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Would this bother you or is it just me?

Shannon61's picture

My SD (27) still lives at home and is getting married next year. We've had our issues because she's lazy, as well as petty, mean-spirited and malicious. I've forgiven her and I thought we were at a better place.

The other night DH and I were on the living room couch. I was laying in his lap and SD walked in and and proceeded to tell him that her BM wanted her to tell him that she saw an old family friend at some restaurant and his kids are now blah blah blah and he's working at blah blah blah. Couldn't she have waited to get DH alone to tell him that? We rarely spend time together on the couch in the evening, and I thought it was selish and inconsiderate of her to interrupt us. DH told me the person she was talking about was a dj at one of SD's kiddie b-day parties. . aww shucks, ain't that nice.

SD likes to play head games so I don't know if she did it intentionally to rile me up or if she thought it wouldn't be a big deal. When I have to question your motives you know I think the very worst of you. Since then I've had little to say to her. She's so shaddy I never know what she has up her sleeve. Good grief I can't wait for her to move out!

How would you feel about this? Any thoughts/comments would be appreciated . . thanks.

Boudicca's picture

I agree with Leahmcc. I think she probably didn't think it would be a big deal. I would let it go too. Besides if you make a big deal of it and she gets to find out then she knows she has got to you yet again. Don't give her the satisfaction. Something like that isn't worth it.

Shannon61's picture

Thanks ladies. It's just that when someone has pulled crap for so long, you think even the slightest thing is done intentionally.

Shannon61's picture

Good point StepAside, thanks. And she wonders why I don't like her. . . seriously what's to like? I've told DH many times that she's selfish and inconsiderate. Can't wait to see how karma is going to play out in her own marriage.

Shannon61's picture

Please . .she went to a sleepover and came home and told us "we had manicures and pedicures and I had a good time" I thought I was listening to a 10 year old. I almost asked if they served baby food too. I didn't act that way at damn near 30 . . but then again, my mom didn't enable me.

I'm over it, I just gotta be patient now that the poor sap has put a ring on it. Soon she's going to be his trainwreck.

sandye21's picture

Shannon, It's really hard sometimes to differentiate between purposely rude behavior and plain cloddish ignorance – especially with what you've been through with your SD. I agree with the others – let this one slide. Maybe you and HD need to make a sceduled special time – just the two of you - when no interruptions are allowed. Let SD know this. I would love to be a fly on the wall. LOL LOL

JennyMae's picture

My steps do this a lot and I try hard not to let it bother me but deep down it still does. They dont know for sure it bothers me though since I have never said anything to them or DH about it so I dont think they do it intentionally to bother me... unless they just keep hoping it does which isnt an impossibility. They are always calling and telling us, "Oh moms friend Brenda is getting married." or "Mom told me to tell you that her aunt Greta is in the hospital"... blah blah blah. TO his credit my DH doesnt really care but I wish he would tell them... I dont care about those people stop passing that stuff along... but I guess that would be kind of rude. Anyways I just wanted to say that you shouldnt feel alone, maybe it shouldnt bother us but you are not alone in your annoyance with those petty type things:)

Shannon61's picture

Glad to know it's not just me. And SD doesn't even get along w/her mom. When she was telling DH about it, she had a big smile on her face . . .like they were one big happy family at one point, and I know that's far from the truth. BM still does stuff to hurt SD to this day. At this point, I should expect it from SD because she's petty. Not sure what I was thinking.

Eyes Wide Open's picture

SD25 always makes sure to mention her mother to DH. I don't even speak to SD, but I'll hear her say it purposely within earshot of me. Bear in mind, her "mother" left DH and two kids to do her own thing over 20 years ago. These kids were LITTLE when she took off to whore around, yet they think she's wonderful! It might have something to do with the "do whatever you want--no rules, no consequences" lifestyle that she lives and has showed them how to live. At any rate, yup, it grates on my nerves. I'm only human. I really don't want to hear about his skank of an x-wife.

