible and happy.  A difference of opinion on something as important to me as having my own child would be an incompatibility that was too great.  

FWIW, my DH's ex is a decent person and a good mother who is not high conflict and has her children's best interests at heart.  In other words, she rarely causes us any problems.  I would not have married my DH if he'd had a toxic ex.  Life is too short to deal with that.

Raising children is hard enough, I wouldn't want to have one with someone that wasn't 100% on board.

I would also never want to be financially dependent on anyone.

By "not in a financial position to have a baby", do you mean that *you* don't feel it's the right time? Or is it him? Men have the luxury of time when it comes to having kids, women don't. Your DH also has a child already, so doesn't feel the pressure you do. Do not let him "run down the clock", if you feel he is not truly on board with another child. This isn't something you should sacrifice for him. If you want another child, and you are already "parenting" with a stepchild, now might be the best time. At least, that is, if you are both on the same page. 

I thought I had a pretty great relationship with my skids who were 6 &8 when my son was born. My partner had them 50% of the time and I was as involved as I wanted to be. I could go out if I wanted. I took vacations myself with my sister and mom. I had a full time job that kept me really busy. I didn't have to parent although I watched them sometimes when I was free. I enjoyed playing g as mea, shopping for them, taking them out - I felt like an aunt.

That all completely changed when I had a son. Suddenly I wasn't working, was stuck at home all day every day, was expected to do childcare, had the entire household to clean up after, had to parent when their parents were unavailble...all the freedom and flexibility was gone and, more importantly, once I had my own son I realised how much you could love someone and that I really only liked my skids.

I'm now in a position where I feel the burden of having to live my life according to my partner and his children's needs first. It's very difficult. He had a marriage, bought a house, had babies etc all before he met me. I feel like I've been slotted in to somebody else's life and sometimes I feel that it's not good enough for myself or my birth kids to always be the second choice.

This is totally personal but I would encourage you to consider that the entire dynamic changes when you have your own child and can become so much more emotional and challenging.

Best of luck and I really hope you get to experience having your own little one some day!

So, don't feel like that.

No, I have never had those feelings. I have no BKs, my SS is my son.  He asked me to adopt him when he was 22.  His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.

He is our first together.  I couldn't care less that he is not of my gene pool.  He is mine none the less.  Anyone who would try to say otherwise to my family would not find the outcome to be particularly pleasant.

When you have a child, it will be your first together.  Everything you experience together with your child will be the first for you and for your mate.  He has not had these firsts with you.  So... stop what you are doing to yourself with the "what ifs" and the "not his first" bullshit.

And be ready.  There will be any number of comments about how your baby(ies) look like their big sister.  If you can't handle that ... find a mate who is not a prior breeder.

I went through infertility before having my two children. I have to say infertility while being a stepmom is a special kind of hell. There's no reason to believe that you will have trouble having children you really don't know until you try unless you have some underlying condition that you're already aware of. I thought about the same things and I knew that if I wasn't able to have a biological child of my own I would not be able to stay with my husband. 

My story. It is now my ex DH and ex SD.

I had no children. Ex DH said when we got married we could try, "when the timing was right"  I patiently waited dreaming of the time where OUR child was a part of us. Well well, that time never came. He changed his mind, the time was never right, and his words"SD is of perfection I dont need anymore"

Be dang sure your SO is on the same page and he doesnt change his mind. Its too late for me now to have bios. Do not be me. Living with sadness, regret, but relief I am not tied to that mini wife loving Ahole ex DH.