Xanax
Forums:
I really hate to say this “out loud”. But does anyone self medicate before they walk in the house? Again, i have grown skids living with us right now but one doesn’t have a job and invites his friends over when we are going to bed and is running around and loud. For goodness sake you are 19 yrs old. Like wth.
My husband gets mad at me when i beg for him to do something about it. So instead i have to sleep with earplugs that hurt, pop a Xanax, and turn on 2 sound machines. All so an entitled kid can have fun.
I would love to tel them to
I would love to tel them to gtfo but mh dh always tells me how negative I am. I let him know bc it’s build up resentment over his passive partnering. Just because he can sleep through it all doesn’t mean I can at all. But regardless if we can sleep through it or not why not teach your son to stop being so damn selfish. Or maybe demand he get a job.
Btw i descreetly do almost all of those things lol. I stopped buying the crap food Ss eats and but I’ll have to try the router thing. lol. The whole house would lose their gd mind. I did watch a chick flick the other night while i was sick and ss came in and was making food while being loud af while FaceTiming someone. Poor baby when i had to text his dad and tell him to te his son to go away and also i finally said please leave the kitchen can’t you see i am watching something? These milinials (sp) are so fragile. Of course the next day DH said i was rude to his son. Fml.
Why do you “love this man
Why do you “love this man dearly” when he doesn’t care about your happiness or comfort?
I’m a big fan of disengagement but it’s time for you to tell SS’s friends to leave and him to shut up so you can sleep. If he starts to hate you, maybe that will hasten his departure.
You accuse DH of being passive, but you are being way too passive yourself. If his spawn is going to live with you, then he needs to follow some basic rules and be considerate of others. If DH won’t enforce that, then you do it.
I’d set a deadline for change to happen or I’m out. You deserve quiet sleep in your own home.
I completely agree. Tough
I completely agree. Tough pill to swallow about my husband but I am so passive because I’m the past it has always lead to HUGE fights with my husband. He disagrees and says “you aren’t the only one living here”.
In the past I’ve lost my cool so many times. I’ve also asked extremely nicely. Still same results.
I asked last night to have a plan to try to help his Son out of the house. I tel my husband I don’t hate the kid I just can not live with him any longer. He wants me to write out all of the problems so he can discuss and help. I’m going to write a fucking book. Lol. Btw I call my husband Danny Tanner bc everything has to be said in such a sweet loving way or I get no where with him. I’m clearly not like that and have chosen to keep my feelings in or have him correct his sons shitty behavior.
I think also part of it is I’m scared we are going to divorce. Over a 19 yr old who won’t grow up!!!!
Once again, fml.
Are you paying half of the
Are you paying half of the mortgage/rent? Is SS? This is YOUR home before it's an adult skid's home. And if your DH cared about your well-being, he'd see that it's MORE important than that of his inconsiderate kid. I would have zero respect for your DH and even less love.
No, you aren't the only person living there, but it's basic consideration in any family to be quiet when someone is trying to sleep. That's absurd that he would even use the argument that SS has the right to party with his friends over your right to sleep.
Don't be put off by the fight. Demand your right to quiet enjoyment of your home.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the encouragement! Let’s see how this goes tonight.
Also - he knows you are
Also - he knows you are afraid of conflict and possible divorce.
Make him stop taking for granted that you will put up with this forever.
I sympathize with you, but...........
YOU have to stop allowing yourself to be uncomfortable so your husband can be comfortable. He doesn't want to address the serious issues with his son and is chooing to allow you to be uncomfortable.
If your husband does not care about your happiness, well being and mental health and would rather cater to his son, the problem is not your stepson it's your husband.
You teach people how to treat you and this is how you have communicated to your husband that he is allowed to treat you.
Do not allow fear to control your life, your happiness matters.
Stand firm and demand the respect you deserve, your mental health, well being and hapiness in your own home is not to be taken lightly.
Good luck with your talk tonight.
LOL! SS19 living with me.
LOL! SS19 living with me. Xanax (as per doctor's order) and a martini before bed!
Near the end, (before I
Near the end, (before I disengaged from them) I used to have to take Xanax before getting together with DH's family. The last so-called party we attended, I was medicated and DH stayed in bed all day until it was time to shower and leave. It was insanity.
Being nice or showing weakness gets you exactly nowhere in steplife. We talk a lot about disengagement, but it's only fair to point out that there's also the option of going on the offensive. So many of us have partners who are lazy, weak, or conflict avoidant, and some of them are simply incapable of doing what needs to be done. Disengagement isn't always the best solution, especially when the skids are adults running roughshod in the home you pay for.
The OP describes a household where the tail is wagging the dog and the H bullies her into silence. She admits she's passive, and you can bet her H knows it. But what would happen if she flipped her Bi!ch Swi!ch and took charge of her home?
OP, I hope your talk goes well tonight. But remember, you do have another card to play, which is warning your H that if he is unable to get his adult kid to behave better, you will be stepping up to handle things and he won't like how you do it.
Exjulie is spot on, being
Exjulie is spot on, being passive does not pay. The longer you take your pills and hang around to take the insults the greater and quicker the insults become (I know I have done this too). No pill is powerful enough to take this mess and become a second class citizen in your own home enduring group abuse. These entitled aduts know they will not be corrected or called on anything they say or do--so they continue to target you.
Get away from it, it is the only answer since DH is no help in resolving his sick parenting. But before you go, plan your exit. Let them all know you are not taking another insult and you need NONE of them in your life, if need be. Answer back every insulting comment and, when you never come back for more---they will know why. You got it.....you are the winner away from a bunch of jealous bullies, and a weakling daddeee scared to death of his brats....that is what it is, in a nutshell.
By medicating the SS and
By medicating the SS and others are seeing you as some one that doesn't matter. It is your house and if the kid comes in late and starts puttering around the kitchen you need to calmly get up and go out there and tell him the kitchen is closed but a local McDonalds may be open if he doesn't want just cereal. Heck, I bet the goof not only makes a lot of noise when he cooks, but leaves the mess for you in the morning.
And if your hubby comes out or says something, just calmly say you can't sleep with the noise and you, too, have to work the next day. Might add, teasingly, that even though he can sleep through the end of the world, unfotunately, you cannot.
BTW, do any of these kids pay rent?