Dreading the Holidays
Another Holiday Season of Dread... Just don't know anymore what to do. SO lost both of his parents, and makes it a point of ruining the Holidays for ANYONE who has parents....After over 6 years he REFUSES to get help... to add insult to injury, he feels he should be able to go on a road trip for the holidays and expects ME to finance it. Last year he got stupid drunk and insulted my family members saying things like "You still have your Mother" "My Parents are Dead".... knowing DAMN well that my Mom, Aunt & Uncle all do not have living parents... NOW my poor Uncle has passed away and my cousins are going through their 1st Holiday without their Father and there is NO WAY I can let him around them for fear of what he is going to say....
My Birthday is a few days before Xmas as well.... I just dread it all... My Mother HATES him (for very good reasons) and he is very rude to her as well... We normally host Xmas Eve at our home, and now I have to have my Mom have it at her house because of him.... My family buys his kids Xmas Gifts and really loves them, what am I going to say if none of them come?
He has an intermittent drug problem, lies to me all the time about money, work, drugs, etc.... I want to leave him so badly...But I am so tied up in his sh*! that I cannot see my way out... Co-Signed a car for him, my name is on all the household bills... I am going BROKE while he ditches work...
I know I am just venting here......but I am so sad.
THANK YOU!! I firmly believe
THANK YOU!! I firmly believe that people get addicted to drama just like people get addicted to crack. They have to have it. If they don't, they start looking for ways to create it.
Take the car that you
Take the car that you cosigned for, and sale it after you hit the road!
So, what do you get from this
So, what do you get from this relationship that is positive or brings out the best you?
I'm just throwing this out
I'm just throwing this out there because I was in a really bad relationship once.
In a nutshell: He lied to me, stole from me, cheated on me and physically abused me. He lived off me completely and had 10001 excuses when it came to work or paying me back and he was on drugs on and off.
At first it was loans.. and I figured I wouldn't get the money back if I broke it off.. in the end, no amount of money mattered.. all I wanted from him was for him to GTFO of my house (that I bought before I even met him).
At the time of our breakup, I had two vehicles. I had a truck with pmts that still had a couple years left to go on the finance and we had bought a 2nd car used so that we would have 2 vehicles (because of course the truck I though he owned was really being paid for by an EX and she took it back..duh). The used car cost about $3500.00 and I paid cash for it.
When I finally got an opening to get him to leave (was able to show proof he cheated.. so I knew he had somewhere to go).. I told him to leave and to take the car that I paid for.
Total, that guy probably cost me over 20K over the course of our relationship. I knew he was never going to pay me back and things weren't ever going to be right with him. I had no respect and only disdain for him at the end.
You think you are trapped. Well, if he leaves, can you cover your living expenses on your own? What other bills besides those and the car payment do you have? How much is owed on the car? Do you think you might be better off cutting your losses, letting them repo the car? A voluntary surrender of a vehicle is slightly better than an all out charge off on your credit I think. You can call the finance company and explain the situation. Let them take the car and worst case, you will just be on the hook for the diff in what you owe and what they get at auction.
If the situation means you have to leave... just call all the people and tell them you are closing your accounts..electric water etc... he can hook them up himself if he wants.
You are not so trapped as you think. Your family and friends don't like him, they are likely to support you if it means he is out of the picture. Financially could any of them help you out so you can escape the situation?
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments and suggestions... It is an eye opener to hear the brutal truth. I would be fine financially if I left him... better then I am now.... I currently live in his house which he inherited from his dead parents...But his job can barely cover the electric bill, I have to come to the realization that this isn't my problem. I look at my checking account and CRINGE... he is supposed to turn his checks over to me every week so I can pay his share of the bills and then give him money for the work week... there is ALWAYS some BS excuse and normally it revolves around a drug debt which he never comes clean about... Don't even get me started on Child Support, I have NO CLUE how he skirts around this.... but that is the one thing I have never paid for... and I am not going to start now.
My co-dependancy is driving him deeper into his fantasy world and it is making me go insane... I sit here at work KNOW he blew off work, again today because he was such an jerk to me this morning... and then there is the excuses, me getting pissed off, him blaming me for everything and then DEMANDING I apologize to him for treating him so bad. It is SICK and I need to get out.... so badly.
Girl, listen to yourself!
Girl, listen to yourself! You know what you want to do...so do it! It sounds like you have family that could help you with a place to stay potentially.
In my case, it was hard because I had to get him OUT.. not as easy. In your case, I would pack up what you need to and GTFO and then cut off utilities and bills first chance you can. Also, if you have any joint accounts or if he is on any of your accounts as an authorized user.. get them shut down or you off the account.
The car.. well, I would probably let them repossess it if you don't want to take it and try to sell it or use it. Believe me, even if it puts a dent in your credit.. usually for things like when you buy a home, they let you give them a reason for the black mark.
Your sanity and well being are important. You are worth so much more than to let a man treat you that way.
Hon, you can do this. Women
Hon, you can do this. Women leave assh@!es every day.
Go into stealth mode, collecting all important paperwork and valuables and removing it from the home. Surreptitiously get as much stuff out as possible. Then organize friends and family to show up and get the rest of your belongings - make sure beforehand that you have keys to the vehicle, and take it, sell it, and pay off the note.
It all starts with a plan. Give yourself the best Christmas gift ever and leave the loser.
I don't think we've opened
I don't think we've opened your eyes. It sounds like you've always known.
My ex would blame me too when he would blow off work. It's a classic drug addict move. He would start a fight and then say he was too upset to work and that it was all my fault. He's a meth user, isn't he?
Hon, the best thing I ever did was leave. It doesn't sound like you have kids together. Yes, your codependent mind will say "How can you do this to him? How will he live?" Well, he's a big boy, an adult, and he can figure that out on his own. You will not be the cause of his undoing. He makes his choices and he will have to live with them.
Once you leave, he's going to love bomb you and promise to quit and get help. These are lies. Go no contact with this man. Change your number, block him on social media, do whatever you have to do.
Give yourself the best Christmas present ever.... A LIFE!
You are all right. I get my
You are all right. I get my Bonus in March and I think I need to start quietly getting my affairs in order before he makes things worse for me.
Go back, read your original
Go back, read your original post, and explain (to yourself) why exactly you tolerate this POS waste of partner skin in your life?
Be free, enjoy the kickoff of a new life adventure with this severely broken moron in your rear view mirror. His voluntary idiocy is intolerable IMHO.
Take care of you.