OK

real issue "your husband"...no, he sleeps with you, not his child unless maybe the child is sick or something...

PS

no worries about the crazy ex...anything she does SMILE...cause here is the deal "it must SUCK to be her, you just had a stupid ex-boyfriend
who cheated on you with her...you are now with her EX husband...that must suck for her! lol"

Buy yourself a Proud Mrs XXXX t-shirt and wear it anytime you see her lol

Yes, the antichrist is going to ruin your marriage.

Talk to your pastor, have him explain to your husband about sacred vows of marriage.

Your husband is hurting your marriage, not his son. The has no control over the way the parent parents.

This is about your husband and an unhealthy parenting style...That needs to be addressed. If he doesn't see it, then maybe a therapist can point it out.

It's easy to lose perspective when you're with a partner you love, you feel like he treats you well, and you want the relationship to work, but in this situation you need to take a fresh look at the dynamic in your home and understand that your husband is choosing to make your life frustrating and stressful because he does not want to step up and be an effective parent. That's a big gaping hole in his dream man persona.

When your partner is a parent to a young child you cannot separate out the parent part of him from the partner part of him in the relationship because how he parents his child impacts directly on your day to day life, your levels of contentment and happiness, your stress levels and the extent of your practical contribution to home and childcare. A hapless do gooding parent who won't maintain boundaries, deal with discipline, and put in the grunt work to feed, clothe, entertain and educate his child is not treating his partner well, he is making her the butt of his poor parenting. And unfortunately so many of us enter these relationships infatuated and full of positivity and good intentions that we enable our husband to intentionally or accidentally just slack off. Pretty soon we have stepped up into a mother role in which we are supervising whether children have done their teeth and their homework, and worrying about their diet and whether their bedrooms are tidy, while their actual parent does all the fun stuff and is apathetic about the nitty gritty of parenting.

What wife wouldn't feel offended by her husband leaving her and going to sleep with his child every time he stays over? That's a man in the grip of a clingy over-attachment to his child who is doing what he wants (having cuddly close time with his child) instead of what his som needs (personal space and independence). Honestly if I was a single mum, or a non custodial parent, I can see the appeal of sleeping with my child all the time, but I wouldn't do it because I would be setting my child up for all sorts of over-attachment issues instead of helping them be confident in their own space.

At 7 your SS is mostly a result of his parents parenting, he is not going to ruin your marriage, but your husband might if he doesn't make the effort to parent properly, and you might if you continue to be the parent in his place, because you'll end up in a lose/lose triangle.

Sorry, but this child has nothing to do with the issues you are having in your marriage. The adults in this child's life his father, your in laws, spoilt him witless and created the child he is today. Your anger and hatred is misplaced. This wonderful man you speak of has caused you all this pain, not his child. This wonderful man of your dreams is wrecking your marriage. You need to tell him he has ruined his son, and now he has ruined your marriage.

You love him, I get it, so it's easier to resent the hell out of that child than it is to put the blame where it honestly belongs. Fair and square on your husbands shoulders. It doesn't matter how BM treats the child, it doesn't matter how the grandparents treat the child, your husband should have rules, boundaries and behaviours that are acceptable in your home. No use blaming everyone else because his father isn't a good husband or parent. Before you defend him and say he is a great husband. Remember, his failure to parent is making you miserable. If your husband is making you miserable, he is not a great husband.

I might get blasted, but why is it on this site women ( and sometimes the guys) say, "oooohhhhh my spouse is perfect, the man I waited my whole life for, but his kid is a monster', HE'S NOT PERFECT IF HE'S A SHITTY PARENT! And OP, your issue is as these ladies say, lies in HIS parenting.

Unfortunately it is not only your Skid that is jeopardizing your marriage, it is the XW/BM, your ILs and most notably your DH.

Even when we enter the life of a Skid when they are very young a Sparent rarely goes unmolested by all of the people listed above. To the Skid we are often an interloper who either threatens to take their parent away, replace the other parent or makes the other parent look bad so the Skid gets toxically manipulative and defensive. When in reality we tend to want to be a positive add to the Skid's lives. To the X of our SO we are an interloper who infringes on the CS gravy train, or who spends any CS paid to our households and diminishes the X's standing with our SO. When in reality we generally could not care a flying rat's ass about our SO's X. To the ILs/granparents we can be considered to be a distraction that takes focus and resources away from the anointed GKs and to the parent that we share our lives with we can intermittently be a interference in doing what they like as far as spending time and resources on the spawn they share with their X. When all we want is for our marriage/family to be the focus for us and our SO's and to have a pleasant relationship with our ILs.

IMHO there is only one way to deal with all of this. Put our foot down, tolerate none of it and apply a boot to the appropriate asses as necessary. If everyone will be reasonable then there is no issue. If they refuse to be reasonable then ... no time or resources are committed without our express agreement. We will be involved in all decisions that have even the slightest impact on our lives, families or homes. We will be at every event we chose to be at and anyone there (SO's, Skid's, Xs, ILs) can be pleasant and interface respectfully with us or we will be even more noticeably involved and when necessary in the faces of those that are not reasonable. We may not like the tension but it will bother us far less than it will those who are being unreasonable.

The only way I have found to thrive in a blended family environment is to commit to my DW, put our marriage first, remove emotion as completely as possible from the blended family equation and deal with each discreet behavioral issue as it arises.

This has worked for our family and I believe it will work for any situation if approached with an open mind, flexibility and from the perspective of zero tolerance for Bull Shit.

All IMHO of course.

Good luck.

It is your husband who is ruining your marriage, not his child. That being said, I know exactly how you feel because the only time my DH and I have issues is when SD is around so it sure as hell seems like she's the problem (even though I know it's DH- SD is only 5). The thing is, the problems wouldn't exist if it weren't for the kids so it's easy to blame them. I know how that is.

Have you tried taking your DH to counseling? I had to pretty much force my DH to go with me before we got married because we had similar issues but he went and it seemed to help with some things (it wasn't an instant turnaround, but I think he saw the light when a neutral party told him the things I had been saying for years). I definitely recommend it! But make sure you find someone who has experience with stepfamilies!

No choice? Lets review options. Leave this guy and spend a few years (perhaps months) finding a usable guy.

Stay with this guy and spend rest of life miserable (which I can guarantee).

Having reviewed the options I think you should choose number two don't you?

Seriously - DON'T have children with this guy - you'll be leaving sooner or later and you don't want to have:
1: a incompetent father of your child(ren).
2: worse yet a incompetent father you divorced.

Girl friend... Take back your life. Your husband sleeping with his kids is discusting! If he wants to be married to them offer him some divorce papers and go! Good lord imagine what this kids dating life will be like when he things the world revolves around him! Tell DH what's up and give him a choice.

Step kids are part of the problem but their parents made them this way.

Hi!

Wow some people can be really harsh! Well hopefully I can offer you some compassion!

I understand how you feel. My step daughter is 11 and her mother is basically a deadbeat. My husband has tried to be both mother and father WITHOUT discipline. So me, being a teacher who believes in discipline is something SHE doesn't like. He thinks my expectations are too high for an 11 year old. But the bottom line is...your feelings matter. You have a right to make rules. If that child is sharing a home with you, YOUR VOICE DESERVES TO BE HEARD!

I'm in a very similar situation myself. I'm in my late 20's been dating a guy for almost 5yrs. When we first met he had a 3yrold daughter, she is now almost 8yrsold. He and I have lived together for 2yrs and he has her every other weekend. He will sometimes "accidently fall asleep" in her bed with her when she's over. He used to do it both nights (he gets her friday and sat night) I find it disgusting. It's not accidental, it's on purpose. I honestly think we're sacrificing our hearts and souls for this misery of a relationship. No other man would do that....but a screwed up guilty divorced father. We don't matter in the equation. No matter how much the man tries to convince us that we do.

I'm taking a break from divorced man with baggage and moving out. I can't handle it anymore. I'm sick of being disrespected and made to feel like my wishes are meaningless. He also lies to me too. He almost has a completely separate life when he's with his daughther, his parents, and picking up his kid from bio moms house. I am excluded a lot. I've never felt so insignificant in my life. It isn't right. Just thought I'd give my 2cents, hopefully things are better for you. And yes I agree, this site is a godsend.

If I were you, I'd make him marry you. Don't get taken advantage of girl. We're already putting our hearts on the line for these baggage ridden men. My guy has been stringing me along for close to 5yrs! And we talked marriage recently, and he's still not ready. I will be moving out soon.