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YSD fishing for drama she could create about DH & I

Disillusioned's picture

Further to my last post about the phonecall YSD and I had today, I found this entertaining for lack of a better word too;

At one point on the call she says to me "How is Dad doing with retirement, I mean, how's his Mental Health?" ....and she asks it with this very serious 'like-I'm-so-worried-about-him' tone


I guess what she really meant was, how was DH doing since it's been 2+ years since OSD cut him/us out of her life and that of sgkids and between that and DH turning 65 and retring last year in the middle of a pandemic...but mostly I think she assumes DH would be devastated at not seeing OSD and her children and moping around at home with lots of pandemic retirment time to feel depressed

I almost wanted to laugh when disappointing her with the truth. I told her that DH is doing Great. That he's gotten serious about cooking and is loving it which is helping me out tremendously as I'm working long hours these days. That like where she lives, we are not in a big city with a lot of lock-downs (not to mention as essential care givers for my Mom we're both vaccinated) so DH does get out to have lunch with his buddies as well as lots of silly video calls. That we do see my famiy and we see our friends, with lots of social-distancing and restrictions of course. We even go out for dinner once a week. And now that the weather is getting nice we walk most nights after dinner on the beautiful trails by the lake just a short way from our house. 

Not the answer she was expecting LOL

And I know that everything I say goes back to OSD who wants nothing more than to think that DH & I are miserable and sad and desperate to be around her and sgkids so I'm sure YSD was disappointed she didn't get the answer she wanted, and nothing dramatic to report back to OSD (which means nosey BM and SIL as well)

Of course DH does miss OSD and her children, but she made the decision to cut us off because DH stood up to her manipulation and meddling in our lives, her efforts to destroy my marriage and generally get her own way - me out of the picture so she can walk about being # 1 in DH's life and continue with her self-inflated sense of her own importance and her role

She made this decision, not DH. And DH has decided to allow her to live by the choices she has made in life

Although he does have real moments of sadness and misses his family so much of course, he is otherwise guite happy and enjoying life. We have so much less stress to deal with now, when we're not stuck surrounded by the toxic energry generated by OSD, SIL and BM (and even YSD, now that I've disengaged a whole lot from her too)

Hard pill for them to swallow I'm sure, but then maybe they should have thought about all that before they thought it was okay to constantly lash out at DH and target his wife


SacrificialLamb's picture

These SDs think that their dads are home just pining away for them. They also think that that the SM is responsibile for why daddy isn't chasing them anymore.....we have them chained to a chair so they can't go anywhere. They are always surprised to find out that dad is having a great time.

My DH, like yours, misses his family, but does not miss the drama. He likes having a peaceful life. 

You'd figure that after 2 years OSD would get a clue, but it's about WINNING.  My OSD, 6 years ago, started to punish her dad when he didn't chase her as she expected him too. It's the same thing; wanting SM out of the way so she can resume her spot on top of the pedestal and bask in her own glory.

Disillusioned's picture

Pining away is a great way to describe it Sacrificial, but I honestly think it's the SD's projectings their emotions on our DH's LOL

You are so correct that it is ALL about Winning....they have to prove to the world - their SM's in particular, that they not SM is #1 with DH

So sad for them

For my part, it is so nice to not have to deal with them much at all any longer Smile

Survivingstephell's picture

I love this so much!   Nothing like a dose of happiness upside their self centered heads!   

caninelover's picture

Bratty McBratFace (SD23) complained to SO last year that all I talked about was my upcoming retirement (next year).  He told her he was so looking forward to his and couldn't wait to have all that free time, and was happy for me that I could do so at a relatively young age (50).  

That shut her up about that at least. 

Once these brats are out in the world for several years then they start to get it LOL.

PS I mentioned it exactly once to Bratty when we were trying to get her to move her crap out of my house.  I'm converting that room to a Whiskey lounge for our post-retirement daily happy hours (at 3 pm!).

SteppedOff's picture

These daddy vulture women really are way too much!

We are in similar situation has been 4 years since his daughter has spoken to him or allowed contact with the grandchildren...even after asking. When my husband began to set boundaries she was done. I am certain she thought daddy would chase her and beg for forgiveness. It has to be shocking to them when daddy doesn't.

I have to agree with another husband is also happier without all of the commotion she caused all of the time. I am sure that he missed her and the grandchildren but was able to recognize it for what it was/is and work through it. If it continued as it had with her working all the buttons and in charge I think he recognized he would eventually be divorced.

When you rest long enough to really think about it all it is stomach turning. Just the abusiveness they are doing to their own children using them and not allowing the love of the grandparent....these are really disturbed women.

Good luck to you...continue to stay strong together...and be careful of the younger one who is likely workin' it for big sister behind the scenes.

Live well!

Disillusioned's picture

SteppedOff, wow you really summed that up very accurately. It is abuse from SD's and yes they are disturbed. It sure does sound like your situation is very much like mine. Best thing your DH can do is be happy and carry on exactly as he's doing. And he obviously made his marriage the pritory so that is amazing. Thanks for your wise words!