JennyMae's picture

"It might have something to do with the "do whatever you want--no rules, no consequences" lifestyle that she lives and has showed them how to live. "
My step kids are mostly adults except for the 16 y/o who lives with her mom and thats exactly why she is more popular with them. When DH and I were first married, 16 y/o (then 14) lived with us but soon after I moved in she left as I put down rules and she had NEVER had any before. Her mom told her (we were taping their conversations for a possible court battle so we know for sure) Come live with me honey your old enough now to decide whats best for you, if you lived with me I would let you decide what time to be home for yoruself, where you can go for yourself, when to do yoru hw/go to bed/go to school etc... And that is exactly what she does! So of course they hate me because when they lived with us (the 20 y/o lived with us for a nightmarish 4 months too) I had house rules they had to follow. And while theyre dad didnt help enforce them, he didnt stop me from enforcing them either so they get mad at him and say he "picks me over them" all the time, when all he really does is stay out of it. I wish he would jump in on my side but at this point I Dotn think that will be happening. But that "do whatever you want" style of parenting is hard to contend with i know that for sure.

Shannon61's picture

The icing on the cake was a few months ago when SD told DH "I'm taking my mom out to dinner for her b-day." Mind you I didn't even get a card. But sweet karma always catches up with her. . .I can always count on it.

For mother's day, BM told her she had other plans and they didn't get together. SD was crushed. When I got home that evening she was so sad, you could have sold her for a quarter. The next day her fiance came over and took her out because she was still sulking. I wanted to tell her grow the F up and get over it. She is so weak.

I don't see her as an adult but see her as a child. I also give her marriage a year and am saving money so when she calls DH and wants to move back home for whatever reason, I'll be ready to start packing my stuff.

Shannon61's picture

He is a dear. He also lives w/his dad . . in the basement. What's with these damn near 30 year olds . . living at home happy as can be? Grow up already people.

Chopped_Liver's picture

I hear you, Shannon61! When I was a kid, I COULDN'T WAIT to move into my own place!
Maybe it's genetic. DH lived with his parents until they moved out of state (to get rid of him, maybe?) and now his son appears to have absolutely no plan or ambition to move out of our second bedroom---EVER~! He's 23 and in the process of flunking out of his 4th (or is it his 5th) college.

Am I going to have to resort to witchcraft to get him out of our home?

Shannon61's picture

Chopped_Liver. .you may just have to resort to that or something along those lines. These new aged adults want to stay home forever because they don't want to face the real world. My SD is so lost we have to tell her the same things over and over again . . let down the windows before you leave, leave a light burning, set the alarm, etc. Once she walked out and left the back door unlocked. It's a wonder she hasn't set the house on fire. DH has enabled her to the point that she has no common sense.

Over the weekend DH and I were talking about marriage to a friend and DH said, "I asked my daughter, are you sure you want to do this?" I wanted to sock him in the face. He'd do anything to keep her here with us. It's one thing when adult steps don't want to leave, but when the B parents really don't want them to leave (but pretend that they do), it's even more pathetic.

Sterling's picture

I think she has bad intentions when doing stuff like that..........she wants to get to you.

Shannon61's picture

So do I. It's not enough that she's lived with this the entire length of our marriage, but she also enjoys being a witch. Rotten to the core. . . which is why I stay away from her. She exudes negative energy.

Sweetnothings's picture

Wow, all of this is ringing so true with me !! When oldest SD was living with us, it was a nightmare, even before she moved countries with us !!! DH to this day says THAT was a huge mistake...what a great thing hindsight is......

SD was like 18 and couldn't wash her own clothes, they lay on her floor until the pile was high and smelly, lovely to sleep next to I guess!!! DH finally pushed her to do it and then there was the DRAMA of that!!! The sighs, the time involved as by now there was like 7 loads to do !!!! Why is it that they cannot even manage the simplest of things, she had her own Bathroom, so you have to clean it!!!!
I know DH and BM were and are enablers.......the result is these skids can barely cook and clean and manage the simplest of things. These are all very simple life skills to learn, it's not rocket scince !!!!
Eldest SD is about to move in with the latest bf.....good grief he is in for a shock after a month or two. SD is great at putting on a show when needed but it never lasts too long, she is wayyyy to lazy for that!!!

SD will never ever live with us again, DH and I have travelled that road before.....no way !!!!