Advise Please SD10 Is Stealing From Me
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I went into her room today to check it was tidy and found one of my businesss cards in plain sight in her room. These cards are in a hidden compartment in my purse which I always keep in my handbag out of the way.
Yesterday she decided it was okay to rifle through my handbag and even go through my purse. I feel totally disrespected, angry, disgusted and no longer feel my things are safe here.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing, how did you deal with it?Any advice would be very much appriciated. Needless to say SD10's day is going to be pretty bad when she gets in from school. BD is furious and so am I.
Okay, she's 10, old enough to
Okay, she's 10, old enough to know right from wrong, but still 10. I wouldn't call taking a BC stealing. You have no idea what her motivation was for taking it. She might have done it because she thought it was cool you had a business card! I'd step back a second.
Both of you need to sit her down and talk to her about your right to privacy. How your purse is your private property and she has no right to touch it, same for all of your belongings, except when given permission by you for her to touch them. Take this as a teachable moment. Her BM may allow her to go through her purse so she may not understand how it affects you.
If this isn't the first time, well, then, you have a bigger issue on hand and punishment is called for.
Absent of any other apparent
Absent of any other apparent issues with the SD. I would just ask her where she got it and why did she want it. Then you should tell her that you expect her to respect your privacy and that she needs to ask permission before she goes through someones purse (or drawers or jewelry box etc...)
It is quite possible that BM lets her have free range. My younger SD has a bad habit of borrowing clothes and things from her sister and mom. I have made it pretty clear that she does not take things from me/us without permission.
In this case, set the expectation and then you and DH will need to deal with lapses.
If you were noticing money missing etc.. I would def bring in DH to deal with it.
However, this is an issue between you two. She may have gone into your purse without asking. Now if she says.. oh.. Daddy gave it to me in case I needed to contact you... Then you have a convo with DH cause HE went in your purse without asking:)
I agree with ESMOD, just ask
I agree with ESMOD, just ask her how she got the business card and why. Then point out what you want from her.
Thank you all for the advise,
Thank you all for the advise, I know a business card doesn't seem like much, and no I wasn't bothered by her taking it I have plenty, it was the principal of what had happened.
She lied about how she got my business card when I asked her about it, she said she found it on the floor, I told her there was no why it could have fallen out so she admitted that she went through my bag and then my purse to see what was in there, she liked the business card so she took it. DH also never gave her permission to go into my bag, I double checked, he won't even go in my bag when I ask him to, he goes and gets it and gives the bag to me instead.
Unfortunately this isn't the first time she has taken things of mine without asking or from her father. In the same week she took my business card she also took a mobile phone of her bio-fathers (an Iphone), and had taken some of my make-up, clothes etc. She had also taken my IPad.
A purse isn't something she is allowed to go in anywhere, nor is she allowed to go into her Bio-fathers bedroom where she had been taking the other things from. She only sees her Bio-mother once every 2-3 months (the women doesn't care about her daughter at all) and she is never allowed in her bio-mothers purse either.
This is also not the only issue with SD, her head is a mess and even though she knows what she is doing is wrong she does it anyway. She has been in trouble for something or another almost every day the last 3 weeks.
Naturally we punished her for this latest bout of stealing but I did sit her down and have a good talk with her reminding her of why we can't do those things. For now I'm just grateful she's stealing things around the house and not out in the world. The kid is a total pain, she acts like a 5 year old and things she can do whatever she likes.
I'm not sure what to do with her myself, I think she needs some counselling to see why she feels the need to act out all the time. I personally think it's for attention but she also ignores boundaries and the immaturity is a big problem too. If you couldn't tell I'm sighing a lot writing this lol, I've been here 4 weeks and wow it's taking it's toll.