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DH never takes my advice

Katelyn89's picture

Hello all.   Basically the title says it all, my DH will ask "what do you think I should do or say" and I'll give him advice and we'll talk about it but he NEVER takes my advice. SD18 has been staying with us since March because of stupid covid from college. Now SD18 and DH are fighting and since I don't have kids of my own, I am stuck with her while my DH works afternoons (3-11).  I have tried to talk with her but nothing won't respond won't say anything just stays in her room. I have advised DH to talk to her and figure it out but he refuses. He says "we'll just end up arguing". He completely ignores the situation and thinks it'll just work itself out. I've known this girl since she was 10. I give him advice and just ignores me. I can't take it anymore. He won't listen to me SD ignores me. I have decided now that I will disengaging fromThe situation. He created this mess and now it is his turn to clean it up. Times in the past I have smoothed things over but now I am leaving it up to him. Any other advice from someone in a similar situation? Thank you 

Katelyn89's picture

Thank you floppy ears. I think I will take that and disengage. I am usually the opposite so we will see how SD responds as she expects me to engage and talk with her. 

Rags's picture

She knows daddy has no balls. That is why she argues.  She knows he will wilt and avoid her like the plague.  The only way to fix this is for daddy, and  you, to climb up her ass and stay there until she purges the shit for brains she has and catches a clue that her shitty behavior returns nothing but abject misery.  

Start deducting money from her college support for each instance of shitty behavior she perpetrates. Not just a little bit.  25% deduction for each instance with no ability to earn any of it back.

Cover1W's picture

DH asks for my advice, less now because I give it less.  Because he never, ok maybe once or twice in the 7 years we've been together, taken it.  He just does what he, the Father (as I've been clearly told he gets final say no matter what - he told me ONE time and I've taken him at his word then), thinks best. 

I mean it's to the point where recently he asked me about the new shoes SD got for Xmas.  Reminded him they were TOO SMALL (like by 1/2 size) and she could wear the NEW ones he got her to replace the small ones.  But she likely didn't care for the color of the new ones - not that she can actually SAY that (remember YSD cannot ever tell us what she wants/doesn't want) she says the new ones don't fit (B.S.!).  Note that he never bothered returning the small ones, so they are available of course.  He said to me, "But do you know they are too small?"  Me, "DH, I was RIGHT THERE at Xmas when she tried them on, her toes were literally jammed in there - it could hurt her feet."  She can wear the new ones, jeez. They are sport shoes not regular shoes. So he goes back down and talks with her.  Next thing I know they are going out the door, her wearing the too small shoes.

Right then I was 100% done with even small suggestions.  I just always, always say it's up to him or it's up to YSD.  I don't ever decide or suggest.  Even now, because she hasn't bathed in a week.  Not saying a thing.  I don't think she's brushing her teeth either.  Not saying a thing.

Katelyn89's picture

I am so thankful for this site. I felt so alone at first and now I see so many others with very similar situations. DH will always ask me "do you think SD would like this or that?" I don't know!  She can never make up her mind on anything. And another thing that bothers me and I don't know why is that whenever I buy myself something nice for example I bought a Michael kors bag for work. He asks me when I bring it home "I wonder if SD would like one like that for when she starts her internship". Why is it that everything I buy myself he always wants to get the same for her? 

Tried out's picture

Could it just be that he doesn't have a clue anout what women need/want and doesn't really think about it until he sees something you buy and that flips a switch in his brain?

JRI's picture

I had a similar situation but it was SD who always wanted a duplicate of whatever I got.  So aggravating.  I finally told myself thst imitation was the sincerest form of flattery.  That's true but it's still a pain.

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

Disengage and let her stay in her room until covid is over. She's causing stress and problems. Better that she stay in her room. There's nothing to resolve